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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t think I’m even getting a Christmas Card

109 replies

LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 21:32

Even though I have known my partner for a long time, this is our first official Christmas together. I know the world is crazy right now and this is a 3rd world problem.
I get the feeling I will be lucky at card and really don’t know how I’m going to hold the emotions back, I was going to spend the day with him but as he’s said no presents and he "doesn't do cards" oh and no decorations and he’s not interested in dinner, if I’m honest he will probably just be drinking all day.
I have asked my mum if I could still go to them and she was very excited.
I don’t know how I’m going not cry when people ask what he got me, I guess what upsets me even more is that money is no object if he was broke or out of work ect I would totally understand.
Do I return the gifts I have bought?

OP posts:
christmasathomeagain · 20/