Mummies boy husband

[Minnie6078]

My DH is a great guy but recently how much of a mummies boy he is is really bothering me to the point I feel he sees his mum as more of his family than me and the kids.

He speaks with her 2/3 times a day on the phone, he calls round whenever he has a free moment over Christmas he has been there everyday for the past 5 days and MIL will ring him and ask when he’s coming up pretty much daily! Or she just turns up here.

I know he talks to his mum about EVERYTHING, including some personal things I’ve been going through recently (depression) which I asked him not to. I know he did as I hear MiL on the phone asking questions about me to which he says ‘shhh can’t speak’

His adult brother still lives with MIL and he rings also most days asking if he’s going up for a drink. If I try to say anything about the amount of time he spends there then I get shit down quickly by DH and he reports back to his mum which then makes my relationship with her difficult.

I’m just finding it such a turn off atm I feel like I’m starting to see my DH in a different way because of this am I being unreasonable?

Next time he wants to pop over to his Mum's I would say I had a head ache and send the kids over with him and you have a relax your self.

"don’t make someone a priority, when they only make you an option"

I read this on another thread today. It could've been written for you, OP.

@Pinksmyfavoritecolour How is this poor woman going to take care of herself when her husband has his lips pressed up against his mommy's nether region?

@ScottishBetty very true!! 😂

You should leave this relationship and speak to a divorce attorney in the new year

@TatianaBis

OP from your updates it’s clear you need to rethink your life.

You’ve had kids with a man who left you struggling and in pain with the newborn to help his mum for 3 days. That is beyond shocking.

If it wasn’t you who wanted kids more and he genuinely thought he wanted to have them - he clearly doesn’t actually want them.

You need to think through this SAHM set up as it’s not sustainable doing all this for a man who’s not interested in family life. Whose principal interests are drinking and avoiding his family.

You need to think about how you will earn money if/when this falls apart.

This is excellent advice.

You said it’s getting worse and also that he’s drinking a lot. Could he possibly be escaping to his mum’s so it’s a seemingly valid way to get out of parenting responsibilities? Is he struggling to cope? I can’t think why else clearing an attic for three days would be an appealing alternative to helping you and your new baby. YANBU remotely unreasonable - it sounds bloody awful.

Talking from bitter experience op, it doesn’t get any better. My mil lives a 1000 miles away and my husband still calls her at least twice a day. Prior to lockdown he would fly to see her at least every six weeks or so. We don’t have highly paid jobs so it’s meant much less money at our disposal. I can honestly say that by prioritising his mum so much, it has caused so much damage to our marriage and I honestly am an easy going person who has no issue with a mother wanting to be involved in their adult child’s life and vice versa. Be warned!

shallbe

"Speaking to her two or three times a day though? That's intrusive surely?

I wonder how many mothers and daughters do this and if they would be judged for doing so?"

If they were leaving the kids with their partner, to talk on the phone to mum for long periods a day, and significantly, going to see mum to drink I would certainly judge that as unhelpful to family life.

What does he add to your life? What would you get if he were to leave (I mean financially benefits etc)?

I speak to my mum sometimes twice a day but never to the detriment of my husband and children.
Plus I definitely would not be telling mum about my husband's medical/ health problems especially if he'd asked me not to.
You need to take Tatiana's advice OP and stop doing everything for him and take steps to find some work and sort out your finances.

No wonder you are depressed.
He is still a child and needs to grow up and start taking responsibility for his family.
How nice for him to be sat drinking beer with his brother, whilst his Mum, no doubt waits on him, and you are at home raising his kids.
You are worth so much more than this.