Page 3 | Charity Donations in Lieu of Gift

SummaLuvin · 2020-12-21T12:03:47+00:00

AIBU to think that a charity donation in lieu of a gift (unless requested by the recipient) is not really acceptable. It’s something that irks me, as it seems like a get out because someone is lazy or forgot to buy something, and is more of a gift for the giver as it makes them feel good about it. There is rarely consideration of which charities recipient actually supports. But it would be of course be rude and selfish to say anything, so I smile and seethe in private. Do you think it is an appropriate gift?

BonnieDundee · 21/12/2020 14:30

I agree. I'm a vegetarian and would hate someone to buy a goat in my name( that would end up being killed for food). I'd be delighted if they paid for toilet facilities for a school or sponsor a.childs schooling on the other hand.

ThePants999 · 21/12/2020 14:32

I like it as long as they've clearly put thought into what cause I'd want to see supported, not just donated to their own favourite.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/12/2020 14:33

I was specifically referring to the implication that people buy charity gifts for their own benefit and don't think about the receiver. It's quite patently not true.

The fact that you don't do it like that doesn't mean that everyone gives proper thought to it.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/12/2020 14:33

@goteam thanks!

VanGoghsDog · 21/12/2020 14:38

Oh, and I didn't "buy them a football" (what would a 30 year old man want with a football?) - I donated ten footballs via Unicef to an African village. You get a certificate with the recipient's name on, so you can see the donation was made and what it was for.

VanGoghsDog · 21/12/2020 14:40

The fact that you don't do it like that doesn't mean that everyone gives proper thought to it.

I didn't say it did.

I was responding to the claim that it is practically always done with no thought. My experience is entirely the opposite and I gave an example to support my experience.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 21/12/2020 14:40

As you say i would only give a charity donation in someones name if they asked specifically for that.....however i am quite lazy with cards so do donate to charity instead of cards that will go in the bin on boxing day

goteam · 21/12/2020 14:53

@HotSince63 that's so rude. The friend in my first example who got me a tree planted for a wildlife charity for my 40th got married the year previously. Did she ask for a donation to said charity in her name in lieu of wedding presents? Nope. There was a John Lewis wedding list with lots of pricey items on it. Its rarely the charity gift giver who forges their own gifts.

thecatneuterer · 21/12/2020 14:56

@BonnieDundee

I agree. I'm a vegetarian and would hate someone to buy a goat in my name( that would end up being killed for food). I'd be delighted if they paid for toilet facilities for a school or sponsor a.childs schooling on the other hand.

Exactly. I would be distressed beyond words by that. Also a donation in my name to medical research (which normally involves causing animals harm). But a donation to 'my' charity, or to a limited number of similar ones, would be the best gift I could be given (and it's what I ask for if anyone ever asks what I'd like).

YorkshireIndie · 21/12/2020 15:01

DH and I have given his father and partner sea gloves for the RNLI because they are keen sailors and because every year we get given a list of what not to buy them. It is win win - supporting something they might benefit from and also not having to navigate their complicated list

Boulshired · 21/12/2020 15:06

I ask for a few family/friends to give to the local food bank instead of a gift. Mainly as they are skint, I can then give them supermarket vouchers at an expensive time of year and they can give what they can afford or not at all and I non the wiser. When it comes to giving friends charity gift then it’s time for a non gift agreement. I rather pick my own charity.

goteam · 21/12/2020 15:15

@YorkshireIndie we do similar. We buy gifts directly from charities like RNLI (and our kids' wellies) and online through Traidcraft (part of Oxfam) other fair trade manufacturers like People Tree etc and that way we are supporting in a sustainable and direct way and also giving the recipient a gift they will like (hopefully). Again, win win. Also gifts we buy tend to be from small makers and to us, this is important. Somebody getting me a fair trade bracelet or similar from a small supplier is more thoughtful than a charity donation to a huge charity unless I have specifically asked for that.

User56770987 · 21/12/2020 15:17

Are people really miffed that they are missing out on a bubble bath set and a homeless person is getting a hot meal instead.

