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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is he?....this is rude isn't it?

94 replies

Slipppy · 27/12/2020 17:33

Boyfriend came and stayed for xmas eve/day/boxing day with his children (support bubble so it's allowed).

He was due to go home today, I woke up at 9am and he'd already gone...Got up at god knows what time and just left. No goodbye, house is in an almighty tip from the last 3 days, didn't say goodbye to my children or me, just upped and left and went home.

Called him and asked where he was, he just said he wanted to get home and relax. He does have tendencies to get overwhelmed when there are too many people around for too long and takes himself off for a few hours. I think it's just really fucked me off because it's such rude behaviour. The kitchen was a tip (he cooked last night), detritus from xmas everywhere and not even a thanks for having us from him.

AIBU?

OP posts:

firecracker69 · 27/12/2020 19:41

Weird and very fucking rude indeed. It would put me right off. Sounds like he couldn't wait to get away from you. He obviously lied about trying to wake you up. Awful. That would make me feel like shit.

Burnthurst187 · 27/12/2020 19:42

SO..

If he's done all the cooking for the last three days I'd cut him some slack. Maybe he didn't want to wake you

CustardySergeant · 27/12/2020 19:48

Maybe he was worried you'd want him to clean the kitchen up.

ThirstyGhost · 27/12/2020 19:54

I dunno. It depends what his thinking was. If he was thinking, "Slipppy was up late and is still asleep so be good if she had a lie in. I'll get the kids and we'll creep out like silent ninjas so she can sleep" then that's ok (for me that'd be ok). He'd done all the cooking you say for a few days and you'd agreed to do the cleaning so that side of it - he's not broken your agreement or anything.

I have misophonia (terrible over-reaction to noises that don't bother other folk) so part of me reading this was thinking that you've found someone who can leave the house as quietly as a cat. Clearly a keeper! I know I am a bit odd though, and he's probably just being rude like everyone else is saying.

gurglebelly · 27/12/2020 19:54

Personally I would say super rude. He could at the VERY LEAST have said 'if we are up early, we may dash off so we can chill out. If you aren't up we won't disturb you, thanks for having us we've had a lovely time' before you went to bed

BlairCorneliaWaldorf · 27/12/2020 19:56

What exactly is he supposed to be thanking you for if he did all the cooking? And if he did all the cooking then you should be doing the clearing up.

You were obviously in a very deep sleep if he tried and failed to wake you. Were you smashed last night?

BloggersBlog · 27/12/2020 19:57

Very ignorant, but am slightly in awe that he can get up, pack up his and 2 kids stuff, and the actual kids and leave without waking you up!

VetiverAndLavender · 27/12/2020 20:19

I wouldn't like it, but it doesn't matter who is "right" here. I'd talk to him about it, at some point, and explain that you don't like it when he just disappears without a word. If he cares for you, he'll care enough to do such an easy, little thing, if it makes you happy.

IToldYouIWantedTheUnicorn · 27/12/2020 20:22

I think it's a bit weird that you were in such a deep sleep and were unwakeable

coldwaterfeed · 27/12/2020 20:37

It’s very rude to leave a shit tip.

What happens when you stay at his? Make sure to leave a shit tip to see his reaction.

VodselForDinner · 27/12/2020 20:44

I’m guessing he also dropped the children off to their mum on his way home?

Retiremental · 27/12/2020 21:01

@coldwaterfeed

It’s very rude to leave a shit tip.

What happens when you stay at his? Make sure to leave a shit tip to see his reaction.

So he was supposed to do all the cooking AND the cleaning/tidying?

Why on EARTH do you think he would have left like this? Beggars belief.

bloodyhairy · 27/12/2020 21:10

He got up, his kids were ready to go, and they saw no point in hanging around ... or waking you. No biggie.
And if he cooked for the entire 3 days straight, wasn't it your job to clean up?

coldwaterfeed · 27/12/2020 21:15

@Retiremental the house is a shit tip, not just the kitchen. He needs to clean his shit up.

PhoenixReincarnated · 27/12/2020 21:39

Rude to go without at least leaving you a note. I'm a bit at him saying he tried to wake you. Are you one of those people who are impossible to wake, OP?

Wrt the cleaning if it was just the kitchen that needed cleaning then fair enough. If he's left the rest of the house a shit tip then that's different.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/12/2020 21:41

Yanbu

I get overwhelmed with a lot of people

I still manage to tidy up after my kids and say thanks, even if it's in a letter or text if I feel there is too much going on to say it at the time

BlueThistles · 27/12/2020 23:10

are you okay OP

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2020 23:15

Do you believe he tried to wake you?

converseandjeans · 27/12/2020 23:20

I'm in two minds. On one hand it's rude to sneak off. However he did all the cooking & the deal is usually that the other person tidies up. But you didn't & the house was messy. Maybe his children were keen to get back home - I think he should have kept them home overnight tbh and maybe just visited you during the day.

How old are his DC? I can't imagine many children enjoying being on camp beds for a few nights in someone else's home. I can't imagine your children liked it much either.

How long have you been together?

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