To be uncomfortable with kids being on screens all day?

[Bagamoyo1]

2 DSs, age 15 and 11.

Both football mad, so during term time, Covid permitting, their weekends are busy with training and matches half the time, so I don’t mind them playing Xbox the rest of the time.

Now it’s the holidays and they’re both just vegging in front of their screens. I know there’s not much else they can do, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s just not healthy! It’s probably an age thing - I’m in my 50s and screens just weren’t a thing in my childhood.

They’ll go to the park maybe every couple of days, but the rest of the time they say the park is boring without a team to play with.

Should I stop stressing about it and accept that this is the way things are now? In normal times we’d be going on day trips but obviously that can’t happen now.

Neither of them are remotely crafty or artistic, and they don’t like reading.

Is this normal? Am I being too stressy?

Completely agree with you @ladybee28 it's the continuous consumption of stuff. My ds often games and has something on his tablet playing at the same time...either netflix or a youtuber playing the game he happens to be playing

I have to tell him to choose one thing as his brain cant deal with all this input and multi-tasking!

I am a bit lose with screen time, DC is 7 and has a tv in his room, iPad and two games consoles he splits his time between....

We monitor for appropriate sites etc, but other than that we just let him crack on. He is an only child of two working parents, and he uses some of the screen time to chat away with his friends and play group games - mid week play dates are impossible (even without covid)

His iPad is now mainly used for audio books, music, reading, football news etc. So isn’t just playing mindless games all of the time.

Dads a gamer and I have a fairly techy career, and spend 9 hours a day behind 3 monitors and two phones.

Kids screen time is excessive these days and is considered normal. But you're not wrong to worry.

I've ended up limiting it for mine. Every so often I'l tell them to turn all screens off for a while. I dont set a time or anything.

For a bit they are bored and vocal about it, then they start communicating with each other about random things, they argue, they play games or make up their own games or decide to cook something (unfortunately mostly sweet food but oh well , they're learning another skill!)

After a while they all end up back on screens again but its fine. As they've had a break from it.

Well, it’s the Christmas holidays and I’m still at work so I’m not fretting about it.

Thanks everyone - I’m glad it’s not just me who doesn’t feel happy about it.

We were fairly late to get screens - DS1 was the last of his friends to get an Xbox - I think he was about 10. So we had many happy years of toys and Lego. And it was much easier to be strict when they were younger, because there genuinely were more alternatives. But you can’t really tell a 15 year old to play with toys.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it made them happy, but it really doesn’t . If they have a day of screens they’re both really ratty by the evening, and restless like caged animals !

In the end, today, they went to the park, and the atmosphere is much better as a result. I just wish I didn’t have to have the daily fight.

Mine are on screens too much and they're much younger. I don't like it but usually in the xmas hols they'd have friends over to play or we'd be visiting family or out at the theatre or pub. We go outside for a few hours every day but walking in the rain and mud is pretty tiresome. As are crafts and baking when you've been doing it for months. I'm hoping we can set some new goals and plans for the new year around improving the quality of our downtime- like learning an instrument or something.

@Littleyell

What would they do instead though? If it was summer and normal times I could understand. It isn’t though.

Really?

What did you do as a child?

Younger.... Read, played, kick about in garden, trampoline, role play games, play with dolls, card games

Older... read, kick about, listen to music

Have the same problem. My 2 play x box too much normally. It's my lazy parenting (that sometimes I'm ashamed of) that makes me normally think it's too much.
But since football (Ds2) and boxing (Ds1) has stopped last week, they are on it all the time.

Screens are not an issue in my house, they do use screens but very little, except for family TV viewing. We are about fifteen years out of date I think!

Other things they do are crafts, modelling, reading, board games, cooking, gardening. I still have to persuade them out of the house some days, in colder weather.

Key is... not to get the stuff in first place!

So my yr 6 son goes to friend and plays on x box.
Comes home and asks for one. I say you remember what I promised.... for your 12 birthday guaranteed.
And he heads out to play football.

My daughter year 3, not a bloody chance am I having her play computer games and never asks and none of her friends seem to play or have either. It’s all about sylvanians families, reading and playing “teachers”.

I don’t want them to feel left out, so from secondary school onwards, I’ll allow computer games in the house.

* We are about fifteen years out of date I think*

Same here and it’s brill as no temptation!

What is this strange aversion a lot of parents seem to have to "screen time".
You do realise it is the arse end of 2020 and the vast majority of jobs involve "screen time".
You going to phone your children's employer in the future and demand your kid stop work after an hour each day?

Or is it, as I suspect, nothing to do with screens and everything to do with control, punishment and showing the little buggers who is the boss.

@ChocolateCherrybomb

What is this strange aversion a lot of parents seem to have to "screen time". You do realise it is the arse end of 2020 and the vast majority of jobs involve "screen time". You going to phone your children's employer in the future and demand your kid stop work after an hour each day?

Or is it, as I suspect, nothing to do with screens and everything to do with control, punishment and showing the little buggers who is the boss.

Have you read anythingAbout impact of excessive screen time? On adults and children alike

Or is it, as I suspect, nothing to do with screens and everything to do with control, punishment and showing the little buggers who is the boss

Yes, that's exactly it. I only limit screen time because whips and chains are illegal.

@snookercue

people did used to be able to entertain themselves in their homes without screens in the past. Reading books, playing music, chatting to friends on the phone etc.

These are all activities that kids still do, just using their phone/iPad.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head as to why limiting screen time is so difficult for me.

They’re socialising and spending time with friends
doing all the things that teens do but the medium is the screen.

The issue for me is that I feel they should move more, be outside, spend time with the family (but did I really want to spend time with my parents at 12 and 15?) and have more variety.

I’d still like all these things but your comments have made me realise that for me what they are doing on the screen is more important that how long they are spending on it.

That’s really helpful for taking the guilt away and helping me have a more mature conversation with them about balance and physically seeing their friends during the holidays as well as socialising online.