To not use my maternity leave for this anymore?

[QualityTweetTweet]

Try to keep it brief. On maternity and have been for a few weeks.

It seems I've become a free for all with DHs ex in terms of being asked to do school runs, and after school childcare.

I don't mind helping out the odd day but it's getting stupid now. I keep being asked last minute on DHs exes days if I'll drop them off/pick them up/have them after school and so on because she's working.

It's like now I'm at home she doesn't need to bother sorting anything out now.

But I'm fucking knackered! And quite frankly I just don't want to do it anymore. They are obviously off now but in the new year I'm just going to say no from now on.

I was saying yes when I could to try and keep relations friendly but I'm sick of it.

Op you nip this now. Or your maternity leave in it's entirety wil shout Free Child Care to her..

You have become her free childcare service.......

Simply state now before they go back that you will not be doing this in the New Year and suggest she contact some childminders/set something up.

to be honest, I can really see both sides.

All childcare arramgements were presumably put in place before covid and AS clubs closing etc, and I think she may well be struggling.

But that is not your fault or your responsibility.

I think your dh needs to sit down with her and talk about it, discuss the difficultites and come up with a plan. Assume no AS club before easter, what is her plan? You are not part of that plan!

I agree with those who say that DH should email her now to say that you'll no longer be available to do childcare for her in the new year, and she should put an alternative in place.

Then you can either block her, or respond to every request with "sorry, I'm not available to do that anymore".

The first rule of Mumsnet;

No is a complete sentence.

Op I see situations like this so frequently on here, i do wonder whether some people were just never taught to say no or put themselves first!

How I would deal with this:

A- Totally ignore any calls/messages from Ex. Even if she turns up on the doorstep with kids in tow, don’t answer. Eventually respond hours later with ‘I was napping, can’t sleep on a night now due to pregnancy so sleeping a lot in the day. Best not to rely on me for any childcare now I’m too close to baby.’

B- ‘Hi X, I’ve been happy to help out on your days but given I’m getting close to baby now and not sleeping on a night I can’t offer any childcare/driving around anymore on your days. You’ll need to make alternative arrangements.’

Not your circus, not your monkeys OP. Let the parents of said children sort out their child care/parenting between them. You have your hands looking after your own child.

I thought pregnant women are supposed to reduce contact due to Covid risk, can you not just say you've been advised by your midwife to stop doing it. I mean you want to reduce risk of infection so that the new siblings can meet when the time comes surely?

I agree you need to say no. However, she is probably a bit stuck if there is no after school club. It's great your dh has been able to rearrange his hours to cover his days but she may not be able to. Add to that lots of other options being out under the rules in lots of places and I can see why she might ask, even if it seems a bit cheeky.

Holyy I day clubs are still operating in most areas until 23rd

That should say “holiday clubs”.

Just say that have a midwife appointment?

You don't need an excuse/explanation, just say no. Or don't answer.
She'll never get her act together if you're always there to fall back on.

If you don't put your foot down this will be carrying on with new baby in tow (I'm assuming you haven't had baby yet) and then you really will be fucking knackered with trying to get baby ready at the drop of a hat to sort the school run. And if DH and ex have set days she should know in advance if she has someone to pick kids up or not.

I wouldn't be so sure there is no childcare available unless you've actually checked. She may be just saving money. At the very least, take a note of the days you've done so you can contact her in 5 years' time for her to reciprocate. She won't want to, of course!

Just say no I’m exhausted with a new baby and this isn’t helping. Cf.

Absolutely not, massive CF! And this is why women get stuck with "the organisational load" - don't take it on, OP. Forward her messages to your DP and get him to respond to them.

Not really, he just tells me to say no. But she messages me directly.

Why not just say no?

Dh has your back, what do you have to lose?

"sorry, that doesn't work for me"

Rinse and repeat.

just say no! tell her now and stop now. the longer it goes on the cheekier she will get!

If you put your phone on dnd then you can also allow calls from select numbers for emergencies. Hers doesn't go on that list.

@QualityTweetTweet

Will speak to DH tonight and tell him he'll need to reply to her from now on.

How did it go?

Are you able to 'not read' her requests, maybe reply with "sorry was busy/ catching up with x y z"