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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he?....this is rude isn't it?

94 replies

Slipppy · 27/12/2020 17:33

Boyfriend came and stayed for xmas eve/day/boxing day with his children (support bubble so it's allowed).

He was due to go home today, I woke up at 9am and he'd already gone...Got up at god knows what time and just left. No goodbye, house is in an almighty tip from the last 3 days, didn't say goodbye to my children or me, just upped and left and went home.

Called him and asked where he was, he just said he wanted to get home and relax. He does have tendencies to get overwhelmed when there are too many people around for too long and takes himself off for a few hours. I think it's just really fucked me off because it's such rude behaviour. The kitchen was a tip (he cooked last night), detritus from xmas everywhere and not even a thanks for having us from him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WunWun · 27/12/2020 18:41

@Viviennemary

That's dreadful. Tell him you're finished.
Oh shut up.
Frouby · 27/12/2020 18:41

I think it's OK actually, he was going today anyway, probably easier to usher the dcs quietly into the car first thing than wake the whole house, he's cooked so done his share and he's come to you so probably wants to be at home for a day or 2 before work etc.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 27/12/2020 18:43

If he's been cooking I can't see why you didn't do the washing up at least. Maybe he was fed up of the mess 😂

CorianderQueen · 27/12/2020 18:51

So he cooks and you clean but you didn't clean so you're mad it's a mess?

AlwaysCheddar · 27/12/2020 18:52

Extremely rude! I’d dump him.

Coyoacan · 27/12/2020 18:53

Ok, well I thought he'd just pissed off and left you with all the work so I voted that he done wrong, but then you drip feed that he did all the cooking for the last three days and even tried to wake you up to say goodbye, so I am disowning my vote

Jux · 27/12/2020 18:53

Dump dump dump.

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2020 18:54

Monumentally rude. Totally unreasonable.

partyatthepalace · 27/12/2020 18:55

It’s beyond rude.

On the most basic level, nothing stopping him getting up early, clearing up the mess in the kitchen, making an attempt at straightening up generally, and waking you to say goodbye (or if he couldn’t, which no one believes) then leave a note.

But on the level of someone you’d want to have a relationship with... personally I would not want someone who just buggered off when they felt they wanted some me time, whether they cleaned up and left a note or not. Nothing wrong with wanting time out, but in a family/relationship you have to communicate, not just walk out.

So in a week or so, I’d have a serious chat w him about this.

Candyfloss99 · 27/12/2020 18:59

Shockingly rude.

Sertchgi123 · 27/12/2020 19:01

What a charmer! I would be so cross that he left such a mess for someone else to clear up.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 27/12/2020 19:07

Personally I think having a whole other family in a small house over the whole of Christmas is asking for trouble.
I get twitchy when I can’t have a poo with some privacy. Two nights would be my max with other people’s families especially over Christmas with all the extra expectations/alcohol/ traditions thrown in.
Why was it so messy though?

Bourbonbiccy · 27/12/2020 19:10

I'm not too sure really. It wouldn't bother me if my boyfriend left after trying to wake me but couldn't.

It wouldn't bother Me if I was sleeping and my boyfriend left, I wouldn't need a thank you really, it seems a bit weird. If his kids had stayed over, you have obviously been together for a long time, so I wouldn't expect to be woken for a thank you. (I would be more annoyed if he woke me just to say bye)

BlueThistles · 27/12/2020 19:10

He's seriously RUDE Flowers

Unsure33 · 27/12/2020 19:12

He did all the cooking .?

I would let him off .

ShellieEllie · 27/12/2020 19:18

Tried to wake you??? Absolute bollocks and you know it! Beyond rude, I don't think you need us to confirm it.

GabsAlot · 27/12/2020 19:22

rude that he left without saying goodbye yes

the mess well if its cooking stuff you said you were meant to be doin g the cleaning so not a big deal

Lookslikerainted · 27/12/2020 19:23

If you were two mates who had a big night and one sneaked out in the early hours that’s ok. As he’s your boyfriend and he’s been for a few days makes This situation is rude

mam0918 · 27/12/2020 19:25

@ApolloandDaphne

How did he get himself and his children out of the house without waking you? I sleep very lightly and wake when my DH gets out of bed so this seems very strange to me!
Im a very light sleeper too but others I know are not.

Many times I have had to just up and leave a friend because I litrally couldnt even shake them awake, they have never been mad. In fact they normally appologise for not waking up in time to say bye.

Worse is when they put the keys somewhere and you get locked in long past when you had to go to and thats annoying as fuck too because then your whole plans get stuck (and Im not about to be climing out of 2nd story windows etc...).

OP says he said he tried to wake her so Im going to guess she isnt a light sleeper.

Cloglover · 27/12/2020 19:26

Well, whether it's rude or not but anyone else's standards is irrelevant. You were clearly upset by it. You said he has form, just tell him you find it rude (as most people would) and to not do it in future.

Chabbylis · 27/12/2020 19:26

Very rude - and passing on that rudeness to his children too. They should be taught to say proper goodbyes and thank yous too!

Sally872 · 27/12/2020 19:27

He should have woke you and said goodbye if deciding to leave early. If he genuinely couldn't wake you then surely he would have been worried about you. Clearly he just wanted to go. Maybe he has a good reason but it was rude and I would hope to hear apology and explanation.

OhBaublesBaubles · 27/12/2020 19:32

Seems like you were his bit of Christmas pudding/pie slice Flowers

RaininSummer · 27/12/2020 19:34

Very rude and thoughtless.

DfEisashambles · 27/12/2020 19:39

I would just take it with a pinch of salt to be honest, in your shoes.