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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and convince oh that this is a perfect time to get married.

57 replies

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 19:33

I appreciate that many couples want big weddings and covid has ruined that, it sucks.

But, I’ve always wanted a small wedding. I don’t like big groups of people, I don’t like too many eyes on me. Oh is similar. Nor have we got the money to have a big wedding. But we felt we’d always be obliged to invited loads of people and distant relatives we never see etc.

So aibu to think that right now it’s a perfect time to get married? For us anyway. It means there would be no guilty when we didn’t invited everyone we knew and just stick to immediate family.

We aren’t even officially engaged but spoke about getting married loads. We have two dc 🤣 one of which is autistic and wouldn’t cope with a large wedding anyway.

So yeah perfect time? Was hoping for an engagement ring this Christmas 🤣

OP posts:

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2020 19:35

Does he want to get married ? Surely it shouldn't be a case of hoping for a ring and convincing him to get married.

That aside, by your other statements it sounds great or your needs.

What style wedding does he want?

Meowchickameowmeow · 28/12/2020 19:35

Does he genuinely want to get married? I find the idea of having to convince someone a little odd tbh.

HopeAndDriftWood · 28/12/2020 19:36

I wouldn’t want to convince anyone to marry me.

You can have a small wedding at any time; and if you’ve talked about getting married you could ask him what he thinks about getting married now; when you could do it just your family? But I wouldn’t push further than that... I wouldn’t be waiting round for a proposal either, I’d just take it that he doesn’t really want to get married. If he did, he’d do something about it.

That sounds so harsh, but I’ve lived it; questioned it and ignored the advice, and it was so true.

Takingontheundead · 28/12/2020 19:39

Perfect. Elope. Tell everyone you realised how short life is and decided to have a bit of magic in the current shitshow. Invite no one.

Original poster

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 19:39

Oh yeah we’ve discussed getting married time and time again. He wants to get married just hasn’t proposed 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 19:40

It’s not convincing him to get married, he wants to
but it’s convincing him of the right time 😁

OP posts:

MaskingForIt · 28/12/2020 19:41

Why does he need to propose? Bring up getting married and agree to make an appointment with the registrar next week. You can get married 4 weeks later.

Original poster

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 19:43

@MaskingForIt agree! we both want to get married but we are not engaged. He says he hasn’t proposed as he doesn’t want a long engagement and would want to be married shortly afterwards but we’ve never had too much disposal income to get married so it’s never happened!

OP posts:

thelegohooverer · 28/12/2020 19:43

I would have loved a small wedding. Obviously I have huge compassion for anyone whose wedding plans have been ruined but it would have been a blessing for me.
Go for it!

EvilPea · 28/12/2020 19:45

Yes. Do it.

I’ve heard of a few people who have taken “advantage” of the rules, as it gives them the chance to get married with obligation or offence.
Just watch out for tier changes that might scupper it last minute.

EvilPea · 28/12/2020 19:46

without obligation or offence

Sorry!

kursaalflyer · 28/12/2020 19:48

Do people still get engaged? I'm presuming you're living together already. Just do it!

MaskingForIt · 28/12/2020 19:49

[quote Dusty9729]@MaskingForIt agree! we both want to get married but we are not engaged. He says he hasn’t proposed as he doesn’t want a long engagement and would want to be married shortly afterwards but we’ve never had too much disposal income to get married so it’s never happened![/quote]
Why the drama and convincing then?

It costs about £35 each to “register intent to marry” and about £60 to sign the paperwork.

Just do it. The offices probably reopen tomorrow.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2020 19:50

Just go to the registry office and get married. That's what my husband and I did. Hardly cost anything and then we went out for a lovely lunch. Best decision ever. We had no family or friends there, just us and two witnesses.

GreenClock · 28/12/2020 19:51

Bite the bullet OP! Have a lovely day.

OwlBasket · 28/12/2020 19:52

No need to ‘get engaged’, just plan the wedding. To my mind you’ve been engaged ever since you both agreed you wanted to get married anyway.

If you’re after a fabriek to wear with your wedding band then go and choose one together.

firstimemamma · 28/12/2020 19:53

If u get engaged and start planning then I would check with the venue. Many have masks and social distancing between guests as compulsory - would your autistic child cope ok with that? Plenty of venues also doing lots of other difficult things e.g ours has closed its toilets as part of its restrictions.

I do get what u mean about loving tiny / simple weddings though. Ours is booked for the summer and fingers crossed restrictions at our venue will have eased a bit by then!

I hope my post didn't come across as negative, just wanted to point out that there are factors besides guest numbers that u may not have considered.

OwlBasket · 28/12/2020 19:54

fabriek = fab ring.
Well actually it means factory and that my autocorrect struggles with bilingualism🤦‍♀️

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2020 19:54

After having two children together, I think waiting for him to propose is silly, bordering on ridiculous. If you both agree you want to get married, just do it and don't tell a soul until after the fact.

AnotherEmma · 28/12/2020 19:55

Propose to him!

kursaalflyer · 28/12/2020 19:58

Our local register office is only taking booking from April unless one of you is terminally ill so it could be a while anyway. Get booking!

Original poster

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 19:58

Thanks all. I think we’ve always felt if we got married we’d feel obliged to invite lots of people - partner has lots of aunts & uncles and about 40 cousins who all have children 🤣 tbf he doesn’t
know half of them these days. I’ve never know him to meet with any of them since we have been together.

Smaller on my side of the family but still quite a few people I’d feel I would have to invite. For instance my stepdads family who aren’t nice 😒 (he is lovely, his family are not) plus other distant cousins etc I never see.

If it was still 15 (I know this could change). It would be us, 2 dc, partners mum and her husband, my mum and stepfather (neither of us have seen our dads since childhood), my grandma, our siblings (none have long term partners or children) and maybe my 1 uncle who doesn’t have a wife or children. I’d love to fit my closest friend in too! Partner doesn’t have many close friends in our area. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I’m thinking too far ahead here 🤣

OP posts:

MrsKramer · 28/12/2020 20:01

Talk about letting the tail wag the dog. It's a terrible time to plan an event of any size.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2020 20:02

Just get married at the registry office and then have a party at a later date with family and friends. No stress and it would be a lot more fun.

Original poster

Dusty9729 · 28/12/2020 20:03

@firstimemamma I think he would cope fine with a small thing and all the covid things. He likes rules, it keeps him on track. He has good understanding
of things. He won’t wear a mask but he’s under 11 so exempt! He’s used today seeing others in masks 😀 don’t think your being negative at all 🌸

It really is just an idea! My partner wants to get married but he’s the type I’ve really got to kick him up the bum to get anything sorted and organised.

OP posts:

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