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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Buy your own stuff then

84 replies

Tinsel57 · 26/12/2020 16:57

Brought partner some gifts. Opens each of them saying “I don’t need one of these” and “why u got me this for my kettle works fine” “Why u brought me that and where am I going to put it”. His kettle is on its way out by the way!!
Those were his responses whilst opening most things. Well today I told him exactly how ungrateful he is and that going forwards I will not be buying him gifts again. He is now offended that I shared my mind and has gone off in a huff. AIBU to think he can piss off.

OP posts:
tulippa · 26/12/2020 17:45

Pissed off!!!!

katy1213 · 26/12/2020 17:46

Sounds like you're spending far too much on him. Does he reciprocate? or is he embarrassed by it?

AcornAutumn · 26/12/2020 17:46

@Tinsel57

I did offer to return it but he took it with him. His tv is about 15 years old. I thought I was being nice by upgrading it to a smart tv. I won’t bother next time. Gift voucher only in future.
My tv was about 20 till quite recently.

Perhaps he thought it was a criticism?

countrygirl99 · 26/12/2020 17:46

He was rude but tbh I wouldn't have been impressed with a kettle ax a gift. How would you feel if he bought you an iron?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 26/12/2020 17:46

Also, did you check that these were things he actually, you know, wanted?

Basically you thought his appliances needed replacing, but he was happy with them. You appear to have spent a shed load of money, but given zero thought. Most people would rather receive a gift that felt personal and thoughtful than an expensive appliance they didn't even want.

LittleMissLockdown · 26/12/2020 17:50

As rude as it is to voice your disappointment at gifts theb2 examples of what you have brought him are basically a passive aggressive way of saying your stuffs shit and needs replacing. If his kettle had stopped working im sure he would have replaced it and he obviously doesn't mind having a 15 year old TV so I can kind of see why he was bewildered. You basically upgraded his appliances without asking his thoughts on items he will use every day.

Original poster
Tinsel57 · 26/12/2020 17:50

But when we go out shopping and browsing he goes on about wanting a smart tv.
So @ReceptacleForTheRespectable not thoughtless at all. I also don’t see what wrong with replacing a broken kettle. All the gifts he brought me, I have already but it doesn’t hurt to have more !

OP posts:
Plumplumbadum · 26/12/2020 17:51

I'm going to go against the grain and say what did you expect? He does this regularly and yet you still offer up gifts to be rudely rejected by him. When you keep on doing the same things and expecting a different result then you are going to spend your time being sorely disappointed. And who's fault is this? His or yours?
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but people only treat you as you allow them to.

Original poster
Tinsel57 · 26/12/2020 17:51

He brought me trainers and I have some. I didn’t think he was being rude by replacing them! Not at all. I also brought him things he doesn’t have. The moral of the story for me is that I won’t do it again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinsel57 · 26/12/2020 17:52

Lesson learnt now @ Plumplumbadum

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 26/12/2020 17:53

He sounds like an arse. He’d be get nothing from me next time.

Chloemol · 26/12/2020 17:54

Just don’t buy presents in the future

Barmyfarmy · 26/12/2020 17:54

OP you've clearly bought lovely gifts that you've put plenty of thought into, even if you'd bought him a tea towel he shouldn't be so ungrateful!

DH got a t shirt and a ring this year because his gifts have been so delayed, he didn't complain once.

There is no reason why someone who loves you should be that rude to you, especially when it's a regular occurence!

I rarely agree with the LTB comments on posts like these but do you really see yourself staying with someone so ungrateful and horrid to you? I'm sure you deserve someone kinder, OP.

1forAll74 · 26/12/2020 17:55

He seems like a Bum of a bloke, and hasn't ever learned to be thankful at all , about gifts that are given to him. I have been in this situation myself years ago, and would never buy,or gift this person another single thing.

SamanthaJayne4 · 26/12/2020 17:56

My DH of many years is similar. He is on the verge of getting gift vouchers. He actually was ok this year. You don't have to LTB unless you want to. There are ways of solving problems!

justilou1 · 26/12/2020 17:56

You got him a smart tv and he bought you trainers - AND HE WAS RUDE ABOUT IT? Is this gift negging??? I think you have obviously over-spent here!!! He should be mortified!!! Next time have a strict limit!!!

Benjispruce2 · 26/12/2020 17:58

If he’s rude, why are you with him and planning to still be with him next Christmas?

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2020 18:03

@Tinsel57

A kettle amongst other things a brand new 50 inch tv! He is very rude. Been together 3 years and he does this all the time, birthdays, Christmas etc. I have now learned my lesson. Not spending another penny
You spent a fortune!!

What did you get?

Nomoresleeps · 26/12/2020 18:03

Did he not even like the tv?

nimbuscloud · 26/12/2020 18:04

What pluses does he bring to your life?

Thinkingg · 26/12/2020 18:04

Going against the grain, I think those were poor gift choices. You can't really use more than one kettle or tv. I would be annoyed if someone decided to upgrade appliances that I already had, it would just seem wasteful to me. And if you live together, it's hardly a personal present for him, unless you never use the telly or kettle.

What were the other things that he complained about? Did you ask him what he wanted?

Alternista · 26/12/2020 18:10

A kettle 😂

kowari · 26/12/2020 18:10

I wouldn't want appliances replaced as I think it's wasteful, it would cause me stress as I would feel responsible for the one I need to get rid of. Trainers are different, it's normal to have more than one pair.

Frazzlefrazle · 26/12/2020 18:11

I think you are wrong here. Those presents are awful. It's not about he amount spent or how practical something is, it's about something personal and meaningful to show you care. You should apologise.

grisen · 26/12/2020 18:12

As much as he can WANT. Smart TV, is that the exact brand/size/make/model he wanted? A smart TV isn’t the same thing as a smart TV.
We spent nearly 3 years looking to upgrade to a smart TV before we found one we liked having bought a Polaroid one that was so bad we returned it within a week!
Also a kettle? Unless again it’s a make/model he wants it’s a pants gift.

I am very particular about the things I have in my house especially appliances - and I was always told that appliances and knifes aren’t gifts.