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AIBU?

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Original poster

My parents are angry with me because I didn’t ‘think’ about presents

89 replies

crapmumalertttttttt · 22/12/2020 20:33

Had a budget for Christmas this year, and decided on the same amount for everyone, bar my son.

Have younger siblings (12, 16, 22). I’m the oldest. I spent the same amount on them all, but the second oldest has three more (small gifts than the others) because I got hers from a website that had 85% off.

I got my other siblings exactly what they wanted and what I knew they’d love.

Tonight I received texts asking how many presents I had bought, and when I said my older sister had three more, they got angry with me and now aren’t talking to me, and said I hadn’t thought about my siblings at all.

Due to it being so close to Christmas I’m feeling pretty upset because I did think about them, and Christmas surely shouldn’t be all about presents?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is odd behaviour?

OP posts:
amusedbush · 22/12/2020 21:10

This year I'm quite aware of the fact that my dad has several presents to open on Christmas Day and my mum only has three but I spent the same on them and it's all stuff they'll love. If my mum phoned me up to whinge that dad got more than her I'd laugh.

Your parents are being unbelievably rude and childish. Did you explain that you'd bought them what they asked for, and therefore you DID put thought into the gifts? I wouldn't accept this injustice!

noirchatsdeux · 22/12/2020 21:12

If anyone asks why I heartily dislike my FIL, I give them this example (one of many): He once didn't talk to his older brother for a year because his brother spent £10 less than he did on their respective Christmas presents to each other.

Seriously.

Tell your parents to mind their own sodding business.

diddl · 22/12/2020 21:15

I do think that your parents are being ridiculous.

I do wonder about the need to spend the same amount?

DeRigueurMortis · 22/12/2020 21:21

You've spent the same amount, the number of gifts isn't relevant.

Tbh I like the quality Street idea but I'd be tempted to wrap up every chocolate in the box and give your parents 36 "presents" plus a copy of the Harry Potter book where Dudley kicks off because he got 28 presents this birthday and last year got 29....with that section bookmarked...

RobinRedford · 22/12/2020 21:25

Did you explain that you spent exactly the same amount on each of them?
Surely most parents would realise that Smaller cheaper items equal more presents.

CatVsChristmasTree · 22/12/2020 21:28

I haven't even given my own DCs the same number of presents! YANBU, they are.

Chinainmyhandsoitis · 22/12/2020 21:30

Just reply with a 'Merry Christmas!'.

An0n0n0n · 22/12/2020 21:32

Tell then to fuck off out of your relationship with your siblings.

melisande99 · 22/12/2020 21:35

It's not their business, BUT...

If you want to give "equal value" presents, you should judge it by the apparent value to the recipients, not how much you actually spent and what discounts you got. The fact that you happened to get 85% off your oldest sister's presents doesn't make them equal to your other siblings' presents. They won't (or shouldn't) even know what you spent - and if you told them, they'd probably ask why you didn't get them something from the "85% off shop" too.

Honestly, when I get a present in the sale, I don't spend the saved amount on another present for that person, else it distorts expectations and comparisons.

MumsGoneToIceland · 22/12/2020 21:37

I agree in general that if some have cheaper items, it’s right they get more so that the same value is spent on them and therefore your parents would be being being unreasonable. However if one person’s happens to be in the sale and therefore the real value of the gift is actually more than spent, then I would have personally split the saving across all 3 siblings so that the ‘real’ value of the gifts are on a par with each other. Either way, it’s crass to complain and spoils the real meaning of Christmas.

