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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i over reacting to this message to DS

64 replies

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 24/12/2020 20:04

Me and ex have been split 4 years. DS is 4. He has my old phone with no 4g just WiFi which he can contact family members through WhatsApp. His dad sent him a voice not earlier about his dad " kicking a smelly cat over the fence"
I sent him a text saying can you please not say you're going to do that, our DS thought it was funny because you did and might think it's OK to kick cats.
He's saying I'm over reacting and I have no place to tell him what he can and can't joke about with our son. Apparently in taking it too seriously.
Far enough if it was an adult saying it to another because it would just (hopefully) be said as a joke. But our DS is 4 and impressionable. He's not to know it's suppose to be an actual joke is he?
Who's being unreasonable me or him?

OP posts:
whatwedontknow · 24/12/2020 21:54

A 4 year old with a phone ffs using WhatsApp?
How did he hear the message if it’s filtered?
Bonkers Confused

mrscampbellblackagain · 24/12/2020 21:54

He is 4 he does not need a phone and you would be advised to check the age requirements for whatsapp.

Lordy!

MichelleScarn · 24/12/2020 21:56

Your 4 yo has WhatsApp? In fact he has a phone?!!

MynephewR · 24/12/2020 21:57

You know the minimum age for whatsapp is 16 yeah? YABU and irresponsible for giving a 4yo a phone and access to WhatsApp!

Bluntness100 · 24/12/2020 21:58

It may be off topic but I’ve never actually heard of a four year old having a phone. What an unusual thing to do.

Audreyseyebrows · 24/12/2020 21:59

Yabu for giving him a phone at 4.

ItsIgginningtolookalotlikeXmas · 24/12/2020 22:01

Restrict contact by deleting the app. Your ds can play some age appropriate games on the phone. No need for communicating outside of you.

8MinutesToSunrise · 24/12/2020 22:04

My 3 year old can easily use WhatsApp on my phone and enjoys sending pictures/videos/voice notes/video calls to his dad/me, and grandparents and uncles, he does it on my phone. I don't pre-screen voice notes from family, we listen together. WhatsApp is not the problem. It's a platform.

I think the issue is sometimes other people will say things you don't agree with (I'm with you on that). I think the only way to handle it really is to make it obvious to your little one that it's a joke. "Oh funny daddy, what a silly thing to say". Can't control other people, only your own reactions. Tis a bit shit though.

jenniuol · 24/12/2020 22:06

Wow, I think I’m a very laid back parent but a four year old with a phone, whether it’s a contract or not is insane. If he very rarely uses it, why does he need it in the first place? Clearly it has caused a problem.

greenspacesoverthere · 24/12/2020 22:12

That child should not have access to a phone

If you insist on giving him a phone ....all messages should be screened before the child gets to see or hear them

If you did this, the child wouldn't have heard the cat message because you'd have deleted it

MorganKitten · 24/12/2020 22:13

Why does a 4 year old have a phone?

LH1987 · 24/12/2020 22:19

I don’t get what’s wrong with a four year old having a phone that literally only communicates to a few people? The OP is getting a lot of heat for this one and I think it’s unfair.

On the subject of what your ex said,it’s fairly bizarre but I would pick my battles if I were you!

GabsAlot · 24/12/2020 22:19

why cant they just ring you when they want to speak to him

he doesnt need his own phone

dementedma · 24/12/2020 22:20

Take the fucking phone off the child!

greenspacesoverthere · 24/12/2020 22:21

I don’t get what’s wrong with a four year old having a phone that literally only communicates to a few people? The OP is getting a lot of heat for this one and I think it’s unfair.

It's caused an issue

The OP has had to post about the issue

There is a problem

That's what's wrong Hmm

LH1987 · 24/12/2020 22:22

@greenspacesoverthere

I don’t get what’s wrong with a four year old having a phone that literally only communicates to a few people? The OP is getting a lot of heat for this one and I think it’s unfair.

It's caused an issue

The OP has had to post about the issue

There is a problem

That's what's wrong Hmm

No the dad caused an issue, he could have said that in a conversation at any time.
BoomBoomsCousin · 24/12/2020 22:24

Absolutely nothing wrong with how you’ve got the phone set up except you are concerned about your ex’s influence on your son and it gives him more opportunity to influence your son.

Personally I think this is a pick your battles thing. If he’s going to have that sort of contact with his dad then you can’t dictate what they say to that extent.

nimbuscloud · 24/12/2020 22:24

I don’t get what’s wrong with a four year old having a phone that literally only communicates to a few people?

Did you read the op’s first post? The little boy’s own father sent a stupid message on WhatsApp. The op didn’t manage to filter it before her 4 year old heard it. That’s what’s wrong.

RogueV · 24/12/2020 22:24

Way too young to have a phone

innercitysumo · 24/12/2020 22:25

4 year old on WhatsApp - the world has gone mad

nimbuscloud · 24/12/2020 22:26

No the dad caused an issue, he could have said that in a conversation at any time.

He could have. But there is a huge difference between face to face actual conversation and a WhatsApp message.

LH1987 · 24/12/2020 22:27

@nimbuscloud

I don’t get what’s wrong with a four year old having a phone that literally only communicates to a few people?

Did you read the op’s first post? The little boy’s own father sent a stupid message on WhatsApp. The op didn’t manage to filter it before her 4 year old heard it. That’s what’s wrong.

I hardly think the medium of communication is the issue so much as what the dad said.
user1493494961 · 24/12/2020 22:27

I echo other posters. It's ridiculous to give a 4 year old a phone. Stupid messages from his Dad will be the least of your worries in a few years time.

LH1987 · 24/12/2020 22:28

@nimbuscloud

No the dad caused an issue, he could have said that in a conversation at any time.

He could have. But there is a huge difference between face to face actual conversation and a WhatsApp message.

Why?
nimbuscloud · 24/12/2020 22:31

I hardly think the medium of communication is the issue

It is the issue.
If the child was looking at his dad’s face when he was talking about kicking the smelly cat then he might have seen his dad laughing or otherwise indicating that he was joking.