... to ask you to tell me a dirty/flithy story

[AWordsWorth]

I'm totally totally bored. Myself, DH and DD are isolating at home. DD has a minor cough and temp. Initial covid test negative, waiting on a 2nd test and result, resigned to thinking it will be positive :(

Here is mine:

Last year for her birthday my DSis had a chocolate cheesecake. She had saved one slice. During the cleanup afterwards I ate it! I was feeling peckish, it looked so nice, and it freed up some space in the fridge. I know it was wrong, but it felt so right.

Harry the Dirty Dog was always my favourite children's book.

Huh?

My idea of a dirty story is very, very different to yours OP.

@SantasYumnuts

My idea of a dirty story is very, very different to yours OP.

Glad it's not just me!

I was going to suggest heading to Literotica!

OP I'm not sure "dirty" means what you think it means...!

You were very unreasonable.

Haha OP, you clearly have no idea what a ‘dirty story’ actually means!

You ate the cheesecake?? Don't you mean that you smeared it all over your body and got your partner to lick it off?

I thought we were getting some naughty stories!!

Well this is disappointing

This one time, at band camp, I did something very different with a chocolate cheesecake.

OP, you need to go to i.literotica.com/ for some real dirty stories.

Did you eat it naked?

@Whatwouldscullydo

Well this is disappointing

My thoughts exactly!

Is....English your first language?

Yes! Yes, to 'Harry The Dirty Dog' - wow! Nostalgia! I remember it so well.

And 'Bottersnikes & Gumbles' - the Bottersnikes lived in squalor on an old rubbish tip, didn't wash as they shrank if they did, and ate the stuffing out of old mattresses. About as filthy as you can get

I shit myself the first time I got drunk when I was 16 at a house party. Was vomiting over toilet and came out other end.

Is this a piss take ? 😂

@AWordsWorth, yes I'd second checking out literotica for passing the time, rather than the filth from MN posters. Some great stories there, it will pass the time for you, and you might be surprised :)

My hall floor needs a good scrub

@50shadesoflunacy, how dirty is the hall floor? How did it get like that? Tell me more please

Oh wow I'd never heard of literotica website

I might find that useful in the coming week, but being so bored I'm already done for today IYSWIM

I once changed my bed sheets and when shaking them out to make taking the covers off easier a silicon dildo flung itself right at my eye. I’d forgotten it was in there.

I gave up lying about how I got the welt under my eye and was just honest. No one believed me.

As if 2020 hadn’t been disappointing enough......

Mine involves poo. Is that classed as dirty?
I was downstairs with my Ds. My exh was on the loo. He was always in there for ages and this was before mobile phones!
There was a knock at the front door. It was some chap from the Severn Trent water. He told me they had just cleared a huge blockage from the main sewer drain. He asked me if I could flush some loo roll down the loo so he could see that our sewage pipes were running clear. No problem I said. Off he went to watch the drain. I shouted up the stairs to exh to do this. He shouted back that he had just had a massive shit so he couldn't. I told him, the guy is waiting so you need to flush the loo. He did! Luckily I never had to face the chap from Severn Trent again. I'd love to have seen his face though, expecting some tissue to float by but not expecting the huge turd to accompanying it.

A friend got very very drunk.
It was cold and she had jeans and a long coat on.
We stuff her in a taxi to go home, 5 miles.
We did pay up front as we wanted to make sure he took her to her front door.
She called us after 5 mins saying there was a funny smelly, all her journey home she complained about how the smell was sickening.
She got home ok, then screamed, she had pooed in her pants.
She never got that drunk again.