Friend claiming to be key worker

[lockdownrules]

So my friend and her husband work but aren't key workers. Here in Scotland after Christmas nurseries and schools closed unless key workers.
She says she's been told she can still send child to nursery so the nursery is lying for her and claiming she's a key worker to get place. It's a council nursery.
AIBU to be annoyed my child can't get a place. My husband is a key worker but I'm not but wfh full time with a toddler and my nursery say no place! Obviously I'm just jealous but it's so unfair some can play the system like this

Key workers has a wide definition. I am deemed a key worker because of the support I provide to people who work in a front line role (won't say which but if you knew you would agree their role is a key worker).

However, I am able to work from home and therefore would never dream of the behaviour the OP refers to.

@Woeismypants

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You are envious of people with autistic children? You really need to educate yourself before spouting such poisonous misinformation.

There is no such thing as mild autism and that would be considered offensive to the majority of the autistic community.

They have not come on leaps and bounds, the networker provisions were often more childcare and didn’t even follow the online work set so they are further behind than before.

Yes all families struggled cooped up at home but SEND children were given places for very good reason, often to prevent severe mental health crisis. It was for the child’s benefit not so the parents could palm them off.

Your post is ignorant, very ignorant.

@SueEllenMishke the main person making the definition never has to worry about childcare, indeed does not even acknowledge all his children. Mr Johnson.

Don't blame the Scottish leaders for the key worker definition.

Technically you don’t need the space either as you work from home (I understand how hard it is to do so with small children).

I’ve faced kinda similar judgment back in the summer. My two have additional needs and ehcps so technically could have gone school from the start but I kept them off until June when the schools opened a bit more.

Another mum shamed me as I don’t work (partner has worked all the way through 2020) and my children were in school and she didn’t get a space (technically Dd was reception so could go back anyway). But DS who’s older got a place!

I'm a key worker - I'm "admin"

My brother's a key worker - finance

The categories are very broad. Dh is at home so we didn't have to use a hub, but db's youngest went to school during the last lockdown because SIL is a key worker as well (the older ones didn't need direct supervision and stayed at home).

EDUCATION IS NOT CHILD CARE
FFS

[quote nosswith]@SueEllenMishke the main person making the definition never has to worry about childcare, indeed does not even acknowledge all his children. Mr Johnson.

Don't blame the Scottish leaders for the key worker definition.[/quote]
I wasn't blaming the Scottish leaders for anything.
I agree with regards Boris ... that's what I meant.

@Woeismypants

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The child with autism will always have autism? Your child might struggle being locked away now, as are many many others but they haven’t got a DISABILITY have they??

Think before you spout ignorant tripe!!

@Happylittlethoughts

EDUCATION IS NOT CHILD CARE FFS

I was waiting for this comment..... it look longer than I thought.

We have a society which is structured in the premise that children attend school between certain ages. This allows us to have two working parents in a family. This is a financial requirement for many, many families.
If you want us to stop seeing school as partly childcare then we need to look at the whole structure of society because as it stands it the vast majority of people need two incomes just to survive.
However, before you start shouting about school not being childcare think about which group will be affected the most - women.
It will be women who stop working, do we want to undo all the progress women have made in the labour market? I know I don't.

I don’t blame her. Maybe the alternative is to stay at home and lose her job. I would have thought banking was pretty key. If all the money institutions were not still in operation we’d all be in trouble.

I would focus my concentration and strength on myself if I were you.

The judgement on here is shocking. Whilst some will always abuse the system no matter what they provide, it was designed to ensure the majority who need childcare to provide an essential service have it available to them.

In the area I work (front line NHS), the majority of those I work with (healthcare professionals in central London) earn the lower salary in the family. If rules were that both parents needed to be key workers for childcare, the majority with children under 7 would have taken unpaid leave so their high earning (usually non-key worker) partner could continue and they pay the mortgage and bills. As you can probably imagine, the gaps that would be left by this together with isolation for symptoms is unmanageable so they implemented the rule for just one parent to be key worker to qualify. The reality is that NHS salaries (unless at the top) are not enough to live on.

As far as WFH goes, there are countless essential jobs that cannot be undertaken with children present. They often involve speaking to individuals about topics of a sensitive nature and giving undivided attention. If children are older then it is possible to find a way to keep them occupied but it is simply not possible with young children. PP who works with victims of domestic abuse is a classic example. The assumption that one parent being at home = no need for childcare needs to stop

I have absolutely no doubt that parents in roles that have been classified as non-essential (and are still important to society) who have WFH for many months whilst also caring for young children will have really struggled. It is extremely unfair to see some who don't need it abusing the system but it was created for a good reason

As someone else pointed out, it only appears to be those on MN who know countless others abusing the system!

@Woeismypants god your post is arseholey! How dare you make judgment when you have no idea what it’s really like. I very much doubt the autistic children in school during lockdown made heaps of progress.

My own son sat in a paddling pool flapping his hands and ate shit loads of ice lollies every day he attended.

He deffo didn’t make heaps of progress, he’s had 1-1 support (sometimes 2-1) for years now and he’s still about 4 years academically behind the other children of the same age.

Jealous because your child didn’t get a school place? You can have my sons place if you want it, but with that you take all of my sons life long problems.

