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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a woman?

276 replies

Whatisthis543 · 27/12/2020 20:38

Chatting to my friend tonight (who is gay and this is relevant to the thread)

She was saying that now she’s single again she thinks that things are a lot more open and more women are open to dating women even if they’re not ‘defining themselves’ as gay. I thought it was an interesting one. I’m in a hetero relationship and have never really thought about it, but have you? Would you?

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:16

I actually think it's quite hard to be bisexual tbh. I always feel it must feel more 'grounded' to be firmly in either het or lesbian camps. I think if you're bisexual there is a bit of eye rolling tjat goes on.

covidaintacrime · 28/12/2020 00:18

Yes, @CandyLeBonBon, "Pick a side" and all that shit Grin

OldAndWornOut · 28/12/2020 00:18

I have had a relationship with a gay woman, although I consider myself heterosexual.
I wouldn't rule it out, if someone really floated my boat.

Unfortunately I think of myself as shipwrecked these days.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:19

@covidaintacrime

Yes, *@CandyLeBonBon*, "Pick a side" and all that shit Grin
Exactly. But it's not that simple. I'm attracted to both men and women but it's quite a fluid thing and it's very much personality-dependent. I don't always feel comfortable with my sexuality because it always feels like I'm hedging my bets, which I'm not.
CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:20

@OldAndWornOut

I have had a relationship with a gay woman, although I consider myself heterosexual. I wouldn't rule it out, if someone really floated my boat.

Unfortunately I think of myself as shipwrecked these days.

😂
covidaintacrime · 28/12/2020 00:23

No, I get that too I think Candy. Mine's more going through phases of solely being attracted to men and thinking "Naw, I'm definitely heterosexual" and then seeing a pretty woman walking past and thinking "Yup, lesbian, here we are."

It doesn't have to be 50/50 either, my own bisexuality leans a bit more to men on an average day. I think I'm typically more romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men. Sexuality is weird, huh?

Kwiksavenofrillsusername · 28/12/2020 00:24

I’m bi so have had long term relationships with men and women. Currently married to a man. I think if we divorced, I’d still date both sexes, but I don’t think I’d have another long term relationship with a man. Nothing against my DH, I just think if I remarried when older it would be more of a companionship thing and women are better company.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:26

It is @covidaintacrime - and it sometimes makes me feel inauthentic

Marshmallow91 · 28/12/2020 00:27

I'm pansexual. I'm in a relationship with a man.

If I was single, I'd struggle to ask out another woman though if I didn't already know her sexual orientation. But that's due to past experiences where I've fell head over heels for another female, who has reciprocated flirting etc, only to find out later they then met a guy and started a relationship shortly after reducing contact with me. It's happened twice in my life and I don't fancy a third time of making myself out to be a fool.

I'd rather know where I stand from the get-go.

covidaintacrime · 28/12/2020 00:28

I think most bisexual people feel inauthentic sometimes Candy, as it's seen as an "inbetween" stage rather than a thing in it's own right. But you are valid and whatever bisexuality looks like for you is valid too!

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:31

You're right @covidaintacrime. Thanks And actually I find relationships with women harder because I get emotionally attached in a different, more intense way. So it's scarier to me. That probably makes no sense whereas my relationships with men are more guarded. Which is probably not very healthy!

beautifulmonument · 28/12/2020 00:33

Yes if my marriage ended I would definitely be open to dating women. I've had crushes on women in the past but never actually been involved with one. Also those crushes have been fewer and less intense than my crushes on men... It puzzles me because I don't feel comfortable calling myself straight (because I do fancy women) or bi (because I've never even experimented with a woman, I don't even know for sure if I would like it).

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 28/12/2020 00:34

No. I'm not attracted to women at all.

covidaintacrime · 28/12/2020 00:35

I hear that @CandyLeBonBon, I think it's a self preservation method (maybe from being hurt in the past, or a projected fear of being hurt by a woman?). It's easier to feel safe in relationships where you know you're not the overly-invested one, as you can pull out the emotional stakes more easily if needs be.

It's also OK to not identify as anything, if the label makes you uncomfortable. Nobody is owed that kind of definition, it's just a descriptor and you can describe yourself in whatever way you like! Smile

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 00:36
Smile
covidaintacrime · 28/12/2020 00:37

or bi (because I've never even experimented with a woman, I don't even know for sure if I would like it).

You don't need to have experimented to be bi, you can be bi even if you only ever date one gender! There's no "proof" element to sexuality Smile. @beautifulmonument

akittencalledjesus · 28/12/2020 00:52

She was saying that now she’s single again she thinks that things are a lot more open and more women are open to dating women even if they’re not ‘defining themselves’ as gay.

Surely being open to dating a woman and not defining yourself as gay or bi is a bit of an oxymoron? If anything that shows that people are outwardly not quite comfortable with sexual orientation? Which is incredibly sad.

I wouldn't. I have no interest in sex with another woman.

thosetalesofunexpected · 28/12/2020 00:56

Maybe ...
I am sort of Bi Curious in a way

Times are more open minded

Nottherealslimshady · 28/12/2020 00:59

I'm bisexual but never been in a relationship with a woman. I would, just met DH too early.

suggestionsplease1 · 28/12/2020 01:04

I'm a gay woman and quite happy to be used for sexual experimentation purposes by the curious Grin.

But yes, it's a bit of a contentious one for many gay women and the cards need to be fully on the table.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/12/2020 01:05

😂 @suggestionsplease1 you brazen hussy!!! 😂

Pyewhacket · 28/12/2020 01:08

No, not interested.

GrinchnotHinch · 28/12/2020 01:08

I, the same as so many others that I’ve spoken to wouldn’t go for another man if anything happened with DP.

I understand that relationships with females are just as difficult but I think finding another female in the exact same headspace would work well.

I am bisexual but all my partners have been male by default.

Titsywoo · 28/12/2020 01:09

Yes I would. I guess I am bisexual as I have slept with women but I have never been in a relationship with one. But I have been with dh since I was 22 so I might have done if we had met later.

DBML · 28/12/2020 01:19

No. I can look at a woman and decide whether I think they are attractive or not, but either way it doesn’t make a difference because I am only ‘sexually’ attracted to men.