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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Santa’s not coming, awful behaviour

102 replies

Ginfizz2 · 24/12/2020 21:48

My 7 yo has been progressively worse over the last year. Covid has not helped for obvious reasons. I’m a front line hcp and single parent. Childcare has been a nightmare (previously my elderly parents would help out) he’s just become more feral as time has gone on. I’m mentally drained from work, life being generally shit and my mental health being a bit shit.
His behaviour today has been awful. I’ve spent most of the day shouting at him not to do this/that etc. He’s constantly winding up his older sister who IMO needs to grow the f up (she’s 18 and just hate everyone/thing atm).
I’ve just thrown the Santa key away and told him Santa isn’t coming.
I honestly don’t think he deserves anything is anyone else struggling like this tonight. I’m just sat crying as I feel awful for making him upset but I’ve just had enough. I honestly wish I had childcare so I could go to work tomorrow

*for context we are in a flat but I did take him out this evening to go walk round the nice houses with fairy lights

OP posts:
TiersOnMyPillow · 24/12/2020 22:03

Not for tonight but for the future is there a holiday club near you? Ours is open 51 weeks of the year, you could get up to 80% of it paid for. That would give you some breathing space & occupy him.

I have been in your shoes Sad

Sway19 · 24/12/2020 22:04

Perhaps trying parenting in a way which doesn’t involve shouting at a poor 7 year old all day

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/12/2020 22:05

If it makes you feel better, my 19yo had a meltdown today.
I think many children and adults are being pushed to the breaking point by all this.
So, yes I’d say there are many of us struggling.

QueenofLouisiana · 24/12/2020 22:05

Well done OP on finding a way to work through this. Once he’s in bed, make sure you have time to have a glass of something/bar of chocolate/ long shower with nice shower gel. You’ve earned it.

yelyah22 · 24/12/2020 22:07

People shitting on the OP, I hope you're proud of yourself. This has been an exceptionally hard year, especially for HCPs, and it's Christmas - which is fraught anyway. Now throw a 7 year old and an 18 year old into the mix and imagine how bloody hard it must be.

Retiremental · 24/12/2020 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dipi79 · 24/12/2020 22:10

You can't treat a child like that, no matter how bad you are feeling. All behaviour is communication.

Sway19 · 24/12/2020 22:10

@Retiremental come again?

Freddiefox · 24/12/2020 22:11

Give yourself a break, and be kind to yourself, it’s been such a stressful time.

Give him his presents, it will only escalate the situation.

It will get better.

The 18 year old, really needs to grow up.

PatchworkElmer · 24/12/2020 22:12

He will almost certainly remember this for the rest of his life. Fix it, please.

PatchworkElmer · 24/12/2020 22:13

Sorry, missed your reply! Hope he’s settled now Flowers

Sway19 · 24/12/2020 22:14

@yelyah22

People shitting on the OP, I hope you're proud of yourself. This has been an exceptionally hard year, especially for HCPs, and it's Christmas - which is fraught anyway. Now throw a 7 year old and an 18 year old into the mix and imagine how bloody hard it must be.
@yelyah22 I know it’s been a hard year, believe me (I’m a nurse and mum to a toddler). Nothing gives someone the excuse to be shouting all day at a poor child
DontWalkPastTheCastle · 24/12/2020 22:15

Someone posts this every Christmas Eve, which tells you all you need to know about the behaviour of over-excited seven year olds.

Be the grown up, settle him down so he can get off to sleep. This time tomorrow it's all over and he can crash.

SimonJT · 24/12/2020 22:16

Its been a shit year, my son has had multiple meltdowns today and generally be a nightmare, he’ll be exactly the same tomorrow.

You yourself probably reacted in that way because you have had a stressful year. Don’t worry, its fine to have bad moments, it happens to all of us. He’ll be okay, you’ll be okay.

Retiremental · 24/12/2020 22:17

[quote Sway19]@Retiremental come again?[/quote]
Stop being such a sanctimonious twat. The OP is clearly struggling.

Original poster
Ginfizz2 · 24/12/2020 22:17

@Sway19 I would honestly love some suggestions on addressing my parenting. I have asked the school/GP for support as I am struggling with managing his behaviour
Believe me I am not proud of this at all
Open to any suggestions on strategies with managing challenging behaviour. I was thinking of an action/consequence chart, not sure if anyone has experience of these?

OP posts:
Sway19 · 24/12/2020 22:22

@Retiremental there’s nothing sanctimonious about disagreeing with a child being shouted at all day and being denied their Christmas presents. But then again, I’m not the kind of person to call a stranger a ‘test’ during a disagreement, so clearly we have very different standards Smile

Sway19 · 24/12/2020 22:22

*twat Confused

ChristmasPerfectionist · 24/12/2020 22:22

Come on OP. You can fix this. You can fix this and have a fresh start tomorrow.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 24/12/2020 22:24

Our 7 year old can be very tricky.
I felt myself going to same way as you this p.m, what helped me was
-Remember he is only 7 and you are the parent.
-They can’t manage their emotions at this age and it’s mega exciting but also they are apprehensive.
-any attention is good attention so if you can I ignore the negative behaviour (like saying silly stuff) and praise the tiniest good thing.
Have a nice glass of wine and remember it isn’t forever.
I don’t know you but I very much doubt it’s your parenting some kids just seem to be hard work.
Good luck for tomorrow, remember you can ignore the 18 year old negative behaviour too ;)

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2020 22:25

@Sway19

Perhaps trying parenting in a way which doesn’t involve shouting at a poor 7 year old all day
Helpful.

Not.

JohnMcClane · 24/12/2020 22:26

agree with @PlanDeRaccordement and @SimonJT

This year has been shit and stressful for all of us. Don't put some much pressure on yourself and your family. Focus on what Christmas is really about and have a good day tomorrow.

Next year will be better Flowers

Needhelpwithaquestion · 24/12/2020 22:30

Sorry but a 7 years old behaviour is principally down to you. Get stability with childcare and a proper routine for him.

Chill on tomorrow, open presents and watch films if need be.

katy1213 · 24/12/2020 22:32

I feel sorriest for the 18-year-old - I'd have hated to be lumbered with a feral seven-year-old brother at that age. Give her some space!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 24/12/2020 22:32

It’s been a rough year for us all, adults and children alike. My normally very sensible and mature 18 year old burst into tears tonight over something minor. I almost reacted by stomping off to bed. But we salvaged the evening, and I really hope you did too. Definitely give him his presents tomorrow!
Moving forward, I find the best way to good behaviour is having quality one on one time. I really believe it makes a difference. (Not saying it’s easy.) Get the 18 year old onside - adult to adult. And commit to stopping the shouting. You set the tone, and it will change the atmosphere. (Again, not easy, but it was something I committed to after my divorce, and it truly changed things for us.)