Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to spend all day crying as I am away from my children

87 replies

TrueFreshness · 25/12/2020 12:36

Have split up with husband and the children are with him this Christmas. I can't bear it. We did an early Christmas this year but it wasn't the same. He never bothered with Christmas before we split up. I know I will probably have them next year but how can I get through today and Boxing Day? I just want to cry and cry.

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 26/12/2020 17:06

Wait.. What?

Why is a troll thing to say to imply that you can't spend half of your life going forward crying for your children? You made choice, as I did, not to stay in an unhappy marriage, there is now a new way of living going forward. You have a choice about how you make the most of that.

Michaelbaubles · 26/12/2020 17:15

Not “half her life” - one day - CHRISTMAS DAY of all days! How you behave on one emotionally-charged day of the year is no indicator of your entire mental state, outlook on life or general resilience and it’s silly to imply that it is. It’s harder to be without your children on Christmas Day than most other days. That doesn’t mean OP is an incapable wreck all other times. Don’t be so ridiculous.

Wheresmykimchi · 26/12/2020 18:32

@Oopsiedaisyy

Wait.. What?

Why is a troll thing to say to imply that you can't spend half of your life going forward crying for your children? You made choice, as I did, not to stay in an unhappy marriage, there is now a new way of living going forward. You have a choice about how you make the most of that.

Half her life Confused
SuperCaliFragalistic · 26/12/2020 20:42

Whilst I think @Oopsiedaisyy was too blunt I kind of agree with the sentiment, you can't wallow in it too much, and I disagree that Christmas is some magical, wondrous day, never to be replicated. There are 364 other days in the year to make memories and treat your kids.

BUT.... my ex is a good dad, the kids love being there and I know it's right that they are with us both on special occasions even if historically I was the one making all the effort. I would never want them to wish they were with me or to miss me. If I don't hear from them it's because they are having a lovely time in their second home. I appreciate this isn't the general experience on this thread, but there is another way and sometimes it just takes a change in outlook to get closer to a positive frame of mind about these things. I'm sure your children are having a nice day.

Sorry if that's offended anyone.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/12/2020 20:48

Super...

I think you put that well. When mine go for Christmas or any occasion he creates controversy by giving them really different gifts. Like one would get a towel, one would get a car and one would get something massive. I don't at all like them having to cope with that but I do think it is more helpful for them, in the very long term, that they find out he is horrible.

Original poster
TrueFreshness · 27/12/2020 18:30

Wow that sounds totally crazy, Ohio! My ex is stingy to the point of ridiculousness so I can't see him ever buying one of the DCs a car 😆

Super, I think that is the difference, that your ex is a good dad but my ex isn't.

To the other PP - I don't spend half my life crying but the first Christmas apart from the DCs I did cry a lot.

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 27/12/2020 18:38

@opinionatedfreak

Chin up. Don't waste the day - go out for a walk etc.

i'm sure it is hard but it is just a day - and it might be worth reflecting that the bereavement board is full of people who won't ever get to spend christmas with their loved ones again.

Please don't try and make the op feel bad. Yes it's terrible that people are dealing with bereavement especially at the moment. But that in no way negates the sadness that the op is feeling. Op i have no suggestions that will make you feel better but hopefully next year you will have them all to yourself Flowers
Original poster
TrueFreshness · 27/12/2020 18:55

Thank you, Lazyarse (love the name btw!). I wasn't trying to compare myself to bereaved people and I apologise if it came out that way but I was very sad to be without my very young DCs for the first time. X

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 27/12/2020 19:26

@TrueFreshness

Thank you, Lazyarse (love the name btw!). I wasn't trying to compare myself to bereaved people and I apologise if it came out that way but I was very sad to be without my very young DCs for the first time. X
Don't apologise or justify. PP was the one in the wrong.
OhioOhioOhio · 27/12/2020 20:19

I have a stingy xh too. A toy car not a real one.

Original poster
TrueFreshness · 28/12/2020 00:12

Haha! I did think that buying a real car was a bit extreme. ConfusedGrin

OP posts:
R2G · 28/12/2020 01:13

The first is the hardest. You will be more prepared next time, an indulgent brekkie, a film, fresh pj's whatever you like xx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread