MIL wants us to restrict movements so we can see her

[smburke123]

My MIL was meant to go to DH brother for Christmas, she goes there every year. she has never ever gone to any of her other DC. This year he uninvited her because he feels his kids have too many contacts, fair enough. DH's other sister is similar to us, young kids but in school. We have the least number of contacts.

She tells us she might come to us unless DH's sister won't take her. Which I think is rude tbh. Sister took her. She calls me up and says she is coming for a few nights after new year, so we need to restrict movements so we can see her safely.

Just in case people think we are wild. We are not going out much or seeing lots of people. Pretty much doing exactly as the government directs.

AIBU to be annoyed... she wants us to have an extra layer of restrictions so we can see her... even though we are her last resort.

Understanding the restrictions doesn't make you judgemental of others - I just like to know what the restrictions are.

@unicornparty

How can you not know what the rules are? This is literally life or death for people, it's so important that everyone knows the rules and restrictions.

The OP has said that they aren't really going out much other than shopping and are not mixing with other people. Until MIL decided to foist herself on them there probably wasn't much need to look into the rules if you know you aren't mixing. I couldn't tell you which tiers gyms are open in as they are not a part of my life. OP seems quite happy to stick to the rules now she knows them just as I would respect the rules on gym opening if I felt an overwhelming desire to investigate joining one.

@smburke123

I don't think it is selfish to not know restrictions that came in on the 20th, when you have absolutely nothing planned apart from minding 3 dc under 5 and 2 dogs.

I thought reading the restrictions would make me judgemental of others, which must be exhausting?

But the problem is when you don't know the restrictions then they get broken by things like having house guests to stay. They're there for a reason. It sounds like your life is not massively imposed upon by COVID or restrictions but blasé attitudes are really frustrating for those of us that are really impacted.

Exactly. How does being informed make you judgmental?

And you were planning to see your MIL!

Christmas has been and gone so why would she be coming to you for Christmas?

Please familiarise yourself with the rules. The “new” variant of Covid 19 may be more likely to infect your children. It is unlikely to cause a serious infection but it won’t be fun looking after 3 under 5s with Covid when you are suffering yourself.

I've chosen not to learn the Highway Code because I think it might make me judgemental of other people driving

Yanbu to tell her no. It's against the rules. If she wants to join you as a support bubble she needs to have a gap of at least 10 days between mixing. She would be putting you at greater risk than you would her as she has had close contact with others. Plus she is a CF

The OP apparently follows the government's rules but doesnt actually know what they are

To be fair, I think lots of people do this. I haven't followed the rules for restaurants or cinemas closing and opening because I'm not interested in going while there are still restrictions. I don't know the rules for gyms or weddings or sports matches and I don't want to go on an awkwardly socially distanced walk with 6 people. I know the rules that relate to support bubbles and carers because they relate to me.

op I love this take on life during covid-19, its refreshing
BUT if u can be bothered to post.on here at least gen up on what the rules say first. sorry for the telling off.

Tell her she has already formed a bubble with sil therefore she isn’t allowed to visit anyone else’s house. However you will meet up once restrictions are more relaxed.

@Nanasplit

I wasn't planning on seeing her, she said she might come then made plans with someone else. So I assumed she wasn't coming. She only told me on the 22nd she was coming and we should restrict our movements for her.

We have not met anyone since the 18th, except for garden exchange of gifts on the 24th. We don't plan on coming out until the 5th

It’s not a technicality, OP - what she wants to do is against the rules. She’s already breaking the rules, as ‘Christmas bubbles’ were only allowed for one day.

Just get your DH to explain that New Year visits can’t happen.

If all else fails and you are both too unhappy to tell her no directly (although sounds like she’s quite happy to tell you no!) then the kids can all come down with norovirus on 29th...

x-post with TW2013 !

@smburke123

I don't think it is selfish to not know restrictions that came in on the 20th, when you have absolutely nothing planned apart from minding 3 dc under 5 and 2 dogs.