Let us know when you want to swap!

@Woeismypants your comments are uneducated, ableist and disgusting.

My brother has what you would call “mild autism” ie you probably couldn’t tell if you weren’t told. I don’t believe in mild autism, it’s just your understanding.

He is 11 and hits my Mum during melt downs, he’s 5’4 so very big and it’s too much to handle. He’s pulled knives out, trashed the house and just doesn’t really understand any kind of social
concepts. He needs medication to sleep, is extremely hypersensitive to things such as touch and sensations and therefore has toileting issues due to this. School kept his place open during the first lockdown and she opted to send him in twice a week for some stability and normality. If she didn’t have that and also some respite I don’t know where she’d be.

As for what she does in the school holidays: she plans them with careful provision, time tables every day on the walls and gets him prepared for the disruption way in advance. She could not possibly turn around and be like “we might do this tomorrow” as he would go into a meltdown. She couldn’t turn around and cancel or rearrange a plan. Having a child with autism is so emotionally and physically draining on its own without having to listen to people like you adding their two cents when you clearly don’t have a clue.

@Happylittlethoughts

EDUCATION IS NOT CHILD CARE FFS

I don’t understand the anger here... education kind of is childcare if you take a job knowing that in term-time your primary aged children are in school and therefore you can work (plus whatever arrangements you need to make for wrap around and holiday care).

I don’t imagine there has been a recent scenario (apart from possibly war, and in this country I understand school continued to some extent hence all the women in the munitions factories) where that education provision is withdrawn for months on end.

And where therefore, according to your reasoning, are all the daytime childcare options for school age children? there is none because under normal circs they are in school and there’s no demand.

I fully agree that people shouldn’t be lying their way to a key worker space but there are loads of jobs you can’t do from home and a lot of parents (especially women) stressing about how to pay the bills, avoid redundancy and ensure their kids get some form of education.

You say she’s a friend but that she told you to annoy you? She’s not a friend.

It’s the autistic children coming on in ‘leaps and bounds’ comment that I can’t get passed oh and the ‘palming them off’

Do me one thing, go on the SN section of this forum. Read the comments, usually from frazzled parents at the very ends of their tether, some are forced to put their children into care as they have no other option, I’ve replied to several parents on those posts in that position over the years on here.

Having to phone social services to take their autistic child away for good because they cannot do it a minute longer. Imagine that? Imagine being in that situation that you can’t see any other option but to give your child up.

Disgraceful. @Woeismypants

You should genuinely thank every single star up there that you don’t have that in your life.

@Happylittlethoughts

EDUCATION IS NOT CHILD CARE FFS

The whole purpose behind allowing the children of key workers to attend nursery and schools is precisely because it is childcare!!!

Thanks for the many reports about the disablism on this thread. We've deleted the post, the ones that quote it in full, and have closed the account of that user.

I am a SAHM. I was a nurse but had to give up my job and will lose my registration in September. I have 2 children with SN.

DD1 goes to special school. The school was completely shut from March to June. In July, she went back 2 days per week for 4 weeks. Now, I have to drive her 10 miles to school each morning and pick her up, because County needed parents to take up transport so they could socially distance the children whose parents couldn't take them. I spend 3 hours per day driving.

DD2 has ASD. She was at home from March until September. The school seem to have agreed to her going to school in January, because she gets so panicked by online learning that she quivers and feels like she will vomit. It arises from her social anxiety.

So no, I won't feel guilty that she takes a key worker place (DH is a key worker at 4 local schools) while I'm at home. DD3 will happily stay home and do the online live lessons.

I work in education so will be expected to work from the 7th of Jan, DH is not a key worker. During the 1st lockdown we chose not to send DS who has ‘mild’ autism. This time he will be going into school. His ‘mild’ autism meant, that for him, homeschooling was a distressing battle and resulted in him pulling eyelashes and hair out and regressing socially so badly that he has only now begun to recover. I don’t give a flying fuck if some people think we are ‘palming him off’ for an easy life. His autism seems mild because we work so hard to teach him the skills he needs to function in what can be a confusing and hostile world to him. I don’t usually post much but that mild autism comment has enraged me-if you don’t have any experience in a subject then keep your ill informed preconceptions to yourself!

Dh works for a bank and yes they are classified as key workers, even those who can wfh. Have been since the outset.

I had to provide evidence that I was a key worker - this came in the form of a letter from my employer.

For childcare purposes though they are not key workers who have to work “out” of the home which is one of the needed elements to be eligible for key worker childcare provision.

There are thousands of key workers who are still key workers but can work from, the childcare is for parents who couldn’t actually perform their job at home like a cleaner at a hospital or a school for example.

@Ginkypig no it is not and never has been. People need to stop perpetuating this myth. Whether working at home or going to work, keyworkers' children are eligible for childcare. I mainly travel to work but have run some clinics from home where possible in the pandemic - I absolutely cannot have patient consultations with my 2 year old running around in the background. I cannot focus on the person in front of me or make an informed diagnosis and for that reason he can go to childcare regardless of me working in the hospital or at home

@LIZS

Dh works for a bank and yes they are classified as key workers, even those who can wfh. Have been since the outset.

Morally dubious though I would say