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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be even considering a baby?!

76 replies

Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:32

V quick synopsis. DH and I - for the first time ever - have been tonight talking about the possibility of another baby.

It’d be beset by issues from the get go as he’s had the snip and I’m T1 diabetic. My first two are 9 & 7.

But we are both keen and I’m wondering if anyone has had a successful pregnancy in these kind of circumstances?

OP posts:
FestiveStuffing · 25/12/2020 23:35

If he's had the snip you'd likely struggle even with a reversal and getting it reversed isn't a thing the NHS will do if you've already got kids, as far as I'm aware, so you'd have to privately fund it. Would that be practicable for you?

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:36

Yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:37

Oh and another possible inhibiting factor is I’m 39.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 25/12/2020 23:38

I have heard it isn't easy to reverse the snip and it's often unsuccessful. You need to look into it carefully and also consider your own health problems.

OrangeSlices998 · 25/12/2020 23:38

Being 39 and a T1 diabetic wont be an issue if your blood sugars have been stable pre conception, reversing the snip is probably your biggest issue if your diabetes is well managed

MsTSwift · 25/12/2020 23:39

Doesn’t sound like a smart plan no. Sorry.

FestiveStuffing · 25/12/2020 23:40

Well, according to the NHS, 'It's estimated that the success rate of a vasectomy reversal is: 75% if you have your vasectomy reversed within 3 years and up to 55% after 3 to 8 years.'

Are you within three years? And how does having type 1 diabetes affect a pregnancy? If it puts your life at additional risk I'd say it's unreasonable to consider it as your existing kids need their mum more than they need a sibling.

Even if it's not an extra risk to you, a friend of mine with adult kids always says that kids need your time more when they're teens than at any other point in terms of emotional and mental health so it's not a great time to have another baby.

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:41

My diabetes has always been under fantastic control.

It’s the snip I have no idea about...

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 25/12/2020 23:44

He must have been extremely certain at one stage that he didn’t want children seems odd to row back from that

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:45

The row back was with me 🤣 We had two in reasonably close proximity.

OP posts:
minipie · 25/12/2020 23:46

Do you think this might be “last chance” type broodiness? Your body wants another while you still can?

I have two a little younger than yours (5 and 8) and can’t think of anything I want less than another baby! All the ways life has become easier, the fun things we can do with them now... would hate to go back to naps and feeds and nappies and god the toddler years too.

As your DH had the snip he must have beeb sure he didn’t want more. What’s changed his mind?

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:47

It’s DH who has suggested it and I’m kind of thinking it is last chance saloon if I’m honest (even though I know many women have babies into their 40s).

OP posts:
Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:48

And up until the last few nights mini - same.

OP posts:
Littleyell · 25/12/2020 23:48

I wouldn’t do it at 39 OP.

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:49

Why Little?

OP posts:
evenBetter · 25/12/2020 23:51

Will he be quitting his job to raise the potential new human? If not, his opinion is worthless. What’s lacking in the two people you’ve already bred, that you want another one? (I don’t care about the answers, just basic things for you both to think about. Along with, obviously, their futures on a dying planet with food and water shortages and climate refugees)

nutmegofconsolation2 · 25/12/2020 23:52

You're being romantic. You'll think differently in the morning

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:54

🤣

OP posts:
Littleyell · 25/12/2020 23:54

Mainly because by the time your start the teen years you will be 52. I wouldn’t want a teen in my mid 50s personally. I would just be content with the DC I had already.

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 25/12/2020 23:56

They’re amazing. Absolutely amazing.

OP posts:
rorosemary · 26/12/2020 00:00

T1diabetic, pcos, overweight, thyroid tumor that needs removing, had a baby at 41 last month via ivf. I don't know about the snip (I was the one with fertility problems) but I had a relative easy pregnancy health-wise. My baby did need a glucose drip though after birth, even while my control was really stable (CGM).

I do think that big decisions like this should be thoroughly thought through before you decide. So take your time to see how you really feel.

Original poster
Evileyecherry · 26/12/2020 00:05

Roro! Congratulations! That is so lovely and I’m so chuffed for you. I hope things keep going well and yes... we’ll definitely think very deeply about this!

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 26/12/2020 00:46

Have the 2 that you have got his? If so then your mad. You have 2 kids, he had the snip for a reason. You have medical complication to add in. Big fat no from me

jessstan1 · 26/12/2020 00:48

As you have two who are now at a decent age, why?

Mumdiva99 · 26/12/2020 07:58

Have you thought of getting a pet instead? Wink

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