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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Buy your own stuff then

84 replies

Tinsel57 · 26/12/2020 16:57

Brought partner some gifts. Opens each of them saying “I don’t need one of these” and “why u got me this for my kettle works fine” “Why u brought me that and where am I going to put it”. His kettle is on its way out by the way!!
Those were his responses whilst opening most things. Well today I told him exactly how ungrateful he is and that going forwards I will not be buying him gifts again. He is now offended that I shared my mind and has gone off in a huff. AIBU to think he can piss off.

OP posts:

grisen · 26/12/2020 18:15

Also — comparing it to trainers is ridiculous. People often have more than 1 pair of trainers. Much like you might have more than one pair of socks or jewellery.

mam0918 · 26/12/2020 18:16

My dad use to be like this as a child, it really hurt and I can only remember 3 times he ever liked the gift (out of dozens upon dozens of gifts).

He got better with age (although they say he may have early dementia) and is now nicer but still says 'save your money for the kids, I dont need anything' (which is much nicer than the old 'what the fuck did you buy me that for?') although every so often we will still get an slightly snappier response.

MrsGulDukat · 26/12/2020 18:18

I got a Kettle for Christmas and a matching toaster to fit my colour scheme in the kitchen. And my kettle was knackered.

I'd have fucking delighted if I was brought a 50" smart tv.

Ask for the gifts back and return them. The ungrateful sod.

Butchyrestingface · 26/12/2020 18:19

You got him a smart tv and he bought you trainers - AND HE WAS RUDE ABOUT IT? Is this gift negging??? I think you have obviously over-spent here!!! He should be mortified!!! Next time have a strict limit!!!

Why should he be mortified that she has overspent? Trainers sound like a great gift (assuming you like wearing trainers). A kettle - not so much. As for the smart TV, did he want one, and specifically that model?

missmouse101 · 26/12/2020 18:20

Op, do you mean bought? You keep saying brought which means something else.

Lovemusic33 · 26/12/2020 18:22

He’s possibly one of those people who doesn’t replace things until they actually stop working?

My tv is quite old but it works so I wouldn’t replace it, if someone bought me a new one I would feel a bit pissed off as mine is perfectly fine until it stops working, same with my kettle.

He was rude though and shouldn’t have acted like an ungrateful twat.

Jaxhog · 26/12/2020 18:23

He is now offended that I shared my mind

So it's ok for him to share his mind, but not for you? Dump him.

HerRoyalNotness · 26/12/2020 18:27

I’d be stoked with practical gifts (indeed
That’s what I got this year) then I can spend my money on fun stuff

I notice he slagged everything off but still TOOK it all home with him. Cheeky git

Eckhart · 26/12/2020 18:36

There seems to be little respect in this relationship. Does he make you happy generally?

caringcarer · 26/12/2020 18:49

Take TV back and get refund. Most shops are allowing returns until end of January. He sounds ungrateful. What did he get you?

melissasummerfield · 26/12/2020 18:49

Its doesn’t matter what she bought, he should not be so rude.

OP don't settle for someone who has no regard for your feelings!

SnooperTrooper12345 · 26/12/2020 18:57

A lot of people are defending him with the reasoning "He got you trainers, that's thoughtful. You got him a TV was it the brand ect he wanted?"
The same can be said for trainers? Were they ones she wanted?

CottonSock · 26/12/2020 19:00

Maybe he thought you got carried away. A 50 inch tv without discussing it first would be a bit odd in our house.

SilverBirchWithout · 26/12/2020 19:02

He should have tried to sound pleased, but to be honest they are strange presents to give out of the blue to someone. As an adult most people would rather choose the exact model of tv or kettle the want to replace their own old items.
To be honest it feels a tad controlling to choose these sort of items for someone else’s home - particularly a partner you don’t live with. Although you were still very generous, of course.
One year DH bought me a toaster (along with some other much more thoughtful gifts). We did need a new toaster, but it felt really odd to get an ordinary household appliance, not very personal, and I would have liked to have chosen the colour. I was a bit nonplussed, but said thanks (& teased him about it later).
My DH would have a hissy fit if I bought him a telly - he loves to spend weeks and weeks working out which model is best himself for such a big ticket item.
I think you have made a big mistake and miscalculated about appropriate gifts. Mind you, I wouldn’t like anyone to buy trainers I had not chosen myself either.

00100001 · 26/12/2020 19:05

@tulippa

He was impolite and ungrateful. However, I would be passed off to get a kettle for Christmas (not that I would show it). A thoughtful present has nothing to do with how much you spend. Maybe he was embarrassed that you think his stuff isn't good enough and needs replacing and then expressed himself in the wrong way?

My sister was chuffed with her new kettle... Even sent me a picture of her boiling it for the first time she was happy

celtiethree · 26/12/2020 19:13

To be fair a 50” tv is massive. If it’s replacing an old tv it’s probably a lot bigger and he might not be able to see where he would put it. I’d not be that happy to be presented with a smart tv or a kettle they are things I’d rather choose myself.

grapewine · 26/12/2020 19:14

Screw no more gifts. It'd be no more him. How rude.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 26/12/2020 19:17

If your relationship is otherwise fine and this is an aberration, maybe agree that you don't buy each other presents.

If your relationship has other difficulties then it's worth assessing whether it's time to accept that you don't have room for a relationship that will meet your needs while your resources are supporting this unsatisfactory one.

beavisandbutthead · 26/12/2020 19:21

You dont live together after 3yrs, he moans and grumbles at all gifts...if your at a stage where your not going to bother anymore its time for New Year to start as a single person.

Sertchgi123 · 26/12/2020 19:23

@Tinsel57

A kettle amongst other things a brand new 50 inch tv! He is very rude. Been together 3 years and he does this all the time, birthdays, Christmas etc. I have now learned my lesson. Not spending another penny

I would break up with him. Why stay with someone who is so rude and ungrateful?

GabsAlot · 26/12/2020 19:31

reminds me of the other thread where the dh bought his wife a hoover that he preferred

the kettle could have been bought at any time really if its on its last legs

the tv was a nice present

stackemhigh · 26/12/2020 19:41

He sounds very ungrateful. I would get the TV back and return it.

Do you usually spend way more on him than he does on you?

NigellaAwesome · 26/12/2020 19:51

How much did you spend on him? It seems like a lot.

Did he spend a comparable amount on you?

Perhaps he feels suffocated by the expensive presents? I'm not saying you have done this, but some people buy excessive gifts as a way of keeping someone beholden in a relationship. It can be very manipulative.

Do you not have conversations about mutually agreed budgets / expectations?

CrazyToast · 26/12/2020 20:07

Who cares if the gift was good or not? I can't believe how many people are mentioning that.

It is never ok to be so rude about gifts no matter how shit you think they are.

I would not stay with this man nor allow anyone to treat me in such an ungrateful way. This behaviour will filter into the rest of his actions too.

Just in general I have been quite shocked at the rude and entitled approach to gifts I've been reading about on here, this Christmas. No one is owed an amazing gift. It's never ok to be snotty cos you didnt like your gift. My mother taught me that as a child and it still stands. Are we really so self-asborbed these days.

GabsAlot · 26/12/2020 20:12

because its still got ot be on context would you like a scrubbing brush and gloves or a hoover you didnt need or want

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