Charity Donations in Lieu of Gift

[SummaLuvin]

AIBU to think that a charity donation in lieu of a gift (unless requested by the recipient) is not really acceptable.

It’s something that irks me, as it seems like a get out because someone is lazy or forgot to buy something, and is more of a gift for the giver as it makes them feel good about it. There is rarely consideration of which charities recipient actually supports. But it would be of course be rude and selfish to say anything, so I smile and seethe in private. Do you think it is an appropriate gift?

I quite like it, but only if people have actually selected a charity or cause they know I support. I really don't like getting "stuff" just for the sake of it as we don't have much storage space, and there are quite a few causes I'm passionate about. There are also a fair few organisations I'm very strongly against though, so it's always best to check.

I got my FIL for secret santa this year and he messaged me asking me to make a donation to his local food bank instead of buying him a gift. I'd already bought him something at that point but made a smaller donation anyway so he didn't feel guilty about receiving something.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

There is rarely consideration of which charities recipient actually supports

This is the biggest issue with it for me.

And me.

Happy for a donation to be made to one of the three I support but money given to other causes isn’t a gift for me not on my behalf, it’s about the person giving wanting to support a charity but not wanting to spend their own money so try and dress it as a gift.

I would rather a charity donation than an unwanted gift. We told my cousin we would like to donate to a charity in her name, and did she have one she would like to support. These are people who do not 'need' anything. And I'm sick of spending money for some frivolous generic gift that only benefits the shops.

It says a lot about society that it's preferable to line the pockets of Amazon than to give to charity. Capitalism at its best. People only find it irksome because we've all been brainwashed to consume.

@changingnamesandkeepingsane

I would rather a charity donation than an unwanted gift. We told my cousin we would like to donate to a charity in her name, and did she have one she would like to support. These are people who do not 'need' anything. And I'm sick of spending money for some frivolous generic gift that only benefits the shops.

It says a lot about society that it's preferable to line the pockets of Amazon than to give to charity. Capitalism at its best. People only find it irksome because we've all been brainwashed to consume.

I agree with this... although I sometimes pair the charity gift with something small and token but thoughtful. I would not expect “stuff” back in return from someone. I try to buy an appropriate charity gift for my children to encourage them to think about Christmas more than just the stuff they get.

I think some people need to learn how to gove presents which benefit the giftee rather than just the shop🙈

Ona serious note. Most gere said the donation instead of a goft isn't the issue itself. It's the donation to different charity than the one recipient would choose.

If someone came and said "I want to do it differently this year and not do presents, which charity do you like so I can donate in your name instead?"
Great.

But "I want to do it differently this year and not do presents, so I donated to my preffered charity in your name instead."
No.

Sorry for typos. Honestly, tf is wrong with me lately🤦

@changingnamesandkeepingsane

I would rather a charity donation than an unwanted gift. We told my cousin we would like to donate to a charity in her name, and did she have one she would like to support. These are people who do not 'need' anything. And I'm sick of spending money for some frivolous generic gift that only benefits the shops.

It says a lot about society that it's preferable to line the pockets of Amazon than to give to charity. Capitalism at its best. People only find it irksome because we've all been brainwashed to consume.

Again, why this idea that unless it's a charity donation it's an unwanted gift? I don't buy for anyone other than close family, and I consider what I buy very carefully. For example, for my BIL a set of handmade espresso cups by a small independent artisan producer. In the past I have ended gift swaps with people as we never knew what to get each other and thought it was best to stop. I'm not 'Capitalism at its best' and 'brainwashed to consume', but I will be blunt enough to say here that if someone is buying me a gift I want something for me. Something to enjoy. A treat. If that makes me selfish so be it, treats are nice.

@SummaLuvin I agree! My workplace said they would be making a charity donation in my name instead of a gift. I replied saying could they give it to X charity that I support and was told no it was going to Y charity. So cheers for the gift then... in general I would’ve preferred a gift to acknowledge a difficult year of work.

Also reminds me of the year my uncle gave us a goat from oxfam. My DSis wouldn’t finish her dinner and my DM said what about all the starving children in Africa and DSIS sulkily replied ‘well we gave them a goat didn’t we’

DH's Aunt regularly gives to a Christian charity as MIL's "gift" that basically funds missions in Africa and is extremely questionable. She still asks MIL for specific presents who for some reason complies...

Employers do this because they get tax relief on the charitable donations. And a bit of good PR as a bonus.

It has naff all to do with altruism.

I would love to get a charity gift donation - goats, donkeys, chickens, cows would make me smile on Christmas Day, or a donation to fund education or business development opportunities or maternity services for women and girls in developing countries.

It's kinder to the environment too, I will save money as I won't have to use public transport to donate an unwanted, unloved gift (which has already been transported halfway round the world) to the charity shop.

I loathe receiving gifts of any kind except charity ones. My side of the family have done it this way for years and it's a blessed relief.

Last year I managed to persuade SIL and PIL that it really was what I wanted and suggested either Good Gifts or Choose Love. SIL got me a voucher for Good Gifts, which felt like a bit of a dig. I'd rather she picked out something rather than just a voucher but some people just really hate them.

Difficult to imagine a charity I'd object to receiving a gift in my name from. Mermaids, or UKIP obviously but I love a goat. I've twinned my parents' toilet for them this year.

@Canwecancel2020

Bought my DH some bull semen for African farmers from the good gifts website, he doesn’t want/need anything and I thought he’d find it funny (he’s a vet and analyses semen for a living)

I take it this goes directly to farmers they don’t send it to you to wrap?

So...
Buy a gift that is thoughtful and lovely and it is clear that the recipient will use, appreciate and enjoy it - fine

Buy a crappy 'generic' gift set that will get shoved in a cupboard/passed onto sit unwanted in a charity shop/regifted to some other unlucky recipient - not fine

Give a charity donation and explain before hand and ask what charity they support or agree not to do gifts at all - fine.

Give a charity donation of givers choosing without considering recipients wishing-- not fine...

It's common sense really. Look at the context. The shops are full of novelty tat though each year which will literally end up in land fill after about 5 mins so clearly people are buying and gifting it for secret Santa's, work colleagues, teachers etc where you maybe don't know the person that well. In these situations surely a charity donation makes sense.

If you are going to give someone a gift, then give them a gift.

If you don’t want to give them a gift then don’t.

But if you want to donate to charity and pretend that it’s a gift to the person you didn’t want to give anything to, then you’re a shite. And if you expect a proper gift back from them, then you’re a double shite.

And I'm sick of spending money for some frivolous generic gift that only benefits the shops

Why were you doing that in the first place?

@User56770987 pretty much. But I would prefer no charity gift at all. In that case I would rather terminate gift exchange with that person entirely and donate what I would have spent of them myself. I am really quite picky with charities so would prefer to be in control of donation in my name, despite best of intentions.

My ex has turned into an anti-vaxer nutcase (not just the covid one, all vaccines give you autism and/or microchip you, sterilise you etc etc) so from DD he got a charity donation to buy 50 malaria vaccines. Was DDs idea and she found it hilarious

Also it was the only way I was spending money on someone who hasn't paid a penny in child support in years. Usually DD gets him a box of maltesers but we both preferred the passive aggressive option this year

@ShinyGreenElephant

My ex has turned into an anti-vaxer nutcase (not just the covid one, all vaccines give you autism and/or microchip you, sterilise you etc etc) so from DD he got a charity donation to buy 50 malaria vaccines. Was DDs idea and she found it hilarious