Or is my boyfriend a miserable ......?

[pollyputthekettleonn]

There is me and my boyfriend and 5 year son for Xmas.
He is so tight.
Xmas eve I look to do a buffet for us (normally a few family too but not this year )
Anyway I went to Tesco yesterday and spent £40 on nibbles and party food.
The day before M&S and spent £40 too but that includes food for Xmas day /Boxing Day.
Altogether for us for Xmas including turkey /sweets etc £100 (give or take a few pound)
Came home excited to show him and he just said
"What did you buy that for?"
I replied for Christmas
"Well why all we need is a ham sandwich "
I say it's Christmas and I enjoy our little buffet
He said "well all that's for you too,not me"
I said "why? You like those things don't you"
He said "yes but I don't want them"
I said "ok well what do you want?"
He said "a ham sandwich"
So I got a bit annoyed and said "well you sit there Xmas eve with your ham sandwich and we will eat what we want"
Bare in mind he hasn't paid for a thing,it's my money that bought the lot,he has money but he hates spending it.
Aibu to think he's a miserable sod?
Oh and in M&S you get 3 packs of meats for £7 and he goes "why not just get 1 pack"
1 pack of ham for 3 of us for all over Christmas !!!!

Why would you let him eat ANY of what you have bought? And just continue to put up with this? How about no you joy sucking self centred twat. You chose to give me shit for buying this, don’t you bloody dare eat any. I want our child to enjoy Christmas and feel like it’s a celebration, if you want to be part of that there are two rules, don’t be a criticisIng twat and contribute instead of being a miserable tightwad who doesn’t love their child or me enough to want us to enjoy Christmas. Because he doesn’t.

Do you normally share food costs? Why not work out your food budget for the month and get him to pay half?

Well he sounds miserable to me - but he probably has a different set of values to me. Problem is it also sounds like he has a different set of values to you? If it’s only C’mas lunch you feel differently about that might be fine, but otherwise you might want to sit down and have a chat about values and compromise in a relationship, otherwise this might be a very tiring situation to be in.

Whether he's a miserable git or not is not the issue, nor is the opinion of him of a bunch of strangers on the internet. He's allowed to be as git or not-git as he wants, unless he's actually harming somebody. He doesn't have to change what he wants to eat because of what you want.

It just drives me mad as Christmas for me has always been the time of year when you treat yourself

This is the issue. He is being himself, and you don't like it. And you're looking for back-up and validation from MN about how you're right to not like it.

Let the poor guy have his ham sandwich and stop micromanaging.

He's not just tight, he's controlling. That's the bigger issue. He tries to make you suffer, whilst he enjoys the fruits of your labour. If he doesn't contribute to the food, tell him that he will be shopping and cooking for himself going forward. Make sure you only prepare for you and your son and ignore the abusive, hypocritical twat.

I think being tight is a horrible trait for anyone TBH. Usually they dont change ,but get worse as they get older! Maybe rethink this one?

I think his response was uncalled for but is he struggling with restrictions and change of routine and just not able to muster any Xmas spirit this year? My mental health has suffered terribly and I feel so bah humbug I have surprised myself, as Xmas is normally my most favourite time of year. The only reason I am still bothering is because I have bought everything and I hate waste. I do know a few people who are not bothering and treating it like any other day. We just need to be a little kinder to each other and accept we are coping or not coping differently with this shit show of a year and if he is struggling don't force him. Just enjoy yourself and if he wants to join in he can. No point arguing and creating an atmosphere, as that will upset your young child. Be the bigger person and celebrate to your hearts content with your DC

This made me giggle a bit !
My husband is not right at all in fact he’s very generous!!
But every year at Xmas he can’t quiet fathom the extra food treats hahahaha I ignore him and buy away anyway with his money 😂😂😂
I think it’s just because he doesn’t like eating crap all throu Xmas and he says supermarkets are not closing for 2 weeks which he has a point I just like to stock up so I have plenty it inbred in people I think !
Don’t worry about it if u have a great relationship other than this I wouldn’t worry xxx

I’m not tight, but I would consider £40 on nibble stuff for a buffet for one day for 2 adults and a young child to be a complete and utter waste of money 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s not the £40 amount (I’d spend that on what I considered decent food) but I think shop “Xmas” buffet packs - like the mini-pies you mention - are dreadful value and not that nice. I’m partial to mini Chicken Kiev balls though - so I’m not a food snob 🤣 Just find most packaged buffet stuff rubbish.

