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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do introverted parents tend to have introverted kids?

103 replies

phoria · 27/12/2020 20:05

What's your experience? Currently pregnant and wondering what baby's personality would be like. I'm a real introvert and feel like I would understand an introverted child more although I know there are no guarantees!

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/12/2020 20:53

My mum is an introvert, I'm extremely extroverted. DS is an extrovert too.

Cameleongirl · 27/12/2020 20:54

DH and I are both mildly introverted, DD is an extrovert, DS is fairly extroverted but slightly less so than DD.

I have no idea how this has come about, we’ve just let them be themselves and that’s how they’ve turned out.

Titsywoo · 27/12/2020 20:55

I'm very introverted and so is DD. DH is more of an extrovert as is DS.

Jennygentle · 27/12/2020 20:55

DS is highly sensitive but loves people and visitors. Me and DH are introverted but in very different ways. What connects us as close family are similar values and a broadly similar view of life.

InTheLongGrass · 27/12/2020 20:58

DH and I both tend towards being introverted.
DS1 is a total extrovert.
DS2 is mire like his parents.

MessAllOver · 27/12/2020 21:00

I am an introvert. DS 3yo is an extrovert. Socially distancing at the playground is a nightmare. We were there the other day and he managed to make friends with another little boy (who we'd never seen before) in the time it took to run into him and knock him over. They spent the entire time chasing each other round the playground and, any time one lost sight of the other, they'd say "where's my friend?" and go look for each other. It was both sweet and bizarre.

At the same age, I remember sitting on the bench next to my mother because I was shy around other children.

alltheadrenalin · 27/12/2020 21:01

I'm an introvert, child and dad definitely extroverts

Nohomemadecandles · 27/12/2020 21:04

I have a friend who always says she's an introvert although I think it's more a social anxiety. She projects it on to her 2 children. One is oblivious and loves being the centre of attention and very sociable and happy even in new situations with large groups. The other is very confident but happy to manipulate mum's projections when it suits! (Blatant to everyone except her).

EagleFlight · 27/12/2020 21:06

One thing I hate about an extroverted child is all the birthday parties and play dates when young.

OutComeTheWolves · 27/12/2020 21:11

I bloody wish. I'm a massive introvert - my kids are not. There could be a guy in a park dressed as Jimmy Saville, kicking a puppy, with a giant sign on him saying 'pedophile child snatcher' and my kids would still find a way to start a conversation with them.

(I've spent years having the stranger danger chat with them btw)

Beansprout30 · 27/12/2020 21:11

Husband and I are both introverts. As a child I was painfully shy and struggles in social situations where I didn’t know people, I can see very similar traits in my daughters and I just pray she won’t be as bad as I was as it held me back to much.

NovemberR · 27/12/2020 21:11

@phoria

So may interesting responses!

Haha, NovemberR. I do wonder if this will be me if I don't get enough time alone.

openallthetime, I am a little concerned about being an introverted parent and how I will cope!

I recommend going out whenever possible so that other children can entertain them in parks, etc!

It was the only way I could cope, to be frank. It is utterly exhausting to parent a small child who talks at you in a monologue from roughly 6am to 6pm...mine would follow me to the toilet, still talking at me.

We did a LOT of day time activities when they were toddlers. And I went out and walked a lot so that they could run about and pick up conkers and talk and I could murmur Mmmm.. and think about other things in my head. I love them all, but my goodness extrovert small children are hard if you are at home with them like I was.

Good luck!

PomWestie · 27/12/2020 21:13

It's hard to imagine that you will give birth to someone whose personality is so very different to your own. Well, I found it hard to imagine. People you would run a mile from if you met them in in the normal course of life come to live with you for 18+ years Grin. Thankfully, you love the bones of them.

I am introvert and gave birth to a extrovert. Every thought this child has is aired. Broadcast even. It's very tiring. But she is ace.

I think the fact that you are asking this question is really great.

saraclara · 27/12/2020 21:13

Introvert here, as was my late husband. One of my daughters is also introverted and bottled up, the other really social and emotionally open.

Cameleongirl · 27/12/2020 21:15

One good thing about having extroverted children is that you always know what’s going on in their lives...they can’t resist telling you.🤣

triceratops12 · 27/12/2020 21:17

Nope both me and DC are introvert but DS is the absolutely opposite. So sociable and chatty to everyone he meets.

PomWestie · 27/12/2020 21:18

@Cameleongirl that is so true! It's a real bonus actually!

DramaAlpaca · 27/12/2020 21:20

I'm an introvert as is DH. We have two introverted DC and one very bouncy, extremely loud, sociable extrovert. We have no idea where he came from Grin

Hardbackwriter · 27/12/2020 21:21

DH's parents are both very introverted and I think just assumed he (their only child) was too, and so did he to a certain extent - I met him in his mid-20s and he was just starting then to really sort out what was his own actual preference (e.g. he prefers smaller groups to large ones) and what was ideas he'd absorbed from his parents (for instance they make it very clear that things like parties or team sports are for stupid people, and so it took DH a while to figure out that he actually quite likes parties but indeed does not enjoy team sports as he'd written both off without trying them). He struggles a bit to maintain friendships and I think that it's because he never really saw an example of friendship between adults when he was younger, and I think grew up assuming that friends were just for children. So based on my sample size of exactly one I think you can't ensure you'll produce an introvert but if you make your own expectations very clear you might be able to shape them in a way that's closer to you - but I'm not sure you should!

blowinahoolie · 27/12/2020 21:25

I would describe myself as introverted, DH is extrovert. DS1 extrovert, DS2 introvert, DS3 very extrovert and DS4 is also very extroverted.

Original poster
phoria · 27/12/2020 21:26

Hardbackwriter, that's interesting. I've never really thought about it before but I do wonder how much of introversion/extroversion is nature v nurture. I was a shy, quiet kid but I always got told off any time I was loud and boisterous at home so this made it worse. Saying that I don't think being an introvert is a bad thing at all!

OP posts:
Livpool · 27/12/2020 21:27

My DPs are introverts and I am definitely not! My DH is pretty introverted and our DS is even more of an extrovert than me!

shamus2020 · 27/12/2020 21:33

I have 4 DD's and 1 DS. I'm an introvert and they're dad is an extrovert. DD's have all taken after they're father and DS is like me.

grassisjeweled · 27/12/2020 21:35

I'm fairly introvert but DS is off the clock extrovert. I've never seen anything like it. He walks up to total strangers and makes friends, leads a group, etc. Nothing fazes him

Cameleongirl · 27/12/2020 21:37

@Hardbackwriter. That’s why I personally think it’s important to let a child be themselves. You can have boundaries, certain behavioral expectations, etc., but if they enjoy parties and team sports and you don’t, so what? They’re not parental clones! I’m glad your DH has found his own interests as an adult.

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