Do introverted parents tend to have introverted kids?

[phoria]

What's your experience? Currently pregnant and wondering what baby's personality would be like. I'm a real introvert and feel like I would understand an introverted child more although I know there are no guarantees!

Well in terms of talking and conversation it's an art isn't it.. I'm desperate to model good convo but unfortunately, strange to say dh finds it impossible to make conversations and it's hard to develop them.. His parents have zero concept of chat around the table.

It's the case in our house, all introverts although some more so than others

So interesting!
DH is an introvert, I am a people pleasing try hard extrovert, DD is my carbon copy. DS is an introvert but very comfortable with it, whereas it’s taken DH a long time to understand and be comfortable with his introversion - I think seeing two parents like us has helped him understand himself in this way at a fairly young age.

Even the way they tantrumed was different - a meltdown from DS meant he desperately needed some space and quiet, a meltdown from DD meant she needed reassurance and to be held. It’s fascinating really

I'd say I'm an ambivert - I was a very shy child, and I like being alone - very happy doing my own thing and dread social situations with lots of people - I don't crave company at all, (can't get away from people!) but on the other hand I can't help talking to strangers, I make friends easily and anyone who knows me would have me pinned as an extrovert because once I'm out and about I'm chatty, laughing and will talk to anyone.

DH is mostly extroverted & hates to be alone.

DS1 - probably mostly introvert, "lacks confidence" - never the child with his hand up at school and has a small group of friends. I'd say he is quietly confident, but never the leader of the pack.

DD very like me, but more stubborn.

DS2 - great emotional intelligence and sensitive to others, but totally extrovert - always talking, (shouting) and extremely outgoing although also happy on his own as he finds other people are a bit boring sometimes & he has more fun without them! He will be friends with anyone though - he has a very sunny nature.

🤷🏻‍♀️

@PandemicPavolova

Well in terms of talking and conversation it's an art isn't it.. I'm desperate to model good convo but unfortunately, strange to say dh finds it impossible to make conversations and it's hard to develop them.. His parents have zero concept of chat around the table.

You’re right, it’s a matter of modelling ways of having social relationships, regardless of whether you’re energised or fatigued by prolonged contact with other people. Neither of my parents have any friends, so I had to figure out all that stuff by myself in my teens. My father in particular has never understood the idea of chat over dinner, whether it’s at home or out — he’s already attacking his plate as it’s being put down in front of him as though eating for a wager, and he doesn’t stop till it’s finished. I don’t think he was ever put down his cutlery to talk in his life. Answering the phone to his own children if my mother is out is a source of stress.

I'm very introverted. DS1 is somewhat introverted. DS2 is fairly extrovert. I find it easier to get on with DS2, although I go to great lengths to treat them and be seen to treat them equally.

In my family, out of four generations and 8 people, only one was an extrovert - my grandpa.

I wish I had some of his charisma and confidence but I suppose I got other nice characteristics from the introverts.

My ex is an extrovert and he seems disappointed that our DS is an introvert like me. He sees it as shyness and low confidence, but it's really not, DS has a quiet confidence and is a thinker.

My parents are both extroverts and I’m a huge introvert. I have 5 DC, one is a baby so will discount him but 2/4 are extroverts and 2 are introverts. It can go either way.

I'm very loud, outgoing and definitely not shy (according to my daughter and best friend who are both a lot more introverted). My daughter (10) makes friends easily, but is definitely not extroverted. She loves her own space and can be very reserved. I sometimes love having her friends over at our house more than she does and am usually the embarrassing parent that likes to dance at kids parties and generally never miss an opportunity to embarrass my daughter. She likes to invite her friends to our house but in moderation, whereas I would have them over every day.

I think though there is an aspect that it is as much nurture as nature.

My parents are introverts. Other than relatives, and my Godmother, I think in my 20 years living at home we had one family stay over night for a visit, and I can tell you exactly where we'd stayed over (both grandparents, and my aunt).
Dm did have friends with children our age, and they came round, but it was planned.
We weren't allowed to run round the village the way the other children did (probably with fairly good reason!)
Having a friend back was a big deal.

Looking back, that suited my siblings. They're pretty antisocial.
I think if I'd been allowed more social interactions on my own merit, then I probably would be more extrovert. I always felt honoured to be part of a friendship group, and thankful to be invited round because I felt it was an imposition, as my family tended to act as though it was.

And with my dc I have seen this too. The extrovert families tended to invite loads back. "Doesn't matter what the house looks like, we'll have some fun" and the children got used to having lots of people around.

I'm thinking of one couple I know. Mum extrovert, dad introvert and children (I've known them for years) a mixture. But even the introvert ones are fairly extrovert given the right situation, and I think it's because there were always loads of people around.

If I could do my time again with the children being small, it's one thing I'd change. I'd make sure there were children back every week (obviously not at the moment) and invite parents to come for coffee etc. I think that would have helped my dc find their feet socially much more.

