To want/expect a happy home/family life?

[sameday2021]

Can I have some advice? How are you all achieving a happy home? I've just had to delete Instagram and Facebook as I can't stand to see happy families leading enjoyable lives anymore!

Just went on a winter walk through a lovely wood with fairy doors. Other kids look happy, climbing on logs, taking photos etc. My kids look sullen, moaning about the mud, asking to go home. This is just one tiny example. If they are home they are sad, cross, fighting. Anywhere they go they complain.

They are age 5 and 9. The eldest is plain rude at the moment. Rude about the meals put in front of her, rude about any plans, rude about they way I talk even! They have a nice home, well provided for, nice area, nice school, kind parents, yet still most days feel miserable for them! They are happy when with their friends but not at home.

Is there a book I can read? Or any of you have tips? If things don't change they aren't going to have fond memories of their childhood and that makes me very sad!

You can't expect them to like particular things, just because other kids like it. As a child, I hated nature. Why don't you find out what they like, instead of expecting them to be something they're not.

@1950s1

You can't expect them to like particular things, just because other kids like it. As a child, I hated nature. Why don't you find out what they like, instead of expecting them to be something they're not.

Which would be fine if there was literally anything else to do with kids right now.its not like we can all happily skip off to the cinema or such like.

Mine will briefly look happy outside when I've got the snacks out. I presume this is the moment that other ppl take photos to post on social media.

Have you tried pokemon go? Or that weird treasure hunt cache thing that I can't remember the name off? Mine will perk up with a bit of pokemon go.

I agree to figuring out what they actually like doing. If winter walks aren't their thing, everyone is just going to be miserable. What about taking bikes?

But also please don't think everyone else has perfect lives, most people don't. And I always think that the ones posting lots of happy family pictures on social media are trying to prove something.

I was tearing my hair out with my 2 young kids this morning, they were fighting, whining, and didn't want to go anywhere. Eventually persuaded them to come for a quick walk around the park and the next minute I looked around DD had changed into T-shirt and shorts and was refusing to change, there were more tears and it took us about an hour to get out of the house for just a quick walk. Yes it was a nice walk in the end, but no one saw the carnage that preceded it. Guess I just wanted to say that things aren't always as rosy as they seem in one or two photos.

That's pretty harsh, 1950s1 and a massive leap. Why are you assuming based on the OP's description of one family outing that she doesn't do things they want to do and that she wants them to be something they're not?! Did you miss the bits about them being rude about pretty much everything?

OP - first thing is to stop taking any notice of what other people present as their happy families. Secondly, rudeness about you and about food is not on. Make the eldest help you cook if she thinks she can do better!

Leave the outings for a little while, so that the dc feel the lack of them. Then maybe let them take it in turns to suggest things themselves.

@1950s1

You can't expect them to like particular things, just because other kids like it. As a child, I hated nature. Why don't you find out what they like, instead of expecting them to be something they're not.

They like sitting on the sofa, eating chocolate and watching Pokemon. But I can't let them do that all day can I? Seriously they are happy eating junk food and watching a screen. Anything else I ask them to do is met with resistance.

We do do quite a lot of arts and crafts but eldest seems to be growing out of this now.

What you describe is the reality for most families for much of the time - All kids have their moments, and I totally identify with the dramas just trying to go for a nice walk, we’ve had our share of those!!

I would say the lovely Instagram moments are the highlights and not the usual. When my kids play and laugh together it makes my heart sing, but it’s soon over and at least one of them is whinging or squabbling again.

Don’t be hard on yourself and try to find the fun where you can, sometimes spontaneous silliness is better than organised fun?

They sound normal!

@1950s1 spreading the joy once again...

OP, have you asked if there are specific things they would like to do? Its tough at the moment being restricted everywhere we go but perhaps you could get creative with something that interests them?

@MrsDeadlock yes we've tried Pokemon Go! Great example of what I'm going through actually - you'd think they'd enjoy it, right? Nope, arguments, crying, stomping of feet. I've deleted it off my phone now.

Those insta photos might be the one happy photo and then the kids all argued so it all went wrong. Insta isn't real.

Ohh Pokemon go might be a great shout then for getting outdoors and exercise!

Facebook and Instagram are all lies!!! People post the 1 min their child was happy and not the rest when they fell over / had a tantrum etc. If you get it back follow some bloggers like unmummsey mum or tired&tested. They show proper life in a funny way.

