To be uncomfortable with kids being on screens all day?

[Bagamoyo1]

2 DSs, age 15 and 11.

Both football mad, so during term time, Covid permitting, their weekends are busy with training and matches half the time, so I don’t mind them playing Xbox the rest of the time.

Now it’s the holidays and they’re both just vegging in front of their screens. I know there’s not much else they can do, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just not healthy! It’s probably an age thing - I’m in my 50s and screens just weren’t a thing in my childhood.

They’ll go to the park maybe every couple of days, but the rest of the time they say the park is boring without a team to play with.

Should I stop stressing about it and accept that this is the way things are now? In normal times we’d be going on day trips but obviously that can’t happen now.

Neither of them are remotely crafty or artistic, and they don’t like reading.

Is this normal? Am I being too stressy?

DD and DS are watching the new Wurrzle Gummidge on tv with OH at the moment. I consider that a victory against the iPads!

Mine are 5 and 7. Oldest loves his Nintendo. youngest iPad. I feel constant guilt when there on it. we do go out on dog walks, them on their bike but it takes up maybe 2 hours of the day. Might be out for four hours on a weekend, I make them play, which usually involves them den building ( and trashing the house) il play with them too for a bit but ultimately there is so many hours in the day. they wake at 7 the oldest doesn't fall asleep till past 9, there is just nothing to do so they end up back on them. I kid myself too that the oldest is socialising whilst he play games with his friends. I'm just glad there's so many other kids who are doing the same. Makes me feel less guilty.

I don't like it either, but there's not much you can do about it at their ages. In fact, nothing in the case of the 15 year old.

My 10yo is at school 8am - 5.20pm and sails most of most weekends- I can't get worked up about limiting screen time when he's actually home. We have time limits (no screens 10am- 4pm) in the 9/10 week summer holiday, but not the shorter holidays.

Tier 4 and pissing down at the moment, lots of screen time I’m afraid but it’s not the norm so I’m not worried, everyone deserves some downtime and the right to enjoy what they like but if it was constant (which it doesn’t sound at all like it is OP) I’d give them some leeway. Unless you’re not in Tier 4 then I’m outraged 😁

Well mine are allowed 30 mins max on non school work computer screen a day incl weekend. They can also watch some tv. Is tough when he said all his friends are allowed on for hours - I thought he was exaggerating but reading this I think not.

@3orangekissesfromkazan

DD and DS are watching the new Wurrzle Gummidge on tv with OH at the moment. I consider that a victory against the iPads!

What if they were watching on the iPad 😂😂 doesn’t make much difference.

Why are you allowing it, rather than being uncomfortable.

My 16 yo has been like this since lockdown in March his college course has ended up being part time and mostly online. No local friends and to see his mates he would have had to travel into a city with a consistently high number of cases so that would have been a real concern. His social life is now mostly all through the XBox.

The pandemic has created an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle for some teenagers and it really worries me.

@Jangle33

Well mine are allowed 30 mins max on non school work computer screen a day incl weekend. They can also watch some tv. Is tough when he said all his friends are allowed on for hours - I thought he was exaggerating but reading this I think not.

Your medal is in the post 🙄

Why is parenting fraught with so much bloody guilt??

I am as ridiculous as everyone else...guilt from the day they are born..are they BF'ing? If not why??, are they weaning on the right foods?? Should they be eating puree'd broccoli..what about vitamins and minerals?? Am I spoiling them with too many toys/or not enough? Should they be playing with 'educational' toys or is the plastic, noisy flashy crap ok..or not?

Should they be reading more?? Everyone else kids seem to be able to read/write/draw so much better...

Is it ok if they watch TV, or will it rot their brain?? Is Cbeebies ok? Some of it is educational isn't it??

Then it's on to gaming and screens...all their friends at school have a Nintendo Switch..should I get one too? Will it rot their brain, or will they be outcasts who can't join in with the gaming 'bants'??

And on and on and on....many more years to come of worrying I am 'not doing it as well as everybody else'...or is it all bollocks and actually most people are struggling with the same guilty, inadequate feelings?

Interesting to note my DH never seems eaten up with guilt..could it be a 'competitive mum' thing that we are groomed in from day one.....?

@3orangekissesfromkazan

Why is parenting fraught with so much bloody guilt??

I am as ridiculous as everyone else...guilt from the day they are born..are they BF'ing? If not why??, are they weaning on the right foods?? Should they be eating puree'd broccoli..what about vitamins and minerals?? Am I spoiling them with too many toys/or not enough? Should they be playing with 'educational' toys or is the plastic, noisy flashy crap ok..or not?

Should they be reading more?? Everyone else kids seem to be able to read/write/draw so much better...

Is it ok if they watch TV, or will it rot their brain?? Is Cbeebies ok? Some of it is educational isn't it??

Then it's on to gaming and screens...all their friends at school have a Nintendo Switch..should I get one too? Will it rot their brain, or will they be outcasts who can't join in with the gaming 'bants'??

