To be devastated that I’ve gained weight?

[foothurtlikehell]

Think NN is an old one - can’t get it to change !

I started this year off weighing about 22/23 stone following a nervous breakdown .

I’ve very slowly lost weight with strict calorie and counting and gentle exercise, got down to 20 stone, and then hit a bit of a bump in the road in September . I had a horrendous hospital appointment that brought back upsetting memories of previous trauma, and found myself having one panic attack after another .

GP wasn’t interested in why I was having the panic attacks but prescribed me propanolol and increased up my mirtazapine tablet that I take at bedtime.

Since then, I’ve gained about 3-6lb . My size 26 jeans are getting tighter again, and I’m devastated . I desperately want to be slim, I’ve always been grossly fat (since about age 6) and I’m slipping into old habits of comfort and binge eating . I’m skipping meals, and then cramming in chocolate and crap ‘because it’s Christmas’ .

I suspect it’s mainly the medication causing the weight gain but I’m so angry with myself.

It doesn’t help that I’m spending CHristmas with my grandmother - who will find a thousand ways of calling me fat, she refers to me as the ‘elephant in the room’ and openly laughs at me .

What can/should I do ? Cut the antidepressants back down is maybe the first thing !

Sorry you’re having such a hard time. It’s hardly any weight on! Keep going. You’ve done so well. It’s a small setback.

Try to minimise time at your grandmother’s. She sounds horrible. (Mine was similar and I know how much it hurts.) Surely you’re only allowed to visit for one day, anyway?

I really empathise - I've lost a few stone this year but after a missed miscarriage in September I put on a bit of weight again and it was really tough. I gave myself a really hard time over it. But I actually found it much easier to start losing weight again when I stopped beating myself up.

You don't deserve to spend your Christmas Day being humiliated by your grandmother over your weight (or anything else for that matter). I know it's really hard but could you talk to her about it and tell her how it makes you feel?

Like a previous poster I've found that counselling has really helped me find out why I look for comfort in food. However, I appreciate not everyone is the same as me and it might not be the right approach for you.

OP - ADs definitely cause weight gain. Don't listen to GPs who say they are not listed ion the side effects (which is what I was told when I asked if gaining half a stone in a month was a side effect after being the same weight all my adult life. )

They make you very dozy so you don't feel like moving much - not just avoiding exercise but avoiding bending down to empty the dishwasher or walk to the shop if you run out of milk. And they make you crave carbs really severely - non stop message to have a biscuit/chocolate/ slice of toast.

Christmas is really not the time to sort it out. There's stress and rich food and we all want to hibernate at this time of year anyway.

Maybe make a plan between Christmas and New Year to start gentle exercise again. There are loads of free online workouts for people with several stone to lose. And focus on eating good stuff rather than not eating bad stuff - so focus on 3 fruit 5 veg each day and 2 l of water, then in New Year cut out all sugar and refined flour as these are the biggest triggers for bingeing especially on ADs.

Don't waste energy judging yourself, Just focus on looking after yourself, mentally, emtionally and physically. The rest will follow.

You can look at it as losing around 3 stone and gaining around 6lb Or you can look at it as currently losing a total of around 2 stone 8. Weight loss is hard and weight tends to fluctuate for many reasons anyway, for example I’m always a few pounds heavier around my period. Be kind to yourself! And don’t stop the meds.

You would never give a stranger such a hard time as you are giving yourself I bet.
Can you get another family member to check on grandma? If not could you pop in, say hi and then go home? You’re allowed to put yourself first!
Also being fat isn’t an actual crime you know. You’ve not hurt anyone by being bigger, you’re not nasty or stupid or wrong in any way. This mythology around being fat all your life gives it such a huge presence but it doesn’t make you who you are. Society may have tricked us all into fat phobia but it’s objectively bullshit isn’t it? It’s not wrong to be fat! You have done nothing wrong. Being unhappy about food choices will e made worse by diets and giving yourself a hard time and by bloody grandma.

No tips for weightloss (currently trying myself and it's a slooooow process), but don't visit your grandmother if she is going to be nasty towards you. She reaps what she sows. Leave her.

