MIL wants us to restrict movements so we can see her

[smburke123]

My MIL was meant to go to DH brother for Christmas, she goes there every year. she has never ever gone to any of her other DC. This year he uninvited her because he feels his kids have too many contacts, fair enough. DH's other sister is similar to us, young kids but in school. We have the least number of contacts.

She tells us she might come to us unless DH's sister won't take her. Which I think is rude tbh. Sister took her. She calls me up and says she is coming for a few nights after new year, so we need to restrict movements so we can see her safely.

Just in case people think we are wild. We are not going out much or seeing lots of people. Pretty much doing exactly as the government directs.

AIBU to be annoyed... she wants us to have an extra layer of restrictions so we can see her... even though we are her last resort.

"I thought reading the restrictions would make me judgemental of others, which must be exhausting?"

Nice. Subtle

If you replace "the restrictions" with the word "Mumsnet" you will have it right JOKING

Seriously though, an parent who is responsible for small children but who doesn't even trouble to educate themselves or watch the news, in the middle of a global pandemic, is surely being irresponsible?

So if you are posting in an attempt to make a dig at people, making yourself look lazy and/or ignorant in the process isn't the most clever way of going about it...

I would say no. Not only is she asking you to restrict movements to welcome her, but she is having a lot of different contacts so can bring it to you.

Obviously, she is the vulnerable one (unless the new covid variant changes things and children become more sensitive) but I would just say no on the basis of the rudeness.

She only told me on the 22nd she was coming and we should restrict our movements for her

And in the 5 days since this happened, it hasn’t occurred to any of you to look up whether this is allowed or not?!

If you haven’t been out for days and don’t intend to go out till the 5th, it sounds like you want to be careful. This being the case, wouldn’t you feel that someone who has been mixing with other households shouldn’t come in to yours to put you at risk?

Your post isn’t about that at all though?! You’re cross that she wants you to not see anyone, when you haven’t seen anyone anyway and you feel second best.

It feels like you have missed the point really.

op, at this moment she is not allowed, i am guessing she is tier 2 as well? to be honest, its not you that needs to be reminded to restrict movement but her! she seems to be the one mixing than you. however i also think that the rules may change to be stricter still by the time she is due.

To swap a support bubble both “halves” need to have 10 days (used to be 14) away from any other bubble / as a single household so she can’t come to you for at least 10 days after bubbling with the sister anyway ...

[quote smburke123]@Nanasplit

I wasn't planning on seeing her, she said she might come then made plans with someone else. So I assumed she wasn't coming. She only told me on the 22nd she was coming and we should restrict our movements for her.

We have not met anyone since the 18th, except for garden exchange of gifts on the 24th. We don't plan on coming out until the 5th[/quote]
Look. She can't come. You're not her Bubble.

End of story.

And we'll probably all be Tier 4 by the 1st skyway

Just say no. Pure cheek of her

In Scotland we are in lockdown till the 18th of jan so thankfully we don’t need to worry about this haha

Just say that you’re not having any indoor visitors to your home for any period of time until you’ve been vaccinated and then only if regulations permit.

She’s trying to flout things to suit herself

Why not tell her too that if she swaps bubbles why is SHE not self isolated before trying to start another

She doesn’t think she’s part of the bloody problem does she?

Tell her no. She's bubbled with SiL. End of discussion. If she's bored she can go back there.

You can't have one support bubble one day and a different support bubble another day.

Most of all I think OP's DH needs to handle this situation & comms with the MIL, after consulting with OP what is realistic for everyone in the candidate host household.

My step-sisters reduced contacts to be able to host our elderly parents for spells (outside UK so no bubble rules anyway). I know I wouldn't be able to be as cautious as our parents want, so am grateful to step-sisters for being the hosts. I don't think it's automatically ridiculous for MIL to ask (and I don't care about chop-change bubbles). OP & her DH need to decide jointly what they are comfortable doing to accommodate (if anything) & have a very firm & united front about what they can offer.

@2pinkginsplease

Tell her she has already formed a bubble with sil therefore she isn’t allowed to visit anyone else’s house. However you will meet up once restrictions are more relaxed.

Bubble was allowed for 25th only. Unless you are in the Isles of Scilly the only people allowed in your house are support bubbles. So she just can’t come.

And yes OP, in the gentlest way - I definitely think that you and everyone should make a point of being aware of the restrictions in place. Having DC and DDogs doesn't exempt anyone from knowing and adhering to the restrictions. If you had known them, you wouldn't even have needed to post this thread.

YANBU. What’s that saying; don’t make someone a priority, when they only make you an option

She's already in a bubble with other relatives, so can't change to being in one with you (if I've understood the rules correctly). Just tell her the rules don't allow it and no, she can't come to stay with you.

There is no excuse for not keeping up with the current regulations OP.

The tier 2 restrictions haven't changed for months.

I'd love to know how anybody who lives in the UK and speaks English could not be up on them unless they are deliberately being provocative

Why don't you just say 'no'?

You can tell her that it is not allowed under the current Covid rules. It doesn't sound as if you like each other very much so I'm puzzled as to why you would allow her to visit even if we weren't in the middle of a global pandemic. Where does your DH sit with all this?

As an aside, of course you should be aware of the rules. Ignorance is no excuse.

In Scotland we are in lockdown till the 18th of jan so thankfully we don’t need to worry about this haha

Cross border support bubbles are allowed, but the 10 day rule applies.

Sorry - I think the quarantine period might be 14 days in Scotland - happy to be corrected - no intentions to bubble with anyone in Scotland, so I think its fair to say this isn't relevant to me!

She can’t.

She’s in the sisters bubble now. So that’s it. She can’t change bubbles all the time

I doubt she said it quite how it is described here.

Your choice, op, you can say yes or no. If she does come I would want to know how long the 'few days' is precisely.

Say fine you will then the day before say o no we’ve developed symptoms 🤒

What on earth does having non school age children have to do with not knowing the restrictions in the tier you are in?? You have a duty to understand exactly what you can or can't do regardless of how old your children are.

I've spent the majority of this year shielding, unable to see friends and family and my DC unable to see grandparents and it's selfish fuckwits like you that means this whole pandemic will go on and on.

LEARN THE FUCKING RULES!!"