Am i over reacting to this message to DS

[Peanutbutterjelly10]

Me and ex have been split 4 years. DS is 4. He has my old phone with no 4g just WiFi which he can contact family members through WhatsApp. His dad sent him a voice not earlier about his dad " kicking a smelly cat over the fence"
I sent him a text saying can you please not say you're going to do that, our DS thought it was funny because you did and might think it's OK to kick cats.
He's saying I'm over reacting and I have no place to tell him what he can and can't joke about with our son. Apparently in taking it too seriously.
Far enough if it was an adult saying it to another because it would just (hopefully) be said as a joke. But our DS is 4 and impressionable. He's not to know it's suppose to be an actual joke is he?
Who's being unreasonable me or him?

Sorry for typos

Personally I’d say it’s a pick your battles conversation, and you don’t want a situation where you both start telling each other what you don’t like about each other’s parenting when it’s not a major issue. At least you can temper bits your side, like saying haha how silly, no one would kick a cat!

Some of the things I hear my ex say to my daughter makes me utterly despair, but I know he loves her and I have to accept he has different view points. I know some of the things I’ve taught her he’s definitely not keen on!

I say this with complete kindness but I think you might be over reacting. He's your ex--DH but still your son's Dad and so there are bound to be lots of little in-jokes between them as the years go on. That's a sign that you're doing a good job!

I have a DD the same age and if someone were to overhear some of our messages and chats then I'd probably be hauled through the coals That said if you're the one organising Christmas and he breezes in and out then it's completely natural that you'd be feeling the pressure. I certainly would. Merry Christmas x

I'm not sure your child should have unfiltered access to a messaging app?

It was a vile thing to say.

Why has a 4 year old got a phone? Surely any contact would be made through you?

@rattlemehearties the only contacts on the phone are my parents, Dsis, me, his dad and his dad's parents and sisters. He can't spell yet so it's voice notes. Which i listen to. So it's not unfiltered.

Maybe I just fill annoyed at ex because I just know he's not a nice person and his morals are rubbish. I would hate my DS to be anything like him

Anyone can send a WhatsApp message to his number though... Seems an odd way of handling things.

I'd personally take the phone of son and schedule phone calls from dad to so through your phone you don't need to answer son can no 4 year needs a phone sim or no sim.

It seems like madness to me to be communicating with a four year old on WhatsApp. It's very easy to misunderstand the tone when you text or to get the wrong end of the stick.

I don't think you should be monitoring what they say to one another when they are together. Obviously it's not a nice thing to say but you can't keep on top of every interaction they have. There is a long way to go yet.

Sorry, you lost me at your 4 year-old has mobile phone

No four year old needs a phone...wtf

A 4 year old with a phone. Now I've heard everything. If you don't want him getting iffy messages, don't give him a phone

I was more at the fact your 4 yr old has their own phone, than the kicking cat comment.
What grown adult wants to communicate privately with a four year old?

Unreasonable for giving a 4 year old a phone - ridiculous whatever way you try to justify it.

How is it unreasonable when the only people to speak to him are close family members. I really don't see the issue. No one can call the phone the contract has ended, its only WhatsApp which he very rarely uses

yabu for giving a four year old a phone

But it has caused an issue. That's why you are asking about it, because your four year old having a phone has caused an issue.

His dad sent him a voice not earlier about his dad " kicking a smelly cat over the fence"

The father has contacted the child on WhatsApp hasn't he? And that's the problem you are complaining about.

Get rid of the phone.
Why on earth would a 4year old need a phone?
Silly.

It clearly is unfiltered because your DS listened to the voice note which you didn't like.
Plus he is 4, that is the issue. He doesn't need a phone, he's a child and if he didn't have one, you wouldn't be dealing with this now.

Can you really not understand the issue here??

His dad could have (and would have) said the same thing in real time over the phone to the child fgs

I also think this is a pick your battles thing.

@JeffreyJefferson

yabu for giving a four year old a phone

Yep. This.

How does a 4 year old use what's app?! Can he read and write?

The 4 year old should not be using WhatsApp. Problem solved.