And on and on and on....many more years to come of worrying I am 'not doing it as well as everybody else'...or is it all bollocks and actually most people are struggling with the same guilty, inadequate feelings?

Interesting to note my DH never seems eaten up with guilt..could it be a 'competitive mum' thing that we are groomed in from day one.....?

I’d say because dads don’t do it to other dads as much as mums can do it to mums

Exactly..we're our own worst bloody enemies.

I feel like this but DS is isolating so we can't leave the house at all. We have played games, they have entertained themselves, we have baked, crafted and now we are back to screens. Will take them for a drive later to see the lights.

Mine are a bit younger so I am holding onto the fact that they will get loads of new stuff for xmas and I can turn the TV off from boxing day!

I dislike it, but we're in Tier 4 and are in an area that has had several lockdowns this year.
What do they do if they have no screens? Fight mainly. 🙄 The older ones are now mud teens so I think the horse has bolted there regarding strict screen control. Plus it's the only way they can connect with friends and the way most of their schooling is being delivered.

I do worry that this year has set an unhealthy precedent of excessive screen use that is going to be impossible to reverse.

And before people pile on to say I should control it - it's a lot different with a 16 yr old from a 10 year old. And I'm a single parent out at work all day, so noone is home to monitor during the day and I'm too bloody exhausted to have a battle about it in the evening.

I also think people need to remember that anyone can say anything about themselves on here and not really have to prove it. My kids don’t have devices, or TVs or anything just a pet rock each. See I’ve said it so it must be true, go me! All the angst too about kids on screens when soooo many posters spend all bloody day on here.

Yup...and Facebook is performance parenting at its very finest.

I'm really trying to focus on the fact that my kids are well fed, loved and generally seem happy..DD tells me often I am the best mum in the world..poor deluded child

Would look at what needs doing and divide it between you. If parents are doing stuff 11 and 15 year olds can either do it to or be taught how. Tidying up, hoovering, cleaning the toilet, bath, shower screen, doing dishes, walking the dog etc are all jobs that get done before screen time here.

When they get up, make bed, tidy round room, sort clothes/pockets for laundry, make/lay out breakfast (including asking others if they want a hot drink etc), feed the dog, put down fresh water, dishes into the dishwasher... by the time that is all done they have earned some screen time. I was surprised talking with friends that 3 out of 4 of them just let the kids get up and go on devices. It does not have to be that way.

Honestly, I can't even begin to get worked up about this at this point. It's cold, dark and wet and we're in Tier 4. At least when they're on screens they are also often interacting with friends - DD spent roughly 2 hours chatting and playing with her bestie this morning while DS has been on his playstation playing with mates off and on. DS is 9 and while he's allowed a fair bit of independence, most of his school friends are not allowed the same amount and don't live close enough for them to walk and meet each other in the park or whatever. He does have one local friend so on nice days the two of them will go to a park together (which is within restrictions as I understand it as it's two people from separate households for exercise).

We do try to initiate activities for them to do outside of screens - walks, chores, games etc - but I really am not stressing if they're doing screens more than other things.

Tier 4 here too...it's grim.

I used to say they could have technology after 3 - I’ve just realised that this year with all that’s been going on it’s slipped and it’s any old time of day . I drag them out for walks / to the playground / make cakes etc but they’re still on technology too much . I feel I should reinstate the old rule ... but at the mo don’t feel I can - OH is a key worker , always on calls and he doesn’t need the bundling / nerf gun fights that would be going on loudly when we’re home

What if they were watching on the iPad 😂😂 doesn’t make much difference

The bit that bothers me is less the screen they're watching it on and more the kind of thing that tends to appear on said screens. Things that play on TVs tend (at least in our house) to be reasonably lengthy things that require extended attention and engagement.

What DSS watches on his tablet or mobile is rarely more than 8 seconds long and it's this slack-jawed scrolling while he consumes video after video not because he's interested or seeking something, but because it's being auto-fed to him.

That's the bit that's always bothered me – I see what I think is the impact, where he's completely unable to be without entertainment, in his own head. He cannot amuse himself or be with his own thoughts, because he's not had to since he was very small.

I watched an episode of The Herbs the other day (DP and I are from different countries and I was trying to show him old kids programmes from the UK) and I was struck by how incredibly slow-paced and meandering it was. No way DSS would stick with anything for that long – it's like his brain needs constant switching and changing.

So for me it's less the device that has the screen on it, and more what you're likely to find happening on that screen. If DSS sat through a whole movie I think I'd jump for joy – the only time I've seen him do it was his first time seeing Forrest Gump last year.

people did used to be able to entertain themselves in their homes without screens in the past. Reading books, playing music, chatting to friends on the phone etc.

These are all activities that kids still do, just using their phone/iPad.

I am quite strict, DS aged 12, 45 min limit on PS4 with flex of 15 mins. On a wet day a second 45 min allowed otherwise outside or reading. Limit TV to something specific and nothing after 8pm. Luckily DS loves reading!

Yep and home school in January means even school will be on a screen.