To be devastated that I’ve gained weight?

[foothurtlikehell]

Think NN is an old one - can’t get it to change !

I started this year off weighing about 22/23 stone following a nervous breakdown .

I’ve very slowly lost weight with strict calorie and counting and gentle exercise, got down to 20 stone, and then hit a bit of a bump in the road in September . I had a horrendous hospital appointment that brought back upsetting memories of previous trauma, and found myself having one panic attack after another .

GP wasn’t interested in why I was having the panic attacks but prescribed me propanolol and increased up my mirtazapine tablet that I take at bedtime.

Since then, I’ve gained about 3-6lb . My size 26 jeans are getting tighter again, and I’m devastated . I desperately want to be slim, I’ve always been grossly fat (since about age 6) and I’m slipping into old habits of comfort and binge eating . I’m skipping meals, and then cramming in chocolate and crap ‘because it’s Christmas’ .

I suspect it’s mainly the medication causing the weight gain but I’m so angry with myself.

It doesn’t help that I’m spending CHristmas with my grandmother - who will find a thousand ways of calling me fat, she refers to me as the ‘elephant in the room’ and openly laughs at me .

What can/should I do ? Cut the antidepressants back down is maybe the first thing !

Don't cut the antidepressants. I completely understand your upset, I have been fat all my life too.

Do you have to spend Christmas with your grandmother?

Give yourself a break. Weight loss is not linear, there are many bumps in the road. You've lost weight and you can continue to do so.
Firstly speak to your doc to discuss medication. If they are not sympathetic ask for a different one.
Accept that Christmas is probably not going to be a good time to get back on track 100%. I would eat what you want but track the calories, take photos, whatever as long as you are accountable. You may gain but you'll be in control of it.
Do you really have to spend xmas with nasty grandma? If so you need a strategy to deal with her comments. Smiling sweetly and saying "thankyou" or similar will again help you feel in control. Or the old classic "did you mean to be so rude?"
Good luck

Yep, she’ll be alone otherwise - have promised family will go round and keep her company . I’ve got my own bedroom at her house thankfully so can retreat into there, but have found myself doing stupid things like hiding chocolates in my suitcase as I know she won’t allow any, which seems ludicrous and not healthy .

Don’t stop the medication. You need to concentrate on one thing at a time, trying to lose weight when your struggling mentally is virtually impossible (speaking from experience). If I were you I’d aim to not put ON any weight from this point rather than worry about losing it just yet.

When you feel ready I can highly recommend looking into intermittent fasting, and in particular the book Delay Don’t Deny.

It’s so hard at Christmas and I think you should be kind to yourself- it certainly doesn’t sound like your grandma is being.
Maybe set yourself some limits for the next few days, eg. Don’t start on the Christmas food till teatime on Christmas Eve, or choose wine OR chocolate, not both. Whatever works for you to allow yourself a little indulgence without going overboard.
And try and increase your activity if you can, whether that’s going for a walk or hoovering the house from top to bottom - it’s all burning calories.
3-6lb isn’t that much in the big scheme of things. When you get your head back on in the new year, it’ll be gone in a fortnight

This sounds really difficult. Can you take some strength from the fact that you can do it, since you did it before? It’s such a stressful time at Christmas as well, I always gain and end up dieting in Jan.

I understand that it’s difficult, but I would reconsider whether you want to see your grandma. If she is openly mean to people, then it’s her own fault if she’s alone at Christmas.

Don’t stop the medication. Your own post talks about bingeing and ‘cramming in chocolate and crap’. So you know what’s causing the Weight gain and it’s not the medication. Give yourself a break, it is a bit of a setback but Xmas is one day and as long as you get started again doing what was working it will continue to work. Chin up and maybe meal plan the next week out as that sometimes helps to make you feel a bit more in control

Well done for getting started.

I've lost six stone and have kept it off for a year now, but trust me when I say it takes time!

The only way I ever lost weight was by prioritising myself - I had to get hugely in tune with my mental and physical wellness. That includes knowing when to pause, when to priotise other things.

Your end goal shouldn't be a dress size or a weight, but a state where you can effortlessly maintain your weight without thought because the healthy habits of mind and body are set in stone. There's no shortcut - it takes time.

P.S. To any poster who hasn't lost this sort of weight, trust me, your advice is worse than useless unless you've actually experienced this.

OP, not meaning to sound unkind but at your size there’s a decent chance you can lose 3-6lb in the first week of proper dieting so it isn’t exactly a devastating weight gain. I’ve gained 3lb from the extra treats this month and I’m only a size 10, I know I can shift that in a week or two when I need to!

Plus most people are putting weight on. It’s Christmas.

It’s fixable when you’re ready to fix it but no point in beating yourself up about it right now. You have to be in the right frame of mind and if you aren’t then that’s fine, just get back on it when you are.

And stopping the anti depressants is likely to be counter intuitive so I wouldn’t do that. If you’re binging on chocolate after skipping meals then that’s more likely to be the cause. To lose fat effectively you need a well rounded diet with plenty of protein and fibre and you won’t get that from chocolate.

I’d have a look at Team RH on Facebook if you want to get your head around the mechanics of weight loss, they also deal with binging. But in the short term I think trying to get your mental health in order should be your priority.

