Don’t think I’m even getting a Christmas Card

[LondonMiss]

Even though I have known my partner for a long time, this is our first official Christmas together. I know the world is crazy right now and this is a 3rd world problem.
I get the feeling I will be lucky at card and really don’t know how I’m going to hold the emotions back, I was going to spend the day with him but as he’s said no presents and he "doesn't do cards" oh and no decorations and he’s not interested in dinner, if I’m honest he will probably just be drinking all day.
I have asked my mum if I could still go to them and she was very excited.
I don’t know how I’m going not cry when people ask what he got me, I guess what upsets me even more is that money is no object if he was broke or out of work ect I would totally understand.
Do I return the gifts I have bought?

What an old Scrooge, he sounds like a completely joyless bastard who would suck the fun out of anything. I’d return his gifts and return him too.

Drinking all day, what a charmer.

I'm less bothered at the lack of gifts and card and more at the fact that he's choosing to pass up a meal on Xmas day because he wants to drink all day? Have I heard that right?

This man is a mean, joyless alcoholic. What on earth are you doing with him?

@LondonMiss - that's bad form to change the goalposts at this point. If he's only interested in how he wants to celebrate Christmas then you're better off at your mum's and breaking off the relationship.

Dump him. Honestly, dump him.

Is it possible that he is saying no gifts intending to surprise you ?

If you agree no gifts I don’t think you can really complain about not gifts and I would definitely return what you have got him. But it is a pretty miserable stance for a new relationship, so is the lack of card giving at this stage.

We haven’t swapped cards for years, but we always did in the early years. We buy smallish presents for each other now, maybe half a dozen items and we enjoy opening presents. I would be sad to be with somebody so bah humbug about Christmas.

Dump him, then book yourself some sessions with a life coach or therapist to work on your self esteem and knowledge of self worth in the new year as a present to yourself.

Definitely send his gifts back. Even if he has bought you something (which I doubt), it gives him a lesson to be clear about these things.

Please don't tell me you made a fuss of him on his birthday and he was crap with yours?

Go to your mum's early and don't even text him happy xmas.

You're not compatible.

This relationship won't make you happy as every Christmas and birthday you'll feel sad when you should be having a nice time.

Yes return the gifts but YABU.

I agree with everyone he sounds no fun to be with and he's not going to change so you should probably re-evaluate your relationship and go to your mums (not impressed with the drinking all day!).

However to be fair you did agree to no gifts without telling him this was upsetting you. You then went and bought a load of gifts he said he didn't want. Now you're upset he didn't get you anything? You need to be clearer in your communication whoever you end up with as a life partner or you will spend your life being perpetually let down. In my experience men tend not to look too closely at the hidden messages you may think are very clear but take your words at face value. That may just be my husband though. 🤣🤣🤣

When they ask what you got just tell them you dumped him.

You have the perfect opportunity to dump and run back to your own home. Imagine what Christmas would be like with children? No tree, presents, nice food and a drunken loser not eating all day so he can get blind drunk.

2021 could be a new start for you and you're in a better situation than most as you have your own house.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

@LondonMiss God he sounds vile. Doesn't do gifts or cards, doesn't want to celebrate Christmas, doesn't like decorations, doesn't want Christmas dinner!

Probably doesn't do nappy changing, the school run, or 'womans work' either, and I bet he doesn't want to pool finances.

I have encountered men like this before. Vile, selfish, arseholes. FFS woman you deserve better. Dump his ass! And do NOT give him anything. And he is a bit of a drinker too?! Red flags flying everywhere!

Also, I have known a few women who are with men who 'don't do Christmas' and won't have a single decoration in the house, and definitely NO TREE. I mean, she wants one, but it's HIS WISHES that trump hers. Men who hate Christmas, and gift giving etc, are almost always miserable anti-social, selfish fuckers.

I am really sorry for you by the way. I hope you can find someone better. And I agree with pps that you should fuck him off and go to your mothers. And PLEASE dump him!

What a Scrooge so what if he doesn't want it he should at least make the effort if you do!

I can sort of see why you've done it, as I've been in a relationship where I've been manipulated and gone along with things I wouldn't ordinarily agree to, but why have you said no to gifts and then bought him gifts and got upset when he has stuck to original agreement and not bought any?

This is not the man for you op and it is making you miserable and change yourself in ways you are not comfortable with.

They are not signs of a healthy relationship, its controlling and manipulative and it clearly isn't right for you. Move on now whilst its early days and you still can.
Make 2021 new year and new start without the dead weight that is your oh so not very lovely bf

There isn’t anything wrong with agreeing on no gifts but to be misery about the whole day and just spend it drinking and putting a downer on everything is something else.
It’s all about him and how miserable he can make you.
You deserve better op.

He is so shite.

Where is your self esteem woman? Why are you pleased to be with someone so dire?

As always, the standard warning: don't get pregnant, he'll ruin your entire life and those of the children.

Fuck giving him anything and give yourself the best present ever.

A new start.

Get rid.

OP you can do so much better!! Dump him, spend Christmas with your mum and then work on your self esteem in the new year so you pick better next time!

And please don’t stay with him to avoid upsetting your mum! She will want you to be happy and he clearly doesn’t make you happy so she should be helping you get away from him!

@OppsUpsSide

YABU not to dump his sorry arse

This and dump him today.. not tomorrow TODAY

I think YABU to agree not to exchange gifts and then complain he doesn't buy a gift

And loads of people on MN disagree with Christmas cards on environmental grounds

But it's a big red flag he wants to drink all day and doesn't want to see you

It's not about the presents though. Its about selfishness and a lack of consideration. I guess starting anew must feel scary and nobody wants sadness at Christmas but I think you do need to ask yourself what you gain from the relationship and whether it makes you happy. I suspect your mother would be fully supportive of you getting rid of someone mean spirited.

He sounds vile. You deserve better, you sound lovely!!