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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do your kids get the same at Christmas?

81 replies

grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 12:21

we just counted all the presents and daughter has 5 more than son to open but son has a big set with three toys in one.
I remember being a kid, we used to take turns opening so if someone has more, we knew.

I don't know what to do, buy 5 more little gifts so he opens the same? seems wasteful but I don't want him to think his sister has been better behaved and santa gave her more
wwyd?

OP posts:
EsmeeMerlin · 22/12/2020 13:50

My sons get the same amount spent on them but my ds1 will sometimes have less to show for the money because he likes video games and tracksuits as opposed to his younger brother who still wants toys. He is understanding of that and has never counted his presents or been fussed that he has less to open than his brother.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:51

@Shoppingwithmother she asked for a coat as hers was getting pretty tight
she thought santa would bring a better one than I would choose Confused if only she knew Xmas Blush

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 22/12/2020 13:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:56

@HitthatroadJack
this is my first year mixing it up and I'm quite clearly having a hard time with it Blush

and as for the posters saying they spend the same, we get a mix of new and charity shop/ second hand so a cardigan bought for 3 quid and a big iron man toy for 3 quid cost me the same but in the shops would have been 7 quid and maybe 25?
it makes it difficult to judge Confused
its easy with things like books and clothes but with dolls and puzzles etc it gets a bit tricky

OP posts:
muckypaws · 22/12/2020 13:56

I think you've answered your own question, OP. Even it up somehow. It might be ungrateful, petty and unworthy, etc, but all the same you could just avert the problem easily enough, so I would. Once they are older they will understand more about how much it costs, but for now they want the same.

Lemondrops41 · 22/12/2020 13:58

We spend the same amount on both. This year this has resulted in the youngest getting five big items which will fill his stocking and our oldest getting five small items that wouldn't fill a cushion cover!They are both getting what they asked for.

lyralalala · 22/12/2020 13:59

At that age I would even it up. We do turns each present opening as well so until they’re older they get the same number of parcels to open

Once they’re old enough to actually completely understand the cost of things, and don’t believe in Santa, they don’t get the same parcels.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 14:00

@muckypaws you're right, I just wanted to justify it publicly to alleviate my guilt at being a Christmas consumer thats counting like harry potters step brother
"but last year, last year there were 37!!!!!!!!"

OP posts:
RoseZinfandel · 22/12/2020 14:03

I absolutely would get closer to the same amount, especially if you are opening in turns.

I would open up the 3 gifts in one thing you have mentioned and wrap each of them separately

That will then be 12 vs 15.
Add the pants if he needs them, and wrap 2 of your daughter's presents together if any of them are similar, that's 13 vs 14 which is fine.

PaquitaVariation · 22/12/2020 14:06

I’ve honestly never counted how many presents they have but in this situation I would unwrap the clothes abs just give her them in the new year as ‘clothes you needed’ just like you did with the clothes you gave your ds earlier.

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 14:16

No that is nuts.

You can point it out to them - James you open your big present, and then Katie gets to open 2 of hers because that one of yours is so big....

Todayisgood2 · 22/12/2020 14:27

@grannyinapram sounds like you have a solution. I remember counting pressies as a kid and my 2 only have 2 years between them so they would notice if one gets more than the other. I think you have a good plan- I wrap clothes, undies, tooth paste the lot! Some people are so miserable....

HailFairy · 22/12/2020 14:34

We always make sure they have the same number to open, yes. My brother & I always used to compare piles... actually my own dc never have but I like it to look ‘fair’.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 22/12/2020 14:37

They have a similar number to open but I have explained that the value is the same even if they do have a different number of presents. They're 8&9.

notquitealonealone · 22/12/2020 14:42

When mine were that sort of age they would have the same number of gifts, but not the same amount spent on them, purely based on what they asked for. There wouldn't be a huge amount in it though in terms of cost. I don't think they would have a clue what things cost anyway. If there was a difference in the number of gifts I'd even it up with something cheap, like a tube of smarties or stickers or something.

ForeverBubblegum · 22/12/2020 15:11

Can you wrap some of her presents together, so she could open a pile of clothes instead of several individual items.

Chloemol · 22/12/2020 15:25

Either buy three more, or don’t take turns and let them both open presents at the same time

Nottherealslimshady · 22/12/2020 15:33

We always got essentials aswell, I love getting essentials for Christmas, cant remember the last time I bought my own trainers! Although I remember getting knickers off my mum when stepdad was there so I said thankyou quickly and shoved them in a bag and he shouted at me for not showing everyone what I was getting, 14 and showing my mums boyfriend my new knickers, not the best Blush

I would add some small things for him, not remove any of hers. Pack of uni/dobble cards, mug with a pack of hot chocolate in it, magazine, puzzle, sweets.

dancinfeet · 22/12/2020 17:35

If you have spent roughly the same on each of them, then buy a couple of small gift bags and put 2/3 small presents in each bag so that 2 little presents = 1 gift to open? That's what I used to do for my two when they were little, they always accepted it if the gifts were bundled together.

Jackabobbo · 22/12/2020 17:35

When we were young, we just opened stuff. We didn't take turns so I have no idea if we got an equal amount of presents. I can imagine my mum probably had a budget for each of us and spent approx the same. I think one of my brothers did count them actually - it seems like the type of thing he'd do, I can't remember it ever being a big deal though. Maybe it was to him, but the rest of us were definitely too excited to notice things like that.

I've got an only child - glad I don't have to worry about this! I know that's not helpful, sorry!

wildraisins · 22/12/2020 17:58

Kids don't really understand how much things cost, so to them it doesn't matter if they got fewer, more expensive presents. They will still be looking at another kid who has more and wonder why.

So yes, at age 6/7 I would get a few extra small presents to make up for it so they have the same number, even if it's just some sweets or something.

I'd stop doing that at about 9 when they start to understand money a bit better and can understand they got one thing that cost a bit more rather than two cheaper things.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/12/2020 18:48

I always make sure the dc have the same number of gifts. Personally I'd give the clothes separately (as your ds didn't need to have his clothes as an Xmas gift) and then either buy some extra bits for ds or hold back a few of dd's things for her next birthday.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/12/2020 18:53

Mine have the same amount of gifts (and some gifts are exactly the same as well, things I know they both would like), but I know this will change when they get older and start truly appreciating the dollar value of items. Mine are 9&6 years.

pinkpetal2 · 22/12/2020 18:56

I've done the same my daughter has about 8 more than him she's 5 he's 4 and I've done the same with stockings she's got around 27 Shock items in the stocking he has around 11. I don't know how I've done it, I find it easier to buy for girls and harder for boys. I don't think he'll notice but I do.

Floralnomad · 22/12/2020 18:57

When ours were younger we aimed for similar size piles but it didn’t last long . We have never price matched and it’s never been an issue and they are adults now and we still don’t .

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