If you lost about three stone and have put back a few pounds then you are still well ahead. Congratulations on your achievement so far, be proud of yourself .

Put the jeans away for a bit, they aren’t helping. Throw out the chocolate and make sure you pile your plate with protein and vegetables.

Don’t stop taking any medication until you have discussed it with your doctor. New year, new beginnings. Your grandmother sounds like a spiteful old bat. I would start telling her so,

Head on one side , concerned smile “oh granny, what a sharp tongue you have, be careful you don’t cut yourself.”

You really don't have to go and spend Christmas with someone who is mean to you op. You just don't.

Christmas is a really hard time of year when you're trying to eat healthily and I'm struggling with it myself. I've lost a couple of stone since September but have put a few pounds back on this week. I've decided not to stress about it. I'm going to have some treats and then crack back on with the healthy eating from 27th. You can do the same.

I wouldn’t be spending Christmas with someone who called me an elephant that’s for sure.

Don’t be disheartened - just keep going.

It sounds as if you would benefit enormously from therapy focused on your eating patterns. It could also help tackle anxiety and panic attacks.
Actual dieting is only part of the picture of addressing the issues around long term over-eating.

Could you be open with Gran and just say, 'Look, I'm having a really tough time of it, I'm not putting up with any snide remarks this year, first dig I hear I'm leaving.'

Agree with this, and make sure you mean it. Take the power to hurt you away from her. Remember, you're going there on Christmas Day because you're a kind person and don't want her to be all alone. She owes you a little kindness in return.

@titsaleena

When you feel ready I can highly recommend looking into intermittent fasting, and in particular the book Delay Don’t Deny.

This. In spades. Alternate day fasting or OMAD (one meal a day) will help you with the whole discipline around food too.

Read or watch on Youtube anything by Daniel Pompa, Eric Berg, Jason Fung, Gary Taubes.

I agree that ADs can cause weight gain (though they affect different people differently). Your mental health is first priority, but there are alternatives, like changing to a different drug, trying counselling, or changes within your life. If you think cutting down is best, that decision is for you to make.

Your grandmother sounds like a bitch. It might be too hard to put your foot down this time, but in the New Year, think about boundaries and cutting down contact with people who behave like that. She doesn't deserve you.

Trauma is awful, it's so deeply-ingrained and long lasting. I obviously don't know the details, but if you like to read, here are some books I found really helpful:

CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. About childhood trauma. He has free extracts on his website here. www.pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html

Mindsight, by Daniel Siegel - not specifically trauma-focussed, but talks a lot about neuroplasticity, how you can rewire your brain.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk - I found this quite an upsetting read, but it does have very detailed science behind trauma responses.

Also this trauma-focussed community sometimes has some helpful things on it. www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/

Your grandmother sounds like a piece of work! Please don't internalise her horrible attitudes, you sound so down on yourself and judgemental.

Don't stop your medication, do start valuing yourself and learning to love yourself and your body. My mental health life saver is exercise, especially outside. Couch to 5k may seem impossible where you are now, but you can start with walking faster for one minute, then slower. It gives you structure and a feeling of achievement, which may bolster your self worth and stop you punishing yourself with unhealthy food.

Personally, I would avoid toxic granny at all costs, but if you have to go, keep your visit short and do something for yourself afterwards that has nothing to do with food - a gentle walk, listening to your favourite music or a great pod cast, for example.Then give yourself a big pat on the back.

I felt so sad for you reading this post, OP. You weight loss this year has been fantastic. You should be really proud of yourself. You changed some of your habits, lifestyle etc - and it worked. And you managed to keep it going during this insane year of all years.

This is just a blip. You’ve had a setback, that’s all. Try to relax and enjoy Christmas...but have proper food, don’t starve and binge.

I’m so sorry your grandma says such hurtful things to you. You don’t deserve it, especially when you’re seeing her to be kind and give her company.