No wonder the world is such a mess. People are so grabby, selfish, materialistic and self obsessed. No wonder the environment is on it's knees. The greed in this country is obscene. Take a look around and see the inequalities there are. Really, really depressing.

Thighdentitycrisis · 21/12/2020 15:19

My Dsis and I agree to buy one gift new and another from a charity shop. Fo example a nice bottle of whisky and two nice tumblers from charity shop, for her an old shabby chic serving tureen with a lid and filled with organic toiletries she likes. If they like the charity shop gift they can keep it and I have donated, if they don’t like it they can give to a charity shop of their choice

Jangle33 · 21/12/2020 15:22

Honestly my view is that except for family why bother with friends for presents at all? If you an afford it you’d just buy what you want for yourself? Give to charity liberally f you can afford but don’t make a song and dance about it. Everyone’s got too much stuff already...!

Canwecancel2020 · 21/12/2020 15:24

Bought my DH some bull semen for African farmers from the good gifts website, he doesn’t want/need anything and I thought he’d find it funny (he’s a vet and analyses semen for a living)

Cameleongirl · 21/12/2020 15:27

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag

I also find them useful for people overseas. I'm an Australian in the UK and I could spend money sending my family something heavy that they might not enjoy or I could buy a goat for a widow in Somalia or a sleeping bag and blanket for a refugee in Greece.

We’ve done the same for relatives living abroad. It takes weeks and costs a bomb to send them parcels so we agreed a while ago that a charitable donation was a good compromise. We do ask them which charities they’d like us to support so it’s something they feel strongly about.

squeekums · 21/12/2020 15:33

im with you op, not a charity gift fan
its lazy and anyway, so what if i like gifts
i dont need celebrations moralized

Original poster

SummaLuvin · 21/12/2020 15:33

Lol why do some people think the only options are charity donation OR a crappy gift like an unwanted bath set? The other choice is to actually put thought and consideration into what the person you are buying for would really love. It's the care and attention that really makes it special, not £ spent. Looking at you @LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag and @User56770987

OP posts:

goteam · 21/12/2020 15:39

Exactly @SummaLuvin

HeckyPeck · 21/12/2020 15:48

@User56770987

Are people really miffed that they are missing out on a bubble bath set and a homeless person is getting a hot meal instead.

No wonder the world is such a mess. People are so grabby, selfish, materialistic and self obsessed. No wonder the environment is on it's knees. The greed in this country is obscene. Take a look around and see the inequalities there are. Really, really depressing.

This!

HeckyPeck · 21/12/2020 15:51

Give to charity liberally f you can afford but don’t make a song and dance about it.

As someone who volunteers for a charity people making a song and dance about donations almost always coincides with an uptick in donations.

So everyone please go ahead and make a song and dance about your donations!

HotSince63 · 21/12/2020 15:59

Are people really miffed that they are missing out on a bubble bath set

Yes. I'd rather have a bubble bath set that I can pass on to a charity shop or woman's shelter of my choosing, than an Oxfam goat.

Original poster

SummaLuvin · 21/12/2020 16:01

@HeckyPeck Grabby and greedy? Not really. I know what I do privately and don't need to share it publicly.

If someone approached me and said they were planning on donating on my behalf I would suggest stopping gift exchange and instead each of us choose to donate that money to whatever we want. For example, I hate those stuffed toys that are popular with many animal charities. I would much prefer 100% of my donation go to the charity rather than a portion have to be diverted to cover costs of production of such things.

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LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag · 21/12/2020 16:05

The other choice is to actually put thought and consideration into what the person you are buying for would really love. It's the care and attention that really makes it special, not £ spent. Looking at you @LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag**

I'm an artist so I spend hours every November and December creating individual gifts for friends and family tailored to their hobbies/likes/family/interests. I also buy gifts that I know someone will like, especially if I can get it directly from the artist either via a local fair or etsy. On top of that I also bake biscuits or cakes where they're appropriate. So in fact I can give thoughtful and appropriate gifts as well as thoughtful and appropriate charity gifts. Sometimes even at the same time!