Should I give my neighbours the heads up?

[SozzaBozza]

I've named changed because I'm admitting to breaking the laws of the land here

We are having our Xmas day today (as in having one other household over to celebrate and doing the whole Xmas day thing which we haven't done any other day).

The reason being we have a family child who is terminally ill and they have been in treatment for the last month - today is the only day we could have possibly done something. We are taking KS1 age and It will be their last Christmas.

Anyway I'm not particularly asking if we are being unreasonable to break the rules because honestly in this instance I just don't care, nor do her parents and this is what she wants.

What I want to know is if it would be better to let my neighbours know ahead of them arriving so they don't all think WTF or report us or whatever else.

We don't know the neighbours particularly well - we only moved in a year ago and due to all of the lockdowns we just haven't had much chance to meet.

Thoughts?

Hope you have a wonderful day

What a sad situation but I think some posters are being a little naive in saying that the neighbours won't notice or won't care if they do notice.

Maybe you haven't lived in a place where neighbours actually do have eyes in their heads and/or think they are entitled to butt into other people's business.

There's no ideal solution and you know your neighbours which obviously no one here does, if you think they might complain or report you getting in first with the reason for the gathering is probably the best thing to do

I thought that there were exemptions in place for people who are terminally ill anyway so you wouldn't be breaking the law?

I'd tell them rather than risk any hassle.

I’m so sorry OP.

I think either option is fine - in the unlikely event there was any come back it’s not like it would get taken any further.

But if it’s going to worry you, with people arriving etc, let them know.

So sorry again.

I wouldn't tell them. There's a certain kind of person who wouldn't give a fuck what the background is but would be so self-righteous and non-empathetic that they'd still make an issue.

You're far far better taking the chance they won't notice or be bothered, than bringing it to their attention and admitting wrongdoing.

And it's pretty unlikely the police would have time or interest in their report to turn up, should they make one. And I've more faith in the police to be compassionate in the circumstances and just give a warning than neighbours you don't know and have put the power in their hands.

I think most people wouldn't report their neighbours, I wouldn't, you never know if people are bubbling up or have had a family tragedy, or something happening like in the case with your family.
I hope you all have a wonderful time OP

I'd think you were a bit mad if you told me. And frankly, unless you are planning on making loads of noise, your neighbours are unlikely to notice, or if they do, to care.

I can't see anybody reporting you for having one family visit anyway. They may gossip or something, but surely you'd only report a big breach like a massive party.

I'm glad you have told them. It is actually a kindness to your neighbours. This way they are extremely unlikely to report you or even think badly of you and then feel awful when they find out the true circumstances.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

I am fairly certain the rules do not apply if you a terminally ill - they certainly don't for shielding advice and guidance anyway. It was very much stated loudly and clearly at the start of the pandemic that those who were terminally ill could make a choice about whether and what they followed.

I would tell the neighbours just so there were no unexpected interruptions. Very, very few people would report anyone after knowing it was due to a terminally ill person that the rules were being "paused".

I also doubt anyone would fine you for this, however, it would more be the potential knock on the door I would like to heed off, particularly explaining the situation whilst the child was there.

May you have a very merry wonderful Christmas Day with your family.

@theThreeofWeevils

I'd think you were a bit mad if you told me. And frankly, unless you are planning on making loads of noise, your neighbours are unlikely to notice, or if they do, to care.

They might notice an extra car outside if it's the kind of place where people always recognise the cars parked outside each house, but I agree they're not likely to care.

I saw your update, read wine, ignored the rest of it - I think you have done the right thing.

Enjoy your day!

Don’t tell them and I hope you all have a magical day. In the worst case scenario where a police officer shows up on your doorstep you explain that you are supporting a branch of the family with a terminally ill child.
By and large I trust the police to be reasonable. I cannot say the same for some neighbours.

My friends young daughter died of a terminal illness 3 weeks ago. Slightly older than the child you’ve stated

They told the neighbours when the make a wish foundation sent over things and people.

I assume you’ve also got nurses coming in daily. So they would of seen this. But yes. I’d tel them. Just to stop any worry really.

We’ve been there. Hugs

No don’t tell them.

The police have made very clear that they (sadly) are not interested in individual breaches. My neighbours have broken lockdown throughout and no point reporting as nothing to be done on it.

I would be breaking The rules in exactly your circumstances and much love to you all x

I probably would tell them so then if they see or hear others, they'll know why.

Hope you all have a lovely day!

Also

The rules are different for terminally unwell people. So you won’t get fined.

Tricky one. I would tell them just because you don't want anything ruining your day and they would feel awful (if they are normal humans) if they blew the whistle on you without knowing the facts. So sorry about the tragic situation and hope you have a wonderful time.

I wouldn't say anything. To be honest, even if they did report you, I'd be really surprised if anything was done about it. If you were incredibly unlucky, and the police did turn out for that, they are human too, and would have to be very hard hearted to fine you!

I suspect our neighbours are having their Christmas day today as I've seen their daughters arrive. I couldn't care less and think good for them. Their dad has been undergoing cancer treatment all year I'm just glad he feels well enough today to want to celebrate. There is too much covid marshaling by nosey neighbours if you ask me. Hope you have a wonderful day OP.

If you were my neighbour it wouldn’t bother me. Have an amazing day x

It's none of their business but I can see why you'd want to let them know

No. Where do people get so much time to be watching out for neighbours? Weird.

It's hardly like you're planning to do a rave.

Hope day is lovely.

Not the same and I can't imagine what you and your family are going through, but my dad has end stage liver disease. We spent from Xmas Eve to 27th at my parents' house as there is no next year for us. They told their neighbours what we were doing and why and had nothing but support (as did I from a bunch of lovely MNers!) Sadly some people are following the rules so blindly that they may well get annoyed or try and report you. I think you will mostly just find understanding though.

Enjoy your day and lots of love to your family at this difficult time xxxxx

Have a wonderful belated Christmas celebration today!