Keep taking your medication for now. You can always review it with your doctor in future if you feel like the side effects are too much. And maybe start afresh with your lifestyle changes after Christmas? You know you can do it - you’ve been doing it! - so gave confidence in yourself .

Keep your bag packed. If she starts with her snide comments, then just pick up your bag and walk out.

Be kind to yourself, OP, while I totally understand the anxiety of wanting to be slim, Christmas is not the time for it. Reconsider staying with your grandmother. Old and alone doesn't mean she can't be a cunt and doesn't give her a right to treat you like shit. Took me ages to stop feeling sorry for my own old arsehole of a relative - she's alone now too because no one can bear being around her for more than a few hours at a time and that's her fault, not mine. Similarly to yours, she's very critical of other women and weight is her favourite topic. She used to put jam at the top of the fridge when I was 6, call me in the kitchen and say "See that? I put it there so you can't reach it and get fat." Some people are just nasty and they don't improve as they get older.

Gran can fock herself. I wouldn't go. If she is going to be offensive don't go.
Don't stop meds and maybe increase your activity like going up the stairs a few times o some walking.
We all medicate ourselves with something and for you is food. Others alcohol.
Granny upset you? You are going to eat those chocolates. Solves nothing.
Keep up the good work.

Don't be so hard on yourself op - you've lost a lot of weight and what you have gained is not massive in the grand scheme of things. You are doing so well - hang on in there. I agree with those recommending Intermittent fasting and ditching Christmas with your grandma - you do not need that.

I agree with thinking again about staying with your grandma. Or the first time she says anything about your weight say one more comment like that and Im leaving or warn her in advance. You haven't gained that much. Try to stay level over Christmas and don't binge. That's what I'm going to do.

Stop and breathe before you make a plan.
Please do not do any diets or fasting, I suggest making a plan of home cooked meals and treats. I’ve lost a third of my body weight through having a set plan of meals but with treats factored in too, without that I would have quit easily. I had a smaller lunch than normal but kept the rest the same. Once I adapted to that I reduced the size of my evening meal to a healthy size.
I also walked for 30mins a day using the couch to 5k app, on the runs I walked fast and the walks I walked slow to recover.

mirtazapine is a devil for weight gain but please do not stop as it is working for you. Awful that some are cruel to you about it. You've had some good advice on support for eating. Your appetite may stay big on the meds but support could help you change what you eat. Be kind to yourself please, in previous times the ability to gain and keep weight was a survival advantage. Not your fault it doesn't work in your current environment. Quick clip for you about being kind to yourself in this context

As a grandmother, I'm horrified that yours would say something so awful to you. And I know how difficult it is to lose weight. I also believe that you need a break from dieting from time to time, and Christmas should be one of those times. What I want to say is, just go home, so what if she's by herself? But I don't think you will do that. You lost the weight before, you can do it again. Enjoy your chocolates, tell yourself you're taking about a week off, and restart on January 2nd. Don't make it the first of January, because that still feels like the Christmas holiday. Good luck. If you don't already go to a slimming club, consider it. I was sent to WW by the doctor, and it worked.

Hey, keep a sense of of proportion! Huge weight loss, very modest gain. You're doing brilliantly, you're winning.

I'm betting that during covid you're staying home more, going out less; so that very small gain may be nothing to do with your medical prescriptions, just the covid lifestyle. Keep taking your medication, keep going with the diet, and keep telling your self "I know I can do this because I've already proved it.".
By this time next year your weight will be in the teens and those jeans that are tight today will be falling down.

Another thing to consider is that the extra weight may simply be increasing muscle growth you've added in thanks to the exercise. One of the reasons you shouldn't just use your gross weight to measure progress is that you may have lost a lb of fat, but put on 2 lbs of muscle, so dont be hard on yourself and keep going, as its definitely healthier.

@Student133

Another thing to consider is that the extra weight may simply be increasing muscle growth you've added in thanks to the exercise. One of the reasons you shouldn't just use your gross weight to measure progress is that you may have lost a lb of fat, but put on 2 lbs of muscle, so dont be hard on yourself and keep going, as its definitely healthier.

She said her jeans are getting tighter though.