To not use my maternity leave for this anymore?

[QualityTweetTweet]

Try to keep it brief. On maternity and have been for a few weeks.

It seems I've become a free for all with DHs ex in terms of being asked to do school runs, and after school childcare.

I don't mind helping out the odd day but it's getting stupid now. I keep being asked last minute on DHs exes days if I'll drop them off/pick them up/have them after school and so on because she's working.

It's like now I'm at home she doesn't need to bother sorting anything out now.

But I'm fucking knackered! And quite frankly I just don't want to do it anymore. They are obviously off now but in the new year I'm just going to say no from now on.

I was saying yes when I could to try and keep relations friendly but I'm sick of it.

Just say no!

@KitKatastrophe

Just say no!

I do sometimes but a lot of the time I end up agreeing because it's all some big flap 'oh no there's no one to do X and I'm working tomorrow'.

We have the kids 50:50 and funnily enough DH is always able to manage his time...

You don't have to explain yourself, just reply "I can't today, sorry".

Who does the after school childcare on you dh’s days? Does she go somewhere or does he finish early? Im wondering whether she can just do five nights at after school club.

Presumably schools are finished, or nearly, for Christmas, so hopefully it won't come up as much. But if it does, just say that you're tired and unfortunately you need to catch up on your rest (I'm assuming baby hasn't arrived yet!).

Not your kids, it's her days, if you don't put your foot down when they go back in January this will carry on.

Yes, just say sorry I'm busy, well
Manage our 50% you sort yourself out

Presumably schools are finished, or nearly, for Christmas, so hopefully it won't come up as much

Yes they did last week, I'm more thinking in the new year!

Who does the after school childcare on you dh’s days?

He's been finishing early. The after school clubs closed not long ago I believe. Before they were going to those.

Sorry I'm not a available and keep repeating. I'm assuming dh and ex split childcare costs?

@Waveysnail

Sorry I'm not a available and keep repeating. I'm assuming dh and ex split childcare costs?

Yes he just pays for his days in AS club.

Well he was when it was open.

You dh and she need to be sorting out childcare for their children.

Does you dh get involved in these discussions?

@christinarossetti19

You dh and she need to be sorting out childcare for their children.

Does you dh get involved in these discussions?

Not really, he just tells me to say no. But she messages me directly.

I know I need to. Definitely in the new year it's stopping.

It’s your maternity leave. Your special time. I’d kindly remind her of that as she had her time with her children and she needs to make sure she is organised enough or speak directly with their dad for last minute care.

Thought so!

It's really difficult for working parents with after school provision not operating as normal, but they need to sit down/speak on the phone together and work out a better plan.

I would reply to every text 'you need to ask their dad about this'. It's very easy for him to tell you to say no rather than having to involve himself in the complications. There may need to be some adjustment of expectations and arrangements but your dh needs to be sorting these out with his ex.

It's likely that schools will be online for the first bit of January - I would be letting dh know my boundaries around that now tbh.

His children being in his home on the days when he usually has them is fair enough, but him swanning off leaving you to 'home educate' isn't.

Adjusting arrangements when one parent needs to work out of the home and one doesn't obviously also fair enough in a pandemic but not with QualityTweetTweet as permanent back up childcare.

I'm guessing that you were at work in spring during first lock down if your maternity leave is recent?

Thanks.

DH has fortunately managed to arrange it with his work so he works from home on the days where they are here so he can drop off/ finish early to pick them up/be here after school. He then goes into the office on the days they aren't and stays later/works through lunch etc... To make up the time.

I'll tell him he'll have to speak to her about it now.

"Hi DC mum, just letting you know in advance that I won't be able to continue doing drops etc in the new year. I really value the fact that we have such a positive relationship but I am finding new motherhood tricky at the moment and need a rest. Please go through DH for any other childcare queries. Thanks so much for your understanding!"

Just say no, the children have 2 parents. You aren't one of them, so not your problem.
They'll use you if you let them, put your big girl pants on and tell them to gtf.

There is no need for her to be contacting you ever.

You were being nice but she is taking advantage so say no

Surely you have other plans.

Stop letting her walk all over you. His children - so he does or she does however they aren't yours and you have a baby soon. Will his ex turn up to change nappies etc...?

Tell her to bog off

Stop replying to her direct messages... she is treating you like a run around and you are stupidly letting her. Stop it or stop complaining one or the other

Surely you have other plans

This is why it's hard because I don't at the moment due to Covid 😂 so I'm actually at home most of the time, usually trying to catch up on sleep I didn't get the night before!

Just say no. CF behaviour right there........
Not your responsibility. You don’t have to explain yourself.

Trying to catch up on sleep IS a plan...

Your DH needs to intervene and say NO on your behalf. He has to show he has your back