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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My parents are angry with me because I didn’t ‘think’ about presents

89 replies

crapmumalertttttttt · 22/12/2020 20:33

Had a budget for Christmas this year, and decided on the same amount for everyone, bar my son.

Have younger siblings (12, 16, 22). I’m the oldest. I spent the same amount on them all, but the second oldest has three more (small gifts than the others) because I got hers from a website that had 85% off.

I got my other siblings exactly what they wanted and what I knew they’d love.

Tonight I received texts asking how many presents I had bought, and when I said my older sister had three more, they got angry with me and now aren’t talking to me, and said I hadn’t thought about my siblings at all.

Due to it being so close to Christmas I’m feeling pretty upset because I did think about them, and Christmas surely shouldn’t be all about presents?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is odd behaviour?

OP posts:

MitziK · 22/12/2020 20:35

There's always somebody moaning - could be 'you spent more on one than another', 'you bought more presents for one than another' or, my particular favourite, where I had managed to get exactly the same number of presents for exactly the same cost 'one has a larger present than the other'.

Ignore them. They're being twats.

Clymene · 22/12/2020 20:36

They're being ridiculous (and very rude). I assume they have form?

Worriedandabitscared · 22/12/2020 20:36

Families are so exhausting aren't they? I'd just give the siblings the presents and leave it at that, if your parents want to be petty then let them.

KindergartenKop · 22/12/2020 20:36

Are the ages typos? Are they 12 months, 6 and 2?

Original poster

crapmumalertttttttt · 22/12/2020 20:36

No, 12, 16 and 22.

OP posts:

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/12/2020 20:37

Why does this have anything to do with your parents?

AIMD · 22/12/2020 20:37

They’re your siblings...not your kids. I get that parents might want to give an even amount of presents to their kids but others shouldn’t have to.

Also they are of an age to understand amount of gifts might vary. It’s not like they’re Young.

Your parents are totally unreasonable.
Do they act like this often?

ComDummings · 22/12/2020 20:38

I couldn’t be bothered with that, I’d give your siblings their presents this year then not bother next year and just stick a tenner in their cards.

nosswith · 22/12/2020 20:38

Given their ages, very strange to moan.

FizzyPink · 22/12/2020 20:38

That is unbelievably rude! One of my sisters has three huge presents whereas the others only have one small one but I actually spent less on her, she just asked for cheaper presents!

LagneyandCasey · 22/12/2020 20:40

How pathetic they are. They're not toddlers, they can understand that different amounts of presents can be the of same value.

I'd be tempted to be pathetic back at them and wrap up individual quality street so they all have the same amount.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 22/12/2020 20:40

I didnt gently 3 younger siblings anything so I think they are being very unreasonable. As the eldest I usually buy lovely things and and get tat back so we decided not to bother. My youngest sibling is in her 20s though.

trying22432 · 22/12/2020 20:41

Definitely rude. Gifts are not important. We had a few years when we couldn't buy Xmas presents for everyone in the family so we bought only for the kids. It is what it is and I'm not going to get a loan out so to buy presents...

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 22/12/2020 20:41

So many typos! Sorry. I did not get my 3 *

Original poster

crapmumalertttttttt · 22/12/2020 20:42

I love the quality street idea.

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 22/12/2020 20:43

I can’t understand why anyone would think the number of presents matters at all, especially with people that age. They all understand that things cost different amounts. Your parents are bonkers.

nanbread · 22/12/2020 20:46

It's very odd. And very twattish.

Just to be clear, your parents aren't talking to you, because you bought presents for your siblings... That's on a whole new level of WTF

Even if you'd bought one of them a PS5 and the other a Mars bar, that's still not grounds to stop speaking to you.

Let me guess, you're the black sheep of the family?

Saz12 · 22/12/2020 20:52

They don’t realise that one siblings gifts were 85% discount in the sale, so it maybe looks like one has had way more spent on her than others.
that’s her good luck, not their misfortune.

They need to learn some manners, and ditch the expectations!

billy1966 · 22/12/2020 20:55

Very rude.

Ignore it.

AliceMcK · 22/12/2020 21:01

Wtf seriously, it’s entirely up to you what you buy people, why are they asking about numbers? Ok, if your all spending Christmas together as a family and the done thing is to exchange presents, I’d expect 1 presents each, any more is a bonus.

Girlzroolz · 22/12/2020 21:01

What on earth business is it of your parents?

I think it’s time you looked into how to set healthy boundaries. You could get to a point by next Christmas that you’d stopped getting texts about this sort of stuff (because you’d firmly communicated to your parents more generally that you were an adult, and they need to get their noses out).

Or if they refuse to change their ways, you could do the inner work you need to not get upset by them. I’d have replied (to text 1) that ‘Santa never tells what’s in the sack’ with a winky emoji, then not given it another thought. If they keep asking you either: resend the first text endlessly, or ring them and briefly remind them they you aren’t 12yo. Your money, your sibling relationships, your business. Full stop.

If this idiocy is also coming from your siblings, by all means get them identical chocs from now on. Tell them it was your parents’ idea, to prevent bad feelings and arguments over presents. Frankly, I’d start making different Christmas plans than hang with this lot.

TatianaBis · 22/12/2020 21:02

I always give offspring, nieces and nephews and siblings presents of the same value respectively. The children among them always get the same number of presents too. It requires organisation but it saves a lot of arguing.

Tbh if something was massively discounted I’d take the full price value.

jessstan1 · 22/12/2020 21:03

I think your parents are being very immature, frankly; I'm sure you explained you spent exactly the same on everyone so what is the problem? Mums and dads do not usually carry on like that - unless they are teenagers which yours are clearly not.

I'd love your mum to be on here and read this.

One solution would be for your mum to unwrap the two 'extra' presents, put them to one side and give to your sibling later, explaining how they came about but that they didn't want her to appear to have more at the time.

However what a kerfuffel about nothing and what kind of an example are your parents setting to your siblings!

thisplaceisweird · 22/12/2020 21:06

I've never even thought about number of presents I just try and match budgets when it's a similar group of people your buying for e.g. family members.

Perhaps covid stress/anxiety is getting to them a bit.

As long as you spent a similar amount I can't fathom why there's an issue.

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/12/2020 21:07

Send them the receipts (without any comment) and leave them to it.

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