to get upset when MIL talks about taking DS to their house,

[slimbyxmas]

they live 3.5 hours drive away. Every time she visits ( sometimes unannounced for the weekend!)she asks my DS in front of me, " oh you will soon visit us on your own, daddy can just drive you and we will meet him halfway." I am still BF him could no more let him go for a weekend than cut my leg off!! Does anyone have any tips on how to handle these types of pointed comments, thanks.

Agree with below. My MIL took my dd for the first time this weekend so we could go for dinner and a bottle of wine which was nice. They were both fine with each other which pleased me as I'd like them to be close. So hopefully be able to do it on a regular basis so we can spend a bit more quality time together as a couple .

My mil and fil after a few months of not seeing dd as often as they wanted ie every day like sil does, 'oh we'll just have to kidnap you!!' in a happy jokey way. Creepy.

This speaking directly to baby who cannot understand what is said yet is a bad habit too...she needs to be talking adult to adult...not dropping massive hints with a completely oblivious baby.

As for the dropping in unannounced and formula feeding at 3 day old

She's being manipulative. it's not your hormones.
Re: Winky and Desiderata's contretemps, my adjudication is that Winky is proportionate and Desiderata is disproportionate.

Well, I'm off to my bed now.

But like I said before, if some of you don't get why grandchildren need a relationship with their grandparents, that's fine.

I just hope your kids feel differently when it's their turn.

ROFL .. like a gnu can adjudicate.

So, I'm the evil bastard because I think that it's good for grandparents to have a relationship with their grandchildren.

Well, I've fought battles on stickier wickets than that

I'm off to bed now and totally agree, strange not wanting child to have relationship with GPs, making an important decision for them because of your own view is very silly....I agree that 7 months is young to go stay but really, you can't deny young children a relationship with gps.

yes but you can dictate the terms and state what is and isn't acceptable.

And if they continue to cross the line, upset you and potentially abotage the upbringing you're trying to forge for your dc then maybe they can't have a relationship with their GPs.

However i don't think this is as extreme as that at all. it's about MiL being manipulative and having to out firm, fair and consistent boundaries in place.

As you do with toddlers/adolescents

but not wanting your child to go and stay 3/4 hours up the road without you does not constitute not wanting that child to have a relationship with grandparents.

both my parents/ILs see ds regularly, if we go away overnight my parents will stay here with ds. he could stay at there's if he wanted but he chooses not to.

People can allow a relationship to develop in their own way - I personally find it odd that there are people who have a set arrangement that their child is handed over to parents/ILs on a weekly basis for an overnighter but that's their choice.

ignore and smile, ignore and smile - continue for 14 years - then move farer away

But send the teenager to live with grandma and leave no forwarding address hee

gnu
adju
dicate?

Just tell the mother in law that she will not be having your child overnight for the foreseeable future. It might put her nose out of joint, but it doesn't mean the end of the world for anyone. My daughter is four and a half, and as much as I love my mum and dad there's not a cat in hell's chance of her doing overnighters. It's not something I'm comfortable with. She has a great relationship with them though (as do I), so all can be well. Just set boundaries you are comfortable with. If your mother in law takes umbridge then it is her that is causing a problem in her relationship with her grandchild, not you.

Best of luck.

Agnes

Nobody on this thread has advocated that children should not have relationships with their grandparents. Bizarre conclusion that.

Just be firm with your MIL, slimby. And relations will get better instantly because you'll all know where you stand. There'll be no simmering resentments festering and you'll start to feel a lot better about asserting yourself and making parenting decisions.

Often grandparents have absolutely no idea about boundaries esp. if they're first time GPs. They've only been parents before so they've got a big adjustment to make too.

It is possible that the MIL in question is a manipulative cow. It is also possible that she is trying to do her best - and getting it wrong. It is also possible that she is just burbling away to the baby and not expecing to be listened to or even heard. When I thing of the things that I have said to babies in my time in a high pitched "talking to a baby"kind of way "Oh stop crying you little ratbag or I'll out you out to slep with the rabbits" for example. Or yesterday, to a friends new baby "Oh you are the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen - do you think mummy would notice if I took you home to live with me?" I don't think my friend was upset - I hope she wasn't. and I didn't meant it of course. i was just burbling - making noises to keep the baby happy. It is entirely possible that a lot of the gps on here are doing the same sort of thing.

seeker I think you're right. My mum is always saying she's going to take my DS away. I know she doesn't mean it. I'm always telling him I'm going to eat him up. I don't mean it either