Or is my boyfriend a miserable ......?

[pollyputthekettleonn]

There is me and my boyfriend and 5 year son for Xmas.
He is so tight.
Xmas eve I look to do a buffet for us (normally a few family too but not this year )
Anyway I went to Tesco yesterday and spent £40 on nibbles and party food.
The day before M&S and spent £40 too but that includes food for Xmas day /Boxing Day.
Altogether for us for Xmas including turkey /sweets etc £100 (give or take a few pound)
Came home excited to show him and he just said
"What did you buy that for?"
I replied for Christmas
"Well why all we need is a ham sandwich "
I say it's Christmas and I enjoy our little buffet
He said "well all that's for you too,not me"
I said "why? You like those things don't you"
He said "yes but I don't want them"
I said "ok well what do you want?"
He said "a ham sandwich"
So I got a bit annoyed and said "well you sit there Xmas eve with your ham sandwich and we will eat what we want"
Bare in mind he hasn't paid for a thing,it's my money that bought the lot,he has money but he hates spending it.
Aibu to think he's a miserable sod?
Oh and in M&S you get 3 packs of meats for £7 and he goes "why not just get 1 pack"
1 pack of ham for 3 of us for all over Christmas !!!!

No, @Sn0tnose, he has specifically said

He said "well all that's for you too,not me

He's not trying to change what anybody else does, and more than OP is. Neither of them likes the other's stance, and that's what they're expressing. They both need to stop micromanaging each other.

I had a ‘friend plus’ who thought a coffee out was a waste of money (my money) and totally sucked my small joy out of it, every single time - it wasn’t an issue not to do this with him really, but his comments about my own use of my own cash got infuriating, though not as much as his own opinions on coffee shops (and everything else to be honest) always being ‘right’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ - if you can just tell him to shut up and still enjoy your treats then just do that - if it drifts into a lot of areas and steals a lot of joy you need to have a chat to find a compromise if you can - enjoy Xmas though xx

We're all entitled to get grumpy. 100 pounds for 3 is expensive for 3 days imo.
Surely the best thing would have been to discuss what he and you both wanted food wise and have a budget. It's a tough time. He ciyjd be worried about the finances. If he only eats a ham sandwich that's his call, he's an adult.

@Eckhart - she did mention earlier that he helps himself to the food she buys.

Surely if he was that bothered about it and that was his stance for the whole thing, he would just stick to his ham sandwich and let the rest of his family get on with it.

To me he just sounds beyond miserable and it just sounds like he doesn't want to spend his money but will happily eat away what you've bought. I know it sounds petty but I would be making sure he has none of it.

OP spent her money on the food.

Her boyfriend will eat it he always does according to OP.

The boyfriend is not financially contributing to the food.

The boyfriend is a miserable tightwad and OP ensure he gets none of the food you’ve bought for the buffet. He can stick Togo’s ham sandwich as he has said he wants. If he tries to eat any of the buffet food ask him for the money for it first.

Op, how generous is is with his time for you and your ds? How generous is he with his gifts for ds? Has he bought anything himself? How thoughtful are your gifts from him usually?

He can eat his ham sandwich but what he can’t do is tell you what to spend your money on, openly disapprove and then eat the food anyway.

I would enjoy your buffet whilst he sits with his ham sandwich. They’d be no way he’d be eating any of the food unless he apologised.

I would struggle to live with someone so tight who tried to suck the joy out of the things I liked.

He is miserable.

People like that drag you down - my lovely aunt is married to own such arsehole

*one

I hope you and your son enjoy your Christmas Eve buffet OP. We’re doing the same.

This sounds more like a way of getting out of contributing to the joint costs of Christmas, than an active dislike of eating nice things at a time of celebration.

He sounds mean and financially controlling. Personally I couldn't be with someone like this as it sounds completely joyless and who needs that.

"He has always been tight,even sharing the cost of a takeaway when we first met to the last penny."

Well at least you knew what you were getting into!

Make sure he buys in his food for him if he doesn't want what you've got!

@AaronPurr

I don't think he's being miserable. If he doesn't want a buffet and is happy with a ham sandwich then I see nothing wrong with that. He isn't stopping you and your son from enjoying the buffet.

Except he'll probably sit there with a face like a slapped arse, asking the OP why she's bought this and why is she eating that

He's an absolute joyless so-and-so. Does he enjoy anything?

Meanness is so off-putting. Its not just about about money it's a lack of genirosity and care. It's also about him spoiling everything. You can't even do a nice little Christmas eve buffet without him complaining. What is pleasant about him?

@BadBear

Eckhart - she did mention earlier that he helps himself to the food she buys

Oh FFS. I'd not seen that. Discount everything I said!

I just love Christmas Eve(my birthday too) new pjs,all cosy,nice food,Christmas films then Christmas songs before bed with a snowball (my nanas fav )
He's tight with everything.
He would rather sit with 20 jumpers on than put the heating on.
He's mum is the same so I think it's all he knows.
I don't live beyond my means and I save so I can treat us to nice things at Xmas.
I know a lot of the party food is just packaging but it's only once a year and it's my fav time of year.

I've just popped back to M&S and bought a Rodney reindeer cheesecake for £10 ..
Gonna have to hide that aren't I 🤣🤣

Oh he will be tucking in too don't worry.

Yes! He can have some rich tea biscuits from 1987 instead..

@Eckhart - I'm all up for sharing my food but if someone judges me for buying it and then goes on to eat it anyway, they're in trouble!

Seriously don't let him eat any of it. Lay it out for you and your DD and when he goes to eat some stop him and point to the ham and the bread bin. Make lots of loud mmmm noises whilst you're eating your nice food too.

Yes I’m sorry but tightness is such an unattractive quality and I would get rid! My ex fiance from years ago was horrendously tight. It was not what ultimately ended the relationship, but it definitely was at the back of my mind when I finished with him.

I remember back in the early days of our relationship before we left together and we were both living with our parents (I was about 25), My parents went on holiday and I invited him to stay over for the week. I paid for our food shop, inc a full roast, and a meal out. He had the audacity to ask if I had accidentally used some of his shampoo! because he had gone to have a shower and the bottle felt a bit lighter! that is just one of many incidences I could tell you about. Men like that never change, they get worse.

Please update us on xmas day and tell us if he ate the buffet food, or stuck to his ham sandwich! FYI yes he is being tight, and nit thinking of what the while family would like to eat during that one special time of the year.

...Sorry that should say "lived" together!

Oh he will be tucking in too don't worry.

Tell him no! He doesn’t get to be horrible to you about it then enjoy it himself. Don’t allow it to happen. If he disapproves then he either needs to stick with that or apologise and offer you some money.