Friend and NYE Plans

[Cameleongirl]

My friend has put me on the spot re. NYE and I need some advice on how to handle this diplomatically without being unkind.
I’m not in the U.K. so under different rules about households mixing. We’re still supposed to be careful though and most people I know are planning a night at home, probably play a board game, Zoom with a few people and have a laugh.

Now a friend’s phoned me and said that her DC might be at her ex’s ( although her eldest may refuse to go) and what about getting together on NYE? The problem is that my teenagers
don’t like her and will be upset if she cones over. DH gets along with her and I don’t want to be unkind...I don’t think she realizes that my children don’t like her as they’re always polite! The worst scenario will be if her eldest does go to her Dad’s and she’s on her own- being on my own wouldn’t bother me personally, but I think she’ll be upset and I’d feel awful too.

What should I do, wise ones?!

Unless she’s really awful to your teens I think they should suck it up. Why don’t they like her? What’s the back story?

Why don’t they like her? If her child stays with her will she still want to come and how much notice will you have?

I think you have to prioritise your children unless you feel they’re being very unfair in taking against her. It’s their home too and their NYE.

If you don’t want to have her over then say you all need a quiet one and are following the guidelines by not seeing people. That’s perfectly diplomatic.

If you're not really supposed to mix and your kids don't like her I would just make excuses. She will surely have other people she can ask too and if you say you can't then she will have time to make other plans. I would just say you don't feel confortable hosting anyone inside.

Like others why don't your dc like her? My parents had absolute twats of friends who would come over for dinner/drinks etc, and were just so rude and condescending with the ridiculous oneupmanship about their similar aged children!

Not to sound like a Victorian governess but my mind is boggled at the idea of a mum taking into account her teenage children’s dislike of a friend she wants to invite round.

@upsidedownwavylegs. Well, I had no intention of inviting anyone over until she put me on the spot!
We’re still allowed small gathering here, but I wasn’t planning to have anyone over on NYE and most people I know aren’t either.

The reason my teens don’t like her is because she’s bossy and quite opinionated- but I can see how intelligent and funny she is as well. She’s outgoing and has loads of friends, but she can also have big fallings out with people, I’ve witnessed it a few times. The turning point for my children was when we went on a mini-break together last year ( just the Mums and our children). She was pretty difficult and had to have everything her way- my children haven’t liked her since. She and I are fine having a coffee together or mixing at a social gathering.

We used to be closer, but now she’s a friend I keep at an amicable distance, IYSWIM.

On light of your update I think it’s fair enough to say you won’t be having any get togethers

@Mycircusmymonkey. I just hate to think of her unhappy on her own. This has been such a crap year for everyone. ☹️

I dont really care how "bossy" she is - your kids dont tell you who you can have in your house.

Considering you apparently let them dictate your life I actually doubt shes bossy at all

You are going to let your friend who you really care about spend NYE alone because your children arent massive fans? Come on...

upsidedownwavylegs-ha great comment

OP-what do you want? I get your friend wants to come round AND that your teenagers won’t want her to, but WHAT do you want?

Can't you go over to hers?

@CrotchBurn. Really? I wasn’t intending to invite ANYONE over and now she’s suggesting she comes over. You don’t think that’s bossy? I’ve never invited myself over to someone’s house on NYE!

No I don't think it's bossy. It's a suggestion. You can take it or leave it. Is she from a different culture where people might be more direct?

A close friend suggesting she come to my house for NYE? No I dont actually find that bossy.

But it sounds like YOU dont want her to come, nevermind the kids, so dont.

Just say no, spend the evening with your family.

I don’t think suggesting she comes for New Years is “bossy”. If you don’t want her there just say no it’s fine you’re not obliged to

Does she want to join your nye celebrations or dictate them though and that's your DCs expectation given the holiday where she did this?

Tell her you can do zoom drinks for an hour?

If she’s got loads of friends just say no and she can see one of them.

She's a friend you "keep at an amicable distance" says , to me, you would prefer it if she didn't come to you.

Don't beat yourself up.

Let her know ASAP that she's not coming to you then she can sound out someone else for an invite.

Tell her that doesn't work for you... the end.

I wouldn't agree to NYE during the time we are living in. So make plans to phone her or something. Unless you actually want her to come over? You don't seem to and you don't have to.

Just say no, it's family only - perfect excuse this year.
As for her being 'unhappy' - it's New Year's Eve, one meaningless evening of bad telly, how unhappy can a grown woman get!
She sounds a pain - and your children will retreat to their rooms if she comes.

I wouldn’t have her over because it’s not worth the risk and I wouldn’t want to have to wear a mask all evening.