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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be uncomfortable with kids being on screens all day?

65 replies

Bagamoyo1 · 22/12/2020 14:50

2 DSs, age 15 and 11.

Both football mad, so during term time, Covid permitting, their weekends are busy with training and matches half the time, so I don’t mind them playing Xbox the rest of the time.

Now it’s the holidays and they’re both just vegging in front of their screens. I know there’s not much else they can do, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just not healthy! It’s probably an age thing - I’m in my 50s and screens just weren’t a thing in my childhood.

They’ll go to the park maybe every couple of days, but the rest of the time they say the park is boring without a team to play with.

Should I stop stressing about it and accept that this is the way things are now? In normal times we’d be going on day trips but obviously that can’t happen now.

Neither of them are remotely crafty or artistic, and they don’t like reading.

Is this normal? Am I being too stressy?

OP posts:

VestaTilley · 22/12/2020 14:58

I don’t have kids that age, but it seems relatively normal nowadays.

But, that doesn’t mean it’s good or healthy. If you insist on a daily walk would they come with you? Or a daily kick about at the park? Maybe limit screens and Xbox to a couple of hours a day. Allow films or something instead, but constant gaming and iPhones seems a shame when there’s so much else to do!

Would they bake or cook with you? Plant spring bulbs in the garden if you have one? Buy the fresh Christmas food shop with you or hand deliver cards to neighbours? I wouldn’t just give in on this one.

InTheLongGrass · 22/12/2020 15:01

Aged about 7 DS2 suggested a screen free half term. I balked a bit, and suggested screen free during school hours. Its stuck. Probably 2 years down the line now, and they stay screen free 9-3. Yes, exceptions occur - films and the like, but we have put paid to individuals staring at different screens without interacting for the middle of the day.

cologne4711 · 22/12/2020 15:15

Not unreasonable at all OP but the cat is out of the bag.

I would advise all parents to hold out against playstations, xboxes etc for as long as possible. My ds got one at 14. A friend said her son got bored and sold his at 16. No such luck here, ds still plays on it every waking moment he's not eating, doing college work or sport. I suppose I am at least thankful he still does sport.

Laiste · 22/12/2020 15:26

Just 3 minutes ago i looked at DD (6) rolling about on the sofa while watching i pad (upside down/legs up the wall/hanging off the edge ect) and realised she's been on it for ages and is bored with it but cannot put it down.

''RIGHT that's it! I pad off no more screens no electric anything at all for at least one whole hour and no pestering me your dad your nan your sisters the cats or anything else. Play with your TOYS!!''

She's now upstairs playing with her toys. For how long? We'll see ...

newyorkbreakfast · 22/12/2020 15:36

I feel like you do, OP. I think their moods are better when they don't go on screens. It's difficult though when you haven't got outside space and Tier 4 people aren't allowed to go anywhere. Normally we'd organise some kind of family outing which would take up a good chunk of the day.
Could they write up a list of non- screen activities to do in the day and tick them off - baking, cooking, playing cards, board games? Mine are out playing on the street but will come in when it's dark at 4pm. Then they will want screens until dinner. I might suggest an evening stroll to look at the very exciting neighbourhood Christmas lights!

Nowaynothappening · 22/12/2020 15:36

I’ve let my DC play on screens all day for two days now. We had an active outdoorsy weekend and I’ve said no screens on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so we can have quality family time. The weather is rubbish and there isn’t very much to do because, you know, covid. It’s been a crazy year and they worked so hard during lockdown, they’ve been super resilient and just wonderful so I’m not going to sweat this. They deserve a break.

Laiste · 22/12/2020 16:06

She's still upstairs playing ... :)

Planet42 · 22/12/2020 16:11

Mine are a similar age and I’ve a similar attitude to you in that I think it’s unhealthy.
They’ve got into a rhythm where before gaming they need to do homework, chores, exercise and reading. Then I just let them get on with it.
We do have dinner together then often watch a film together or chill out after dinner.

MrsDThomas · 22/12/2020 16:13

My kids do it. Im not bothered tbh. Its winter, football is cancelled so they don’t train (apart from one who has to). At least I know where they are. There are kids roaming the local town and the parents don't give a shit its lockdown.

NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 16:15

I'm reading with interest as mine are younger, (Eldest is 9) so still in the stage where I can tell them when they can or can't use their screens. Eldest in particular would play xbox all day if he could but once I've chucked him off is very happy to play and read books etc.

Rollingpiglet · 22/12/2020 16:15

It's not ideal, but somewhat inevitable at the moment I think. I drag mine out for a walk or some other form of exercise at some point every day, but other than that he is on a screen most of the time.

Littleyell · 22/12/2020 16:15

What would they do instead though? If it was summer and normal times I could understand. It isn’t though.

formerbabe · 22/12/2020 16:15

I stress about this too op. Makes me anxious.

Orangeblossom77777 · 22/12/2020 16:16

Mine are the same age OP and the same. I'm not that keen either but the eldest has been doing GCSE revision on his most of the day and it seems to be mainly screen based - I tried to suggest some paper based revision from the guide but he was used to the screen based type..

it is a horrible day here today- we do usually go out most days though even if just for a walk.

NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 16:16

It's a bit depressing that people ask 'what would they do instead of screens'. I get it's normal nowadays to be constantly on a screen but people did used to be able to entertain themselves in their homes without screens in the past. Reading books, playing music, chatting to friends on the phone etc.

QuantumJump · 22/12/2020 16:18

Mine are the same OP - same ages and usually busy with homework and sport at weekends so it doesn't bother me, but at the moment it's a bit too much. I'm going to suggest a family board game in a minute so we'll see how that goes!

ScatteredMama82 · 22/12/2020 16:20

My 2 would spend all day on screens if allowed but they aren't. They have an hour or so in the morning, then I kick them off and they do lego, drawing, reading or out in the garden having a kick-about if it's not raining. I get the older one doing chores too (mowing lawn, raking leaves, emptying dishwasher, putting laundry out/away). There are lots of things they can be doing. I notice my eldest in particular, his mood and his sleep really suffer if he is on screens too much.

ReallySpicyCurry · 22/12/2020 16:22

My DD, aged 13,has had more screens than I'm happy with recently. I'm quite strict over them usually, she was brilliant in the first lockdown, but I'm at a dead end here. She can't see any of her friends, she loves drawing and reading but our local library is shut (new books for Christmas though!) and it's cold and shit outside and school closed early, just before they got to do the class film days and Secret Santa.

We went on a big walk today, she's played with her sister, she's run to the shop for me and helped around the house, so I try to count the good non screen based things she's done rather than total up the screen time. She's now upstairs on her phone - it's pretty much the only way she can talk to her friends atm and to be fair she mostly talks to them, watches TED talks, and documentaries about the Egyptians.

I feel sorry for her. I have tried all through her childhood to limit screens and provide other options, but we're facing another 6 week lockdown including remote learning, and it's got to the point where we're just scraping the barrel here - she's starting to get lonely and anxious, frankly,and I'm not going to row with her about it right now. It's shit though, maybe I'm just a crap mum, but I don't know what else I'm meant to do- like I say, I've had 13 years of success in strictly limiting screen time so I know all the tips, tricks and alternatives, but right now there's not much else for the poor little sod to fucking do, so I'm letting her have her TED talks

GreyMary23 · 22/12/2020 16:23

My 9 year old is obsessed with his iPad and games on there. If he's not playing them he will be watching videos of other kids playing them on YouTube. It stresses me out too op. But I reason that this isn't a normal year, there's not a lot to do. Usually in the holidays we would go visiting people, go swimming, cinema, cafe lunches but we can't do any of that this year. We do park, dog walks, crafts, films but ultimately there are too many hours in the day to keep him off something he enjoys and wants to to. He plays games with friends online so I kid myself that it's a social activity. And once when I remarked on how long he spends on his iPad he said 'it's only the same as you always looking at your phone.'

Touché.

whatkatydid2013 · 22/12/2020 16:26

Ours are really young so it’s easier but we are working on forming a habit of playing board games together in the evenings after school. So far in the holidays we’ve been to a couple of national trust places, cooked/baked together, played ticket to ride, monopoly, uno, bingo and risk (mainly the junior versions), built Lego models and jigsaws & read stories. We have also watched a lot of Disney & Christmas movies though. I’m sure it will get harder to persuade them to do most of that in 5-10 years time. I wouldn’t worry overly. This year has been so so strange all round

Seriouslymole · 22/12/2020 16:27

YANBU and I have no answers. We try and limit it here. 2 hours max on phones and then some TV - that seems excessive already when I put it like that. Currently my youngest is writing a letter to the government asking them to send schools back in January (!) and my eldest is helping clear out the basement but it is not easy in the slightest. We did have a whole day out yesterday and eldest left his phone at home (youngest doesn't have one) through choice, it was lovely. But I realise now that not everyone has the option for days out.

It.is.shit.

calamityjam · 22/12/2020 16:27

I'm in a tier 3 area. It's freezing and raining most days. There are numerous parks and fields and woods here, but it's muddy and cold and I don't expect my 13 year old ds to leave the house. I realise that at the moment. Xbox is his social life. He plays guitar and he actually went out on his bike for an hour earlier, but I'm very relaxed when it comes to gaming. I have 2 adult sons who are very well rounded and hard working lads who grew up attached to game consoles. If I were you lot I would chill. There is a lot worse going on right now

3orangekissesfromkazan · 22/12/2020 16:28

My kids (9 and 7) spend way too much time on their iPads too, and whilst I am plagued by guilt, it's the holidays and it's what they want to do. When I was 10 I used to spend whole days taping music off the radio and pretending to be a dj. My DD likes to pretend to be a YouTuber..tech has just changed.

I try and make sure they get out at least once a day for a walk to the playground/park, but honestly if I banned the iPads they'd just squabble and fight..my MH can't take it right now.

Worth also saying in normal times they do sport/swimming etc. There's only so many times you can tromp around a muddy, cold park.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 22/12/2020 16:28

Totally agree OP but my dd interacts with people more on screens during lockdown as they facetime whilst playing. But l do limit her time on there as l would rather they were playing proper - tier 4 so not allowed..

Laiste · 22/12/2020 16:29

Ah - she's back down and we now have Frozen II on the telly. So - a screen but at least a film.

That was a whole - hour and 8 minutes!

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