My parents are angry with me because I didn’t ‘think’ about presents

[crapmumalertttttttt]

Had a budget for Christmas this year, and decided on the same amount for everyone, bar my son.

Have younger siblings (12, 16, 22). I’m the oldest. I spent the same amount on them all, but the second oldest has three more (small gifts than the others) because I got hers from a website that had 85% off.

I got my other siblings exactly what they wanted and what I knew they’d love.

Tonight I received texts asking how many presents I had bought, and when I said my older sister had three more, they got angry with me and now aren’t talking to me, and said I hadn’t thought about my siblings at all.

Due to it being so close to Christmas I’m feeling pretty upset because I did think about them, and Christmas surely shouldn’t be all about presents?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is odd behaviour?

@melisande99

It's not their business, BUT...

If you want to give "equal value" presents, you should judge it by the apparent value to the recipients, not how much you actually spent and what discounts you got. The fact that you happened to get 85% off your oldest sister's presents doesn't make them equal to your other siblings' presents. They won't (or shouldn't) even know what you spent - and if you told them, they'd probably ask why you didn't get them something from the "85% off shop" too.

Honestly, when I get a present in the sale, I don't spend the saved amount on another present for that person, else it distorts expectations and comparisons.

I wonder if this is actually the issue. I agree and was coming on to also make this point.

I can’t even imagine actual adults behaving like this, but OK...

Since my only frame of reference for this sort of behaviour is pre-schoolers, it’s my opinion that they’re attention seeking. And as such, your best approach is to take the wind out of their sails by giving them zero attention.

When you pander to this sort of childish behaviour, you encourage more of it.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I would tell your parents to grow the fuck up. You’ve bought your siblings things they will like. Tell them if they want more presents for their children, to fucking buy them themselves.

I hope they’ve put some thought into your presents after this pointless drama.

At the ages your siblings are at, it’s weird that your parents are so involved in what you have bought them.

Are your parents always like this?

I second the gift bag idea, or wrap all of the presents up as one instead of individually.

Are you seeing them on the day? Or not, now they’re not talking to you.

Your parents are being ridiculous. Tbh I think maybe it's a good idea that they aren't talking to you - I certainly wouldn't be talking to my parents if they behaved like this.

Can you not just tell them it all cost the same amount??

This is ridiculous!!

My 4 children, since being old enough to buy their own for each other have done different things with different siblings depending on individual agreements/cash flow etc - it has never occurred to me that this should be my business at all - in fact I often don’t know what exactly is bought. They’re all happy with it anyway, and if they weren’t then it’s still between them and not for me to interfere. Just ignore this OP - you don’t have to justify yourself, or your presents as an adult to other adults.

@ComDummings

I couldn’t be bothered with that, I’d give your siblings their presents this year then not bother next year and just stick a tenner in their cards.

Don't punish the siblings, they've been punished enough with batshit parents

@melisande99

It's not their business, BUT...

If you want to give "equal value" presents, you should judge it by the apparent value to the recipients, not how much you actually spent and what discounts you got. The fact that you happened to get 85% off your oldest sister's presents doesn't make them equal to your other siblings' presents. They won't (or shouldn't) even know what you spent - and if you told them, they'd probably ask why you didn't get them something from the "85% off shop" too.

Honestly, when I get a present in the sale, I don't spend the saved amount on another present for that person, else it distorts expectations and comparisons.

This. They don't know that you got some of the presents at a hefty discount, so it will look unfair.

It's a bit odd to 'spend to a budget' like this. Fair enough thinking 'I'll spend about £50 per sibling' but if you then find something that's normally £50 for £40, or use a discount code, then you should regard that as a personal saving, rather than thinking 'I need to spend another £10 on X'.

It needs to look like you've spent about the same amount on each of them. But honestly, now they're all an age where money will be preferable, just put the money in a card and buy them something small like a box of chocolates. Far less stress and scope for fallings out and wasted spending on the wrong things.

"Honestly, when I get a present in the sale, I don't spend the saved amount on another present for that person, else it distorts expectations and comparisons."

Phew!

Was thinking that it was just me!

Who is angry with you op? Have t
You said you’ve spent the same on each sibling ?

Do your siblings know or are they oblivious to your parents bonkersness?

I'm always amazed by family dynamics seen on this site, everyone seems to have an opinion. When I was getting presents for my grandchildren I bought one as advised by my daughter then she mentioned something for the other granddaughter which happened to be about £8 cheaper and I was wondering what else to get to bridge that gap. I was told not to bother, if the child made any comment her present would be going back to Santa Amazon!