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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he?....this is rude isn't it?

94 replies

Slipppy · 27/12/2020 17:33

Boyfriend came and stayed for xmas eve/day/boxing day with his children (support bubble so it's allowed).

He was due to go home today, I woke up at 9am and he'd already gone...Got up at god knows what time and just left. No goodbye, house is in an almighty tip from the last 3 days, didn't say goodbye to my children or me, just upped and left and went home.

Called him and asked where he was, he just said he wanted to get home and relax. He does have tendencies to get overwhelmed when there are too many people around for too long and takes himself off for a few hours. I think it's just really fucked me off because it's such rude behaviour. The kitchen was a tip (he cooked last night), detritus from xmas everywhere and not even a thanks for having us from him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Vitaminsss · 27/12/2020 18:13

Definitely rude

twilightermummy · 27/12/2020 18:14

I can't quite believe this post. Like the previous poster said, how did all three leave without waking you? If it is true, then yeah it's very fucking rude. Obviously. I'd be wondering if I'd upset him (not that I'd care after that stunt).

Coffeeandcocopops · 27/12/2020 18:14

How did he get up and wake two kids up and leave without you hearing anything?

PegasusReturns · 27/12/2020 18:15

I’d be furious.

I don’t think I could bear to speak to him again.

iftherewereahorseyinthehouse · 27/12/2020 18:16

Did he actually take his children too?!

Amazingly rude.

VimFuego101 · 27/12/2020 18:19

He left his kids asleep downstairs? That's very rude.

InFiveMins · 27/12/2020 18:24

You know it's rude. And disrespectful. He left because he didn't want to clean up - simple as that.

I also hate the excuse of he cooked so you don't mind cleaning up - you're making excuses for his behaviour.

Stop being a doormat and call him out on it.

SunshineCake · 27/12/2020 18:24

He must have taken the kids too unless he left them without bedding.

EddieBananas · 27/12/2020 18:25

Crikey, very rude and odd behaviour. I'd be rethinking the relationship.

What are you going to do?

merryhollybright · 27/12/2020 18:27

@SunshineCake

He must have taken the kids too unless he left them without bedding.
Maybe he rolled them up in the bedding and shoved the lot in the car
ClaireP20 · 27/12/2020 18:27

I actually find it odd that he wanted to spend all Christmas with your family rather than spending it with his kids - quality 121 time WITH HIS OWN CHILDREN.

Unless he has sole custody. But even then, it is odd to uproot his kids to live somewhere else for a couple of days. Without their toys or possessions. Or their own beds.

Seriously, do you not think it odd that he joined with you rather than making a fuss of his kids on his own for a couple of days and letting them sleep in their own beds and have their own things around them over Christmas..??

Let me guess...he left yours and dropped them straight at their mums...

category12 · 27/12/2020 18:30

So you're saying you sleep so deeply that you didn't notice him get up and get his stuff and his kids out of your house? Hmm

And you're pissed off that he didn't stay to do the cleaning up, but he cooked all three days?

ClaireP20 · 27/12/2020 18:31

The fact that he felt it was ok to have his kids sleep in someone else's fucking living room over Christmas, poor kids, makes him an arsehole. You clearly have low standards.

Rollingpiglet · 27/12/2020 18:32

It sounds like sneaking off after a one night stand. Not what you would expect from a partner.

DressingGownofDoom · 27/12/2020 18:36

@ClaireP20

The fact that he felt it was ok to have his kids sleep in someone else's fucking living room over Christmas, poor kids, makes him an arsehole. You clearly have low standards.
THIS what the hell Confused
Tal45 · 27/12/2020 18:36

I think it would have been nice if he'd just written you a little note to say he'd had a lovely few days, tried to wake you, wanted to get back etc etc. and I would tell him so, so that he knows in future you don't just get up and bugger off.

ShagMeRiggins · 27/12/2020 18:37

@ClaireP20

The fact that he felt it was ok to have his kids sleep in someone else's fucking living room over Christmas, poor kids, makes him an arsehole. You clearly have low standards.
Oh, please. When families get together for holidays the children sleep everywhere and anywhere. Sometimes the adults do as well.

It’s about being together.

Original poster
Slipppy · 27/12/2020 18:37

Christ Grin

Kids were on fold out beds downstairs (and yep he took them, the kids not the beds)

Not sure it’s uncommon to head off to other peoples houses at Xmas is it? I mean maybe this year but it’s quite normal otherwise to share a family Xmas

Yes I thanked him for cooking as I always do. He cooks because he loves it, he offers and wouldn’t particularly want anyone else cooking.

I’m not sure I sleep that heavily?! I didn’t hear him go and my DDs were still asleep when I got up.

Yes even a note or text would have been better than just wandering around wondering where he had gone

OP posts:
52andblue · 27/12/2020 18:37

I think it's rude, yes.

Original poster
Slipppy · 27/12/2020 18:38

He’s also left a load of stuff here so he must have really gone in a hurry!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 27/12/2020 18:39

That's dreadful. Tell him you're finished.

Daphnise · 27/12/2020 18:40

You may need to consider ending things with him.

Or undertaking never to complain when (and it will be when, and often) he does thing like this.

BestOfABadLot · 27/12/2020 18:40

@ShagMeRiggins Hardly relevant here by the sounds of it but come on! Most normal people wouldn't want an apology from someone who left a situation because they were having a panic attack. That's completely different from someone fancying relaxing at home and upping and leaving.

Shoxfordian · 27/12/2020 18:40

Have you dumped him yet?

TruculentandFarty · 27/12/2020 18:41

Totally think it is rude. At the very least he could have left a note saying that he woke up and decided to get an early start home and didn't want to wake you, that he loved you and thanks for everything.

It would take thirty seconds to write that and presumedly you would have been a little taken aback but fine with it.

Maybe a discussion about expectations?