Friend and NYE Plans

[Cameleongirl]

My friend has put me on the spot re. NYE and I need some advice on how to handle this diplomatically without being unkind.
I’m not in the U.K. so under different rules about households mixing. We’re still supposed to be careful though and most people I know are planning a night at home, probably play a board game, Zoom with a few people and have a laugh.

Now a friend’s phoned me and said that her DC might be at her ex’s ( although her eldest may refuse to go) and what about getting together on NYE? The problem is that my teenagers
don’t like her and will be upset if she cones over. DH gets along with her and I don’t want to be unkind...I don’t think she realizes that my children don’t like her as they’re always polite! The worst scenario will be if her eldest does go to her Dad’s and she’s on her own- being on my own wouldn’t bother me personally, but I think she’ll be upset and I’d feel awful too.

What should I do, wise ones?!

But yeah, in general, I would find it really strange for a parent to make social plans on that basis. My mum would have had a pretty lonely few decades if she had taken into account which of her friends me and my siblings found to be pains in the arse when choosing who to hang out with. Not that she was asking for our opinions, and nor should she have.

But again, neither I or anyone else has suggested the OP should choose her friends on the basis of whether her kids like them. However, when she has already earmarked time to spend with her children, I would find it very odd that she chose to invite someone they actively dislike to join them. There are 364 other days in the year she could spend time with this friend.

any ideas for popping round should be cancelled now anyway OP.. right

@BlueThistles. I’m not in the UK so can still legally meet people inside- but it’s strongly advised not to. No one I know is doing it.

I would invite her.

Apparently I was being "a moody teenager" and "rude" when I didn't like my parents friends. Despite saying I thought "they were weird" and "I didn't like the way Bob looked at me". I really wish they'd listened. I found out years later he was accused of abusing their kids teenage babysitter. Mum couldn't believe it. I could.

I can't believe people still don't take in to consideration their kids feelings when having people in their home. Would you make them have a classmate over who they described as bossy? What about if they don't like your partner?

And it's totally different having someone they dislike round for coffee of an afternoon to spending New Year's eve with someone.

Just say "Sorry we're having a quiet night in by ourselves" and leave it at that. It's the sensible thing to do and you kids will be grateful.

[quote Cameleongirl]@BlueThistles. I’m not in the UK so can still legally meet people inside- but it’s strongly advised not to. No one I know is doing it.[/quote]

Good..

I'm not in the UK either right now.. we're having a quiet one too despite everything being open and actually very calm here 🌺

Just tell her you had planned a quiet family only evening. But you’d love to catch up with her for drinks or coffee in the new year.

Honestly if it’s this much drama now it’s not worth it.

Could you tell her that you decided to have a quiet evening and not to invite anyone and you have to stick to it because your teens asked to invite a friend or your DH wanted to invite his cousin (or whoever is most suitable for this story) and you‘ve said “no” so now you can’t change rules for her.

Can't your teenagers politely say hi and make small-talk for a few minutes and then piss off to their rooms, leaving you and your friend to catch up.

They could maybe emerge just before midnight and see in the New Year, with a glass of champagne if you're a family who allow teenagers alcohol.

Obviously this is a non-starter if they will feel they're being banished from their own living room. But if they're the sort of teenager who quite happily entertains themselves away from their parents, this could be win-win. Especially if they've got video games or some new gadgets for Christmas.

@BadLad. It’s a moot point now as we’re not doing it, thank goodness, My friend does have family close by as well- she just falls out with them all the time. I don’t tend to fall out with people in the same way so I suppose I’m a “go-to” person.
Here’s to a more normal 2021!