Speak to your GP about the mirtazipine - it’s a bigger for weight gain. I imagine trying to lose whilst on it is tricky for many. Don’t stop suddenly though go for a medication review and look at options.

You grab sounds horrid. Do you want to see her? If I was going to go I would be pre armed ‘I have always found these jokes unkind. Stop being cruel.’ ‘Yes I am struggling with my weight gain and it’s difficult for me. A shame you struggle with empathy.’

You have done well so far, you can slowly shift the weight. Think of where you were and are - that’s a job well done and the most gain and loss is a little bit up and down especially when times are hard. Be kind to yourself and celebrate your success.

I was also going to recommend intermittent fasting because I have found it relatively easy and have been slowly losing weight - as I plan to do it for the rest of my life that's ok.

I've also been having psychotherapy to address how I treat myself which is possibility more to the point.

Don't do anything except find ways to make yourself feel nice for now though. And yes, find ways to be direct with your GM when she is cruel. "You are being cruel" might do it. Or if that's too hard 'thank you' as pp suggested.

A bugger for weight gain I meant .

2-3 stone weight loss is brilliant! Especially during this shit-show of a year. Ok, you've put a tiny bit back on but it's still a net loss.

Could you be open with Gran and just say, 'Look, I'm having a really tough time of it, I'm not putting up with any snide remarks this year, first dig I hear I'm leaving.'

Your grandma is a complete bitch. How far away is she, can you develop a cough later today, and/or limit your visit to a couple of hours rather than an overnight?

You’re having a tough time at the moment and spending time with her is going to make you feel like crap. Not because of you but because she’s mean and horrible.

Would you feel better if you could find a way to avoid having to see her?

@titsaleena

When you feel ready I can highly recommend looking into intermittent fasting, and in particular the book Delay Don’t Deny.

PP I know you mean well, and I don’t have anything against intermittent fasting, but it’s not recommended for anyone who has an eating disorder.

OP don't stop the antidepressants. That isn't going to help.

You've done SO well to lose as much as you have. No the journey isn't over, but you are starting a long way from your initial starting point.

You know in your head that 3-6lbs isn't bad. Don't cave. Don't think oh fuck it well now I've put that on I may as well not bother. Its not even half a stone. You can get back on track. Maybe don't be as strict over Christmas, but still set yourself a calorie goal, not as low as before, but just so you are able to keep track. You may not lose, but hopefully you wont' gain either. Then after Christmas, set it back to what it was before. The way you were doing is is RIGHT. Slow and steady. Nothing faddy. If it worked, then do it again.

I'd say lose the grandmother, but thats not a practical answer.

Can you tell her 'When you say that stuff to me, it really hurts, and it doesn't help. I don't know if you're trying to shame me into losing weight, but it just makes things worse. Encouragement would work better'.
Or you could try to shame her back. 'Grandma does it make you feel better by being cruel and unkind about my weight? Because that doesn't make you a nice person does it? It makes me feel awful and worthless. '

Please reconsider staying with your grandmother. I know that in itself won't suddenly make you lose weight, but someone chipping away at your confidence is psychologically damaging. She sounds like a bully. You've said yourself about escaping to your room, about hiding chocolates because because she won't 'allow' any. What a dreadful way to spend Christmas. I don't see why her spending Christmas in human company trumps your right to feel valued and be treated with respect.

I hope you manage to get back on track.

Op this is a tiny weight gain and don’t stop the anti depressants. Do take the chocolate out your suit case, you know these aren’t going to help.

Your grand mother sounds awful, you need to put a stop to her comments, something like “I want you to stop making cruel comments related to my weight, if you don’t I will leave and not come back”

Mirtazipine is known for weight gain. But don’t swap it, discuss it with your GP to change to something else.

Have you ever considered weight loss surgery? I’m having it done in 12 days. Happy for you to PM me, but there’s also an active thread on here with many people who have had it done. I’m a similar clothes size to you, so please don’t think I’m suggesting surgery lightly, I’ve been through every diet going, therapy for binge eating disorder and a lifetimes worth of misery at my body, and how unfit I am.

*don’t stop it.

So sorry to hear OP.

Addictive behaviour around food is so bloody hard to manage.

Don’t give yourself a tough time over Christmas, and don’t go about reducing anti-D for now. The first thing to know is that eating to manage your emotions is you trying to take care of yourself - so don’t beat yourself up about it.

In the NY get in contact with your GP and ask to be put on a list for counselling for your Eating Disorder and anxiety. They should not be handing out medication without offering or checking that you are also working to change your thinking.

NHS will be a super long waiting list so go private if you can - there might be local low cost options. BEAT and overeaters anonymous also offer free support.

With proper support and some hard work you will be able to manage things long term.

I was on mitrazepine for sleep - it made me ravenous. Agree speak to your gp about switching to another drug. You need to wean off of it.

Please don't drop the antidepressants, OP.

Your grandmother has the unpleasant (and frankly, rude) habit of drawing attention to something you're conscious of, I bet she is the sort of person who always finds something to criticise about everyone.

If you cut anything, cut your visit short if she's insufferable.