Petty I know, but...

[PettyButCantHelpIt]

NC
I can be highly strung, and sometimes clash with DH about ways of doing things. I admit that many of them are things that are not worth the sweat, but I can't help it sometimes. Now that DS and DD are older (14 and 16) they side with DH and I sometimes feel ganged up against. It's a horrible feeling. Even if I sometimes deserve it, I feel that DS and DD are being disrespectful.
I wanted to give a petty example, so petty, but it's made me feel really sad.
Getting ready to open Christmas presents this morning, I asked that they disposed of packaging as they went along. DH cut this off immediately, and when I tried to insist, DS and DH
DD 'joined in' in what feel like ganging up against my request and making me feel ridiculous.
Things is, none of them helped clear up the packaging afterwards, it was left to me, so I don't think I was unreasonable to request that they tidied up as they went along? Or was I?

Doesn't sound pretty to me. Sounds like you are being taken for granted.

Yanbu at all.

DH does a lot. Immediately after opening the presents he went to prepare breakfast for us all, so it's not like he's a lazy bastard. I just suspected that I'd be left to clear the mess so wanted to do it my own way.

infuriating - how about you didn't clean up the mess then and left it to them?

The problem here is that you then cleared up all the packaging. You need to stop picking up after them all.

So don't clear it. Just leave it. It won't set the house on fire, or stain the carpet. They are not unreasonable to do it their way but that doesn't mean you have to accommodate it.

Also, the only reason I clear as we go is because once or twice things have got lost in the paper. At their ages I'm guessing there wasn't masses of wrapping.

I have very low tolerance for mess like that, that's my problem, so I end up upset either way.

I think this is a petty one, it's Christmas morning, we just go with the flow and paper doesn't take that long to clean up. I'm sure you probably have .ode examples that aren't so petty but I wouldn't take this one personally.

HugeAckmansWife there was quite a lot, I made sure to make a special effort because everything's been so shitty for YP.

Northofsomewhere no I get that but as you suspect it's not an isolated incident. It's the them against me issue that upsets me the most.

We just tidy it up as soon as the last gift is opened

Can’t you wait ?

So if DH was off doing breakfast for everyone, you're right he wasn't being lazy, unless was it his wrapping paper too? What did the boys say when you called them back to tidy the mess?

Sorry not 'boys' as is dd as well!

You set yourself up to fail here if dh has form for going against you. Then by clearing up yourself you've given the message that you'll give in when 'ganged up on' and allowed yourself to feel justified in feeling undermined. Why are you deliberately making yourself miserable?

I've just reread you first post, I don't see how to disrespectful for your children to side with their dad. How would it be any different if they agreed with it. I understand how it could be frustrating if it happened all the time over every single disagreement but I think there's more reason to suggest that as almost adults that they share more opinions with their dad. They have after all reached an age where they're forming their own options outside of you both.
Next year I suggest you have a bin liner ready for the waste paper or don't wrap them using gift bags or sacks instead. If you do decide to use wrapping paper make sure everyone clears their own before moving off to do other stuff. There's clearly 2 issues here, your low tolerance to mess and untidiness and your feeling ganged up on/pushed out.

The thing with dealing with highly strung people is you either walk on egg shells to accommodate them or you go the other way and dismiss them to diminish their power over you.

How do you want them to deal with you? Maybe it’s time to sod the wrapping paper and just join in and enjoy your family. The thing is noone will remember the tidy house but they will remember your bad mood.

You need to chill out if this is what all your examples are like. Do you want them to be walking on eggshells around you for something that really doesn't matter?

I have a highly strung parent and all that happens is they create a scene over very very minor things and everyone ends up falling out - not pleasant!

It’s Christmas morning - does it really matter! If it bothers you that much just quickly dispose of it afterwards, I’m sure it would take less than five minutes!

When we were kids mum used to just put one of the Christmas sacks in the middle and we'd put paper in a we went (well i think in reality mum and dad did as we obsessed over the presents)

I wish I knew how to be chilled
But I sometimes feel others can afford to be chilled when someone else is doing all the background work

@PettyButCantHelpIt

I wish I knew how to be chilled But I sometimes feel others can afford to be chilled when someone else is doing all the background work

So what would happen if you didn't? The world won't end. He's gone off to make breakfast so it's not like you're doing everything. If you're honest with yourself you're finding stuff to focus on and making it soooo important when really picking up some paper as you go or at the end really doesn't make a difference.

You keep saying you can't help it, but the only way to learn how to help it is to try, even if it's uncomfortable at first. Every time you feel it starting, just think, does this really matter? What would happen if I just let it go? And let it go and see if the world ends

Life is much better when you don't sweat the small stuff.

Sparklfairy you're right

I agree. If you have a personality trait that negatively impacts on you, your family, the atmosphere in the home, you make an effort to work on it. When my kids o to their dad's I tidy the house.. I feel much more relaxed and in control when surfaces and floors are clear and I know where everything is, but my wonderfully creative and imaginative dd loves lego, playmobile, art etc and I can completely see why she doesn't want to put it all away every night when she's spent more time setting up than playing. So through the week, I let her leave it in situ. It bugs me a bit but a happy home is more important. You can learn this stuff.. And noone else is doing all the work in my house. It's just me.

Sparklfairy you're right

Yay! Merry Christmas OP! If you want to go full pelt you could take the bag of wrapping paper and empty it all over their heads for a laugh. No shits given. Once you release yourself you’ll get them back and all be on the same side

I have very low tolerance for mess like that, that's my problem, so I end up upset either way.

Which they no doubt know and are taking the piss. You do need to stop clearing up after them. So next time, if it's upsetting you, leave the room so you don't have to look at it.