BackforGood · 22/12/2020 21:43

Tonight I received texts asking how many presents I had bought,

^ This is the weird part Hmm

When my dc were little (say 3,6, and 8), I did used to try to make sure they had the same number of parcels to open. At that age, you don't tend to have any sense of 'value' of the cost of what has been bought, and it was important that no-one felt they'd only had one present when someone else had 6 or whatever BUT, once they got to be about 11 or 12, they understood that if they had X, that they wanted, it would mean they would only really get one present, not the 6 their sibling might have, as X cost 6x more than each of their sibling's presents.
So melisande99 is right in terms of what is perceived by the recipients. If you want to appear to be fair to your siblings, you give gifts that would be expected to cost roughly the same amount, regardless if you happened across a bargain.
However that is between you and siblings anyway, nothing to do with your parents, who can't dictate what you do, or do not give your siblings.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 22/12/2020 21:45

My elder ds has less presents than his brother as he wAnted/ needed leas . I will spend same as will give older ds cash ( as he wanted xbox x and had save hia own money for most of it , but been unable to get it and top up) but he is 17 and he will know budget is roughly same and not even think about the fact that he has less presents

Canklesforankles · 22/12/2020 21:46

Blimey. They are out of order. You are an adult. So is one of your siblings. The other two are not young either.

Up to you what you spend. I have similar aged kids . They have a different number of presents and I don’t think I’ve spent the same either. They’ll all be happy and know they get what they need when they need it.

happytoday73 · 22/12/2020 21:50

"I spent an equal amount on each sibling.... That is fair. I chose things that each of them will hopefully love.
Merry Christmas"

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 22/12/2020 21:51

Its not like they are little kids
My mil once did this to ds when he was 7 ish and she used to insist they opened presents before xmas and in front of her and had other gc round , she bought my ds a couple presents , yes one of them was £30 but the other grandchildren had about 50 presents each varying from £15 each to probably a pound and I did feel sorry for ds as he was 7 and had to watch them all open , he was ok as he did understand money but at the same time not stupid to realise that 50 presents equal more than £30
I did feel like she should of given them to them on seperate occasions or gone to pound shop and bought him pens/ pencils/ sweets etc to at least make it look like he had a few more as she liked them to open one present each at a time so he sat there for ages watching the others

2Rebecca · 22/12/2020 21:53

I would probably have ignored the email asking how many presents I'd bought or said I couldn't remember. They are being rude and weird. I don't think spending exactly the same is important unless it's like one get a game console and the other one a Beano annual. They haven't accepted you are now an adult

warmandtoasty2day · 22/12/2020 21:59

they sound slightly loopy tbh. my fil was abit like this before he started going senile and was arguing the toss over the smallest of things.

ohwhatamiserableyear · 22/12/2020 22:02

Your parents are ridiculous and out of order. It's none of their business; your relationship with your siblings has nothing to do with them at this point.

bellie710 · 22/12/2020 22:05

Why did she want to know how many presents you had bought?

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2020 22:15

@melisande99

It's not their business, BUT...

If you want to give "equal value" presents, you should judge it by the apparent value to the recipients, not how much you actually spent and what discounts you got. The fact that you happened to get 85% off your oldest sister's presents doesn't make them equal to your other siblings' presents. They won't (or shouldn't) even know what you spent - and if you told them, they'd probably ask why you didn't get them something from the "85% off shop" too.

Honestly, when I get a present in the sale, I don't spend the saved amount on another present for that person, else it distorts expectations and comparisons.

^^This
PandaBearCub · 22/12/2020 22:15

That’s awful. My parents and siblings never expect anything. Would they prefer you wrapped up 3 bars of chocolate instead of 1 thoughtful gift just so your adult and almost teen siblings have more gifts to open? They’re your siblings, not your children. Your parents sound like spoilt 5 year olds having a tantrum.

Smallgoon · 22/12/2020 22:30

Your parents need to get a life. Seriously.

LindaEllen · 22/12/2020 22:49

@KindergartenKop

Are the ages typos? Are they 12 months, 6 and 2?
Why would those ages be typos? What a bizarre question.
partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 22:51

It’s totally bonkers.

Are your parents normally like this - or is it maybe COVID mania?

MariaTia · 22/12/2020 22:53

I feel sad for you that they treat you like this. They should be delighted that you've been so thoughtful as to get gifts for everyone and leave it at that. Rude of them.