So I don’t think he’s miserable if he thinks it’s bad value.

However, I do think - your money, your choice. If it makes you feel treated, that’s your business - not his. I’d be telling him to fuck off.

@pollyputthekettleonn

He's not,well about £2000 a month but obviously our bills are split. He has always been tight,even sharing the cost of a takeaway when we first met to the last penny. It just drives me mad as Christmas for me has always been the time of year when you treat yourself.

This really would have put me off him!

Well he sounds like a joyless bastard.

So you know he’s going to be eating it any way.

His little ‘I only want a ham sandwich’ routine is to ensure you don’t a ask him to pay for what he will be eating.

Make only enough for your and your son tell him not to touch anything that’s still in the fridge as you’ll be eating it for snacks for yourself and your son as he really doesn’t want it and you don’t want to make him eat it.

Sharpie your initials on every buffet item and keep an inventory on the fridge door which you cross off and sign so you know he hasn't snaffled any.

If he was just your boyfriend as opposed to the father of your child who lives with you, I'd suggest you ditch him as your financial outlooks are too different. But you've chosen to make a life with him, despite him being very clear from the outset that he's erm, careful with money, so I guess you have to suck it up and have a whinge on here every now and then 🤷‍♀️.

Tightness is such an unattractive quality

This. He does sound miserable, OP.

It's fine for him to want a ham sandwich, that's his choice. But to begrudge you and your DS a nice meal on Christmas Eve and kick up a fuss because of how much of your money you've spent on it is another matter.

God OP he sounds awful. Life is too short to quibble about a fucking Christmas buffet.

A ham sandwich on Christmas Eve? Trying to scrimp on presents for his only son? Sharing the cost down to the penny after a child?

Fuck that. What a miserable life - you deserve better.

if instead of a buffet of not very much it was £40 on wine the boyfriend didn't drink, would that also be miserly to not split the cost?

me and other half share the shopping costs but if its mostly beer/wine for him, then he would pay for that.

He is a miserable tight wad,

I would find this very unattractive.

What a miserable, tight fun sponge.

You’re doing you best to make Christmas fun and “an event” even in the limited circumstances and he’s trying to wreck it.

@burnoutbabe

if instead of a buffet of not very much it was £40 on wine the boyfriend didn't drink, would that also be miserly to not split the cost?

me and other half share the shopping costs but if its mostly beer/wine for him, then he would pay for that.

Whitby he’ll be eating it too. OP says he normally does.

Maybe he could go and share a supermarket pizza with the other miserable sod that was posted about this weekend.

But not Whitby

I couldn't be with someone tight. It's a really unattractive quality.

How about no you joy sucking self centred twat

Wish I'd tried that line on my XH who was just like this, always complaining that I'd 'gone over the top' and making a fuss about everything. Its so much more fun not having to pussy foot around his outbursts.

I've just picked up a hundred quids worth of tapas, salad, cheese and party food for me and 16yo DD. I have every intention of living on buffet food and not cooking for the entire 12 days of Christmas!

I hope you haven't gone to much trouble or expense with his presents OP. You might as well treat yourself.

This is the issue. He is being himself, and you don't like it. And you're looking for back-up and validation from MN about how you're right to not like it...Let the poor guy have his ham sandwich and stop micromanaging.

If he just wanted to be left in peace to eat his ham sandwich, then fair enough. But he’s not. He’s complaining that she’s bought too much for their child, he’s complaining that she’s spent too much on food and is saying that all ‘we’ need is a ham sandwich. She’s not demanding he give up his sandwich, she’s not demanding that he go out and buy anything, she’s not asking for a penny off him to pay for it. She is right not to like it. Apart from it being an incredibly unattractive trait, he’s trying to change her habits to the habits he prefers. The only attempt I see at micro managing is coming from him.