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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do your kids get the same at Christmas?

81 replies

grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 12:21

we just counted all the presents and daughter has 5 more than son to open but son has a big set with three toys in one.
I remember being a kid, we used to take turns opening so if someone has more, we knew.

I don't know what to do, buy 5 more little gifts so he opens the same? seems wasteful but I don't want him to think his sister has been better behaved and santa gave her more
wwyd?

OP posts:
Lookslikerainted · 22/12/2020 12:52

Quantity*

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/12/2020 12:52

My kids get the same number in the sense of getting presents from the same number of people.

But if a present contained more than one, item we would just wrap the items together into one parcel.

Eg say DD had a game from uncle sam, and DS had a set of felt tips & a colouring book from uncle sam, we would wrap the felt tips & colouring book into a single parcel so each child got one parcel to unwrap from uncle sam.

DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes · 22/12/2020 12:58

Split his three in one set and wrap separately, put a couple of her items in the same parcel if you are still short pick up something cheap that would be liked by your son (I've wrapped the "free" gift from a magazine (mini Lego set) before.

TingTastic · 22/12/2020 13:03

I would even it out. I was that kid who got noticeably fewer presents than my siblings (in terms of number and cost) and can still remember that feeling when I looked at the piles

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:08

@TingTastic

I would even it out. I was that kid who got noticeably fewer presents than my siblings (in terms of number and cost) and can still remember that feeling when I looked at the piles
See this happened to me as I was the oldest, I think I will even it out a bit
OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 22/12/2020 13:10

Never even crossed my mind. We’ve bought what we think is the right gift of approximately the same value. If it means one had a single, expensive gift and others had a selection of smaller ones the so be it.

The very idea that either we or our children would be so petty and self centred to count the number of gifts instead of being thankful and gracious would leave me disappointed in us and that I’d failed as a parent.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 22/12/2020 13:11

7 years between my two, the eldest has more in value but the youngest has more in numbers. They are old enough to understand the reasons why!

Stillgoings · 22/12/2020 13:12

I have always given mine the same number of presents to open as we take it in turns. I didn't bother at all about spending the same on them when they were little as they wouldn't have known but now I make sure that the overall value is the about same.

yoyo1234 · 22/12/2020 13:13

Normally have never thought to count but if opening them in sequence then maybe wrap some together.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:18

@Gatehouse77 thats a bit harsh,
we have always opened each gift separately and watched everyone else do theirs so its not like anyone would be counting their presents and moaning like a Dursley,
the reality is everyone would be going round the circle and then one child would be left with no presents while the other still has a load to open.

most 7 year olds would feel sad about watching their sister open 5 extra presents

OP posts:
Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:21

I think I'll take out the coat and get him some new pants and shoes since he needs some anyway, that would leave them the same

All other years we have just brought them the same things but slightly different, but now they are getting older and asking for wildly different things its getting harder to navigate what too for the best

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 22/12/2020 13:24

What exactly have you bought?
Including the clothes... Are we talking a new school coat, plus leggings and tops... Or a fancy coat and a party dress?

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 22/12/2020 13:26

Why not just open 3 presets each going round and then do the rest?
Each to there own but I couldn’t be doing with ensuring we all had the same number of presents for next however many years

lazylinguist · 22/12/2020 13:29

he is bringing up being good and getting coal every day so I'm worried he will read into it.

Do people these days really honestly tell their children that if they are not good, Father Christmas will bring them coal? Shock Gifts should be gifts, freely given, not behaviour bribes.

DappledThings · 22/12/2020 13:31

They get same in their stockings, just little bits. Then yes they get the same becuase they get one big present each, job done!

ivfbeenbusy · 22/12/2020 13:31

Have to agree with @Gatehouse77

I think it's ridiculous to wrap some pants up just to even up the score - what 7 year old wants to open up pants for Xmas?!

Your gifting for gifting sake - there is no thought gone into it other than materialism/consumerism and fear of missing out!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/12/2020 13:32

Remove the clothes and just use them as needed.

He will notice the difference if you take it in turns to open gifts and may also wonder why’re doesn’t get new clothes too.

Beautifulbonnie · 22/12/2020 13:40

We do the one present thing. Kids roughly same age. My youngest has got way more. But my eldest asked for more expensive gifts. But they knoe this. My eldest only wanted 2 things.

RenataLander · 22/12/2020 13:45

My sons order their own gifts, and if it is an expensive gift, it will be one, no one will be offended. I don't think they would react that way. They should not be jealous or fight who has a better one, don't teach them that.

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:47

@ivfbeenbusy
gosh at Christmas we wrap everything
my daughter even put toothpaste on her Christmas list because I always stick a frozen or a spiderman toothpaste in their Christmas sock Blush My mom did the same for us so it looks like we got more than what we actually did.
we always opened pants and socks and vests etc

the whole this is consumerist, let's not be mean- it is Christmas and thou art holier than poor old I
lmfao Biscuit

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Twobrews · 22/12/2020 13:48

I agree with Gatehouse77 in principal although often the excitement of Christmas can cause unexpected behaviour.
One of mine asked for crayons aged three opened them first and completely refused to open anything else from anyone because she'd got her crayons.
DS3 aged 5 had his one and only tantrum on Christmas Day over a cheap last minute present DS2 had received. It was completely out of character and quite shocking. He never behaved like that before or afterwards. Three years on we all laugh about it but I was horrified on the actual day.

Shoppingwithmother · 22/12/2020 13:48

Personally I think a coat is an even worse present for a child than pants! At least it could be Christmas themed pants or with a favourite character on, but a coat is generally pretty boring.

Also, mathematically, I feel compelled to say that 15 presents is not a third more than 10 - it’s 50% more.

Having said that though, I do not think you need to get the same number of presents for each child, but rather approx the same value, or just the same amount of “making them feel happy by having something they really wanted.”

frustrationcentral · 22/12/2020 13:49

I spend equally, but don't worry too much about quantity. If it's massively different I'll sometimes buy chocolate or something. There's a 5 year age gap between mine though so it's not uncommon for my eldest (17) to get something very expensive and his brother to get a few presents matching the same price

Original poster
grannyinapram · 22/12/2020 13:49

There's no way my kids would say anything but you can't help being silently disappointed that you have less
it happened to me as a kid and you only have to read though the 'my worst Christmas present' thread to see that subtle differences between siblings gifts can seem like the end of the world at this age

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HitthatroadJack · 22/12/2020 13:49

7 and 6, I'd give the same amount. I'd give identical things like chocolates et little bits, and same amount of things to unwrap, even if you just add a magazine or a toy car.

They are too young to think about the value of gifts frankly.