Sorry, haven’t read the entire thread, but from my experience both parents and context come into play. In my case both parents were very ‘shy’. Plus living in the countryside limited social interactions. Hence I was extremely shy even until mid 20’s. But one learns and develops so by no means is it a lifetime affliction. Now (hopefully!) well adjusted etc. Focus on enjoyable experiences, where you can get them to interact with others, and all will work out. Don’t worry too much. X

Im really quite introverted and none of mine are. Dd has some introvert traits but is very outgoing. Ds 3 is incredibly extraverted and likes to put me in all kinds of situations. Ds 4m is super loud already so who knows.

I'm definitely an introvert, I've got more confidence now but I was hideously shy as a child. DH is a bit more confident but he lacks self confidence generally. DD (8) is ridiculously confident, she's like a kangaroo on speed a lot of the time, has lots of male & female friends, very resilient. Definitely not NT, she's being assessed for ASD as she struggles to cope with her emotions, but socially she's fine.
She's absolutely exhausting TBH but we've both made an effort to encourage her confidence from being a baby, as I was especially aware how much I struggled to overcome it & how much it affected me.

These days, I'm less introverted, more: don't give a shit & I only bother with people I actually like or at least respect.

I'd make sure there were children back every week (obviously not at the moment) and invite parents to come for coffee etc. I think that would have helped my dc find their feet socially much more.

I think this is really important. Pre-lockdown, we tried to have someone round every few weeks to play with DS 2yo so (as an only) he became used to sharing his toys and welcoming people to his house. I was ridiculously proud of him when he handed biscuits on plates to his friends without trying to eat them himself . This is totally different to when we were growing up - we were only allowed friends occasionally and the house had to be immaculate.

Whichever you are it’s vital to teach your children manners and social skills and to model that. Unfairly they will miss out on opportunities if they are encouraged to identify as introverts and then sit there and not engage with others.

My mother taught us this from a young age as young teens we were 🙄 but actually she was being a brilliant parent. My shyest sibling ended up with a high profile job interacting with royalty actors academics and the super rich!

Both of my parents were very introverted, so were their three daughters. I married a very extroverted man, and my two children are one of each. And their children are equally in / ex. I think it must be genetic

Doesn't follow from my experience

DH and I both extroverts
DH the only extrovert in his family
Both my parents extroverts but my (elder ) sister an introvert

Our DS (17) a strong extrovert
Our DD (14) a definite introvert

Been obvious since birth with them both

Dh is very introverted. I am a bit of a mixture. I really enjoy social situations and spending time with friends but also love being alone.

Ds1 is very extroverted. Always with friends. Always the loudest one. Doesn't really enjoy school for what it is but never complains about going because he's with his friends.

Dd is quietly extroverted in that she always wants to be with friends but more in a one on one situation. Enjoys social situations very much. Loves school.

Ds2 is quite introverted. He does like to see friends but would rather be at home. School is a huge drain on him. Although he is super clever, it's the crowd of people that tires him.

Dh and I are major introverts too. My ds 4 is one too it seems. The 3 of us really enjoy our own company and with each other - tbh this lockdown hasn't been hard at all. We sort of exist in our own bubble.
My ds says he misses the playground at school, not the kids although he is very liked. Growing up it was always pushed on you that being extroverted was the ideal, now I know that I'm actually lucky to be introverted.
My ds is very easy to parent and I think its alot to do with how similar we all are.

I’d call myself mildly introverted, but one of my dds is an ultra extrovert. The other is more like me.
On both sides there was one GP who was extremely sociable (the other not) so I’m guessing the ultra dd inherited a double dose from them.

I’m an introvert and my husband is very quiet but my DS1 is the complete opposite. He makes friends so easily and at university his flat was always the party flat! My DS2 is more like my husband but not an introvert. I envy people who are at ease in any company.

I think so, my mum hated the school runs and school mums and playground mums etc and I am the same. keep myself to myself. but she's had loads more friends than me.

my dad is the same, he has his friends, he sees them when he wants to, everyone else is an inconvenience.

I got a mix of both of these views - strangers are in the way and acquaintances aren't to be trusted no wonder I haven't made any friends!

I’m an introvert, hubby less is but not an extrovert, dc 1 introvert, dc2 extrovert in the extreme.. talks to anyone and everyone, all the time, can be alone for a max 5 mins unless asleep... never stops...

actually, on the other way, my daughter always chats to people (she's five) and it makes me really uncomfortable
I hate it. I wish she never talked to anyone so I don't have to stand there shaking in my boots watching 😕

very sad but i only enjoy spending time with people I know well (my family) and even them, not too much. Love being at home, or walking with just the kids.
hate any party/ anything social.

Yes.
Though tempered by regression towards the mean.