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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a woman?

276 replies

Whatisthis543 · 27/12/2020 20:38

Chatting to my friend tonight (who is gay and this is relevant to the thread)

She was saying that now she’s single again she thinks that things are a lot more open and more women are open to dating women even if they’re not ‘defining themselves’ as gay. I thought it was an interesting one. I’m in a hetero relationship and have never really thought about it, but have you? Would you?

OP posts:
WunWun · 29/12/2020 21:25

@HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace

Lots of lesbophobes here! Nothing new. To attack on the grounds of bisexuality is a bad faith argument. My argument wasn’t in any way an attack on bisexuality. But any sensible person would recognise that.
Utter nonsense.
HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace · 29/12/2020 21:26

wunwun It’s nice you’ve waited for me to reply and immediately pounced.

Porcupineintherough · 29/12/2020 21:29

Well I dont want to pounce but I dont understand your argument either Hiding. Are you saying its Lesbophobic to not be open to a sexual relationship with another woman, or to consider it even though you also like men?

WunWun · 29/12/2020 21:30

@HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace

wunwun It’s nice you’ve waited for me to reply and immediately pounced.
I responded to your nonsensical message on a forum. Were you expecting me to reply to you before you posted it? What do you mean?
Respectabitch · 29/12/2020 21:30

What is your argument exactly then, toilet? That if you've previously seen yourself as straight and dated men you aren't allowed to "change"?

HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace · 29/12/2020 21:32

Nope. None of these arguments. My point is that some women just love women.

Porcupineintherough · 29/12/2020 21:33

Is anyone disagreeing with that?

HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace · 29/12/2020 21:34

Very much so earlier in the thread.

Namechangeme87 · 29/12/2020 21:39

Another here who has had a couple of sexual experiences with women ( years ago to be fair and also drunk ) but absolutely no interest in women romantically, never felt that ever . Very much attracted to men in all regards

I always thought I was a bit weird for the above but apparently not !

sewbeeit · 29/12/2020 21:45

If you'd asked me this five years ago I would have said - most unlikely as I've never been attracted to women. Had lots of gay and bi friends but had never felt that spark with a woman myself.

All that changed when I met a woman who I began an intense friendship with. Initially it felt like an intense teenage type friendship - lots of seeing each other, enjoying time together, socialising and fun and one day I realised it felt like dating...

We have been together for a few years now and are in a committed relationship. Initially I did worry about whether the whole physical side of a relationship would be a problem - more because I didn't want to hurt her feelings if it didn't work for me. She had had previous relationships with women - I hadn't. However, this so hasn't been an issue!!

Just for the record, no, I wasn't a repressed lesbian nor was I bicurious. So there you go... I guess I've learnt that things can change in life ... sexuality being one of them. 😊

DressingGownofDoom · 29/12/2020 21:49

If I were single I'd give a go, women are beautiful and funny and soft and smell nicer than men. But I think I'd really miss the bit of sex that includes the penis, it's the highlight really for me Blush

Namechangeme87 · 29/12/2020 21:57

I'd really miss the bit of sex that includes the penis, it's the highlight really for

Grin it’s the best but about men

Curse been single in lockdown Sad

Keratinsmooth · 29/12/2020 22:00

Dressinggown - same here. I tried it a few times and missed the penis too much

ThornAmongstRoses · 29/12/2020 22:24

When I was about 25 years old I had a 5 month fling (for want of a better word) and it was fun and exciting. I’m very glad I got to experience it.

I’m currently married (to a man) who I love very much and we have two amazing children. It’s been 12 years since my fling with that woman and I have never been sexually attracted to another one. I class myself as heterosexual but maybe my past says I can’t be?

If me and DH ever split up, could I imagine myself dating a woman? Not at all - as fun and exciting as it was when I was young, it’s not something I see for myself now or in the future.

inchoccyheaven · 29/12/2020 22:26

@dressinggownofdoom and @keratinsmooth you can use toys to penetrate though. Usually without the mess lol.
I don't mind some penetration but much prefer everything else.

DropsofJupiterinherhair · 29/12/2020 22:33

Definitely! Always been in hetro relationships, but would definitely consider dating women if Dh and I were to split.

CandyLeBonBon · 29/12/2020 22:45

@HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace

Lots of lesbophobes here! Nothing new. To attack on the grounds of bisexuality is a bad faith argument. My argument wasn’t in any way an attack on bisexuality. But any sensible person would recognise that.
Wtf? Are you saying that as someone who recognises that sexuality is not a straight/hetero binary that means that acknowledging sexual fluidity even if you've been in mainly heterosexual relationships your whole life? Are you honestly saying that means you are a lesbophobe? Really?
CandyLeBonBon · 29/12/2020 22:53

@HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace

Nope. None of these arguments. My point is that some women just love women.
Of course they do. I'm slightly upset at the vehemence some women on this thread have expressed their disgust of the idea of intimacy of other women, but ultimately that's how they feel. It's not mine or anyone else's job to police or dictate how they feel out intimacy with another woman. Sexual attraction is very personal. It might be the case that those who have expressed disgust could have been a little less brutal, but I'm not sure what you hoped to achieve by claiming that there's lots of lesbophobia on here. Those comments have actually been very minimal.
RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 29/12/2020 23:02

I was discussing this with ds1 the other day (one of those meandering conversations that you can’t remember how it started and are completely bemused at how it ends)

Anyhoo...i can see myself in a huggy, hand holding companionship type relationship but can’t quite see me having sex...im not particularly keen on my own vagina let alone anyone elses

poshnodosh · 29/12/2020 23:11

I wouldn't rule it out totally as I have had the odd crush on other women but I do identify as straight so I doubt it would happen.

If DH left me I wouldn't want another bloke though. I'd rather live alone!

saffire · 29/12/2020 23:18

Nope. Not attracted to women and don't even get on with most particularly well.

I have noticed that quite a few women my age (mid-30's) have split with their husbands/boyfriends and started relationships with women though.

Aneley · 29/12/2020 23:30

No I wouldn't date a woman because women just don't register on my 'sex radar'. Nothing disgusting about two women together, it just doesn't do anything for me. Didn't mind being asked out by women in the past and wouldn't mind any person asking another person out but also 100% certain what turns me on.

TuxedoPantherSheHer · 29/12/2020 23:49

@HidingInTheToiletFor5minsPeace

Lots of lesbophobes here! Nothing new. To attack on the grounds of bisexuality is a bad faith argument. My argument wasn’t in any way an attack on bisexuality. But any sensible person would recognise that.
Think you’re wrong on several counts there.
Wiredforsound · 30/12/2020 00:04

I would if I was single and met a woman I fancied.

nancybotwinbloom · 30/12/2020 00:11

Yes I'm done with Ben if this relationship dies I am done with men now