I thought reading the restrictions would make me judgemental of others, which must be exhausting?

But surely you would ensure that you DID know the rules before having any kind of conversation with anyone about visiting/staying over. This is too important to stick your head in the sand about.

She's chosen her bubble, she cannot come to yours and stay.

I thought reading the restrictions would make me judgemental of others, which must be exhausting?

Wtf? I have to admit that I read the restrictions and now I am feeling judgemental of you. That you are too lazy to read them yourself and that by not doing so you risk spreading the virus.

I don't think the OP is being ridiculous for not knowing all of the restrictions. By the sounds of it she's living as though she's in Tier 3 anyway and has no plans to mix with anyone. Regardless of where you live, the advice is to limit contacts as much as possible, and that is what she is doing.

Oh wow, people. Leave off the OP. She’s got pre-school kids so no worries about school or childcare transmission. She’s only walking the dogs and staying at home. She’s not “spreading the virus” by not knowing the ever-changing Christmas rules. Now she knows - no need for all the vitriol.

She’s already breaking the rules, as ‘Christmas bubbles’ were only allowed for one day.

No she isn't if she lives alone - a support bubble, as opposed to a Christmas bubble is not time or tier restricted.

However, there needs to be a gap of 10 days if you change support bubbles.

@NoSquirrels

Oh wow, people. Leave off the OP. She’s got pre-school kids so no worries about school or childcare transmission. She’s only walking the dogs and staying at home. She’s not “spreading the virus” by not knowing the ever-changing Christmas rules. Now she knows - no need for all the vitriol.

It's not Christmas rules. It's just the rules. We've been doing this for months.

Hello OP
If you put your postcode in here, it will tell you what the law and guidance are in your area.
www.gov.uk/find-coronavirus-local-restrictions
It seems likely that what your MIL is suggesting is illegal, and your DH needs to tell her that.
I do know a case where the old person blithely brought covid to the younger generation by demanding a family visit. My friends were then wiped out with it for 10 days- not fun, especially with small children to care for and entertain.

The Government is your friend here. The Christmas bubble was just for 5 days ending Monday but it changed depending on where you live to just Christmas Day. Lots going into Tier 4 on Boxing Day. Lots are predicting a national lockdown for New Year anyways. And unless you are her support bubble on a normal week then no she can't be staying over etc. Go google quick

@NoSquirrels

Oh wow, people. Leave off the OP. She’s got pre-school kids so no worries about school or childcare transmission. She’s only walking the dogs and staying at home. She’s not “spreading the virus” by not knowing the ever-changing Christmas rules. Now she knows - no need for all the vitriol.

Did anyone say she was 'spreading the virus'? @NoSquirrels I can't see where they have. Apologies if I missed it.

We haven't and don't plan to be going anywhere but for walks and we won't be mixing with anyone until I go back to work and DCs go back to school, but I really think that it's everyone's responsibility to ensure that they know what the rules are in their particular Tier. It's just the right thing to do. They weren't 'ever-changing' rules, they changed once.

@smburke123

I don't think it is selfish to not know restrictions that came in on the 20th, when you have absolutely nothing planned apart from minding 3 dc under 5 and 2 dogs.

I thought reading the restrictions would make me judgemental of others, which must be exhausting?

The rules for support bubbles for single people have not changed since they were first introduced OP. Your MIL can be in a support bubble with ONE household. She cannot move her support bubble from house to house. Therefore she can't meet anyone in your household indoors. You can meet outdoors like everyone else.

"I wasn't planning on seeing her, she said she might come then made plans with someone else. So I assumed she wasn't coming. She only told me on the 22nd she was coming and we should restrict our movements for her."

The whole point of your thread, as I read it, is that your MIL is coming to stay for a few days, she wants you to restrict your movements to keep her safe and you're annoyed about how rude that is when you're the last choice of people she sees.

What people are saying is that this whole plan is against the law and irresponsible. Your response is that you haven't bothered to find out the rules so weren't aware that it isn't allowed. This is why you are getting the responses you are getting.