For those that said it's quite normal - where does that leave us as mothers then? Work, housework, home with stroppy hard-to-please kids. That's not a happy life!

@Shoxfordian

Those insta photos might be the one happy photo and then the kids all argued so it all went wrong. Insta isn't real.

I know. That's why I have deleted it, at least until I'm in a better frame of mind. I think it still sneaks into your subconscious even when you know it's not real.

@Northernmummy80

Ohh Pokemon go might be a great shout then for getting outdoors and exercise!

Facebook and Instagram are all lies!!! People post the 1 min their child was happy and not the rest when they fell over / had a tantrum etc. If you get it back follow some bloggers like unmummsey mum or tired&tested. They show proper life in a funny way.

Thanks for the suggestion but you missed the previous post. Tried Pokemon Go and that caused problems too!

They sound normal. 9 year old is probably at the beginning of puberty too. I wouldn't take it to heart. My kids are miserable as sin most of the time! It's been a hard year all round. Cut yourself some slack

Give them something to do when out in walks. Things that kind like are -
Magnifying glass to look at bugs
A camera to take some nature pics
Collect pine cones to paint or make into bird feeders
Hot chocolate and a cupcake for a winter picnic.

@trevthecat

They sound normal. 9 year old is probably at the beginning of puberty too. I wouldn't take it to heart. My kids are miserable as sin most of the time! It's been a hard year all round. Cut yourself some slack

Well thanks so much for posting, it's good to hear I'm not the only one. How do you stay chill about that then? Do you work plenty so you're rarely dealing with it, or does it just brush over your head. I need to figure out how to stop getting so fed up about it!

I remember being miserable on a day out to London with my siblings and dad. It was raining and we just seemed to walk and walk. Dad was a keen a photographer and the photos from that day show us all as miserable. Feel so sorry about it now, as Dad tried his best, but we were just kids.

I can 10000% guarantee that the kids in the "happy family" were moaning too.

I've seen loads of photos of happy families in a local garden centre recently. I took my kids and they were so bored it was unreal. 30 min drive for my 7 year old to be interested in the lights for 20 seconds and then complain the rest of the time.

No way are all those kids loving it!!! It's all for social media.

I follow the Unmumsy Mum on Instagram and Facebook and she is a breath of fresh air!! Highly recommend for a dose of real parenting!

Have you asked them why they're so unhappy all the time? The eldest particularly.

I think it's normal to struggle to get kids to do things but your OP makes it sound like more than that, like they're always miserable.

My practical advice would be to split them up and spend one on one time with them. Will they play board games?

Divide and rule (if you can!).
It’s much harder for them to whine and sulk if they’ve not got sibling to go along with it.

Sorry OP, parenting is really shit most of the time. Get yourself a good friend you can moan about your kids to, it's really helped me, and at least I can then laugh and see the funny side at how awful they can be. I think most of the time you do have to coast along through it without taking it to heart. I have had moments when I've thought, why the fuck did I bother, I've given up half my life for them and they're still miserable.
I have some beautiful family photos and happy memories, but still remember being on holiday, crying that I wanted to go home because the kids were bickering so much, and I've even cancelled a holiday before, as I didn't want to take them. They are normal kids though! Just bloody entitled ungrateful little sods.

Don’t allow any tablets, iPhones or computer games or sugary snacks/drinks - it makes their behaviour dreadful.

Be smiley, pleasant and upbeat around them. Make them laugh, give them your time and attention and give them three filling meals a day.
It’s probably just a phase anyway, but check your kids aren’t being bullied etc and don’t have anything on their minds.

I recommend an Instagram feed with no one you know on it- mine is entirely art galleries, museums, shops & bloggers I like & hobby related stuff. Purely pretty pictures & no opportunity to compare myself to anyone! And I totally agree that a few smiling photos does not mean their wholes lives are perfect- I had a great family holiday in the summer but my kid looks well miserable in most of the photos, I swear he wasn't like that the rest of the time!

I have a couple of photos from about 40 years ago when my children were young. We'd driven out into lovely countryside for a walk, on a nice day, with old ruins to explore, and they both looked cheesed off. So I took photos anyway. Now when they complain about the grandchildren not wanting to be outdoors unless there is food or shopping involved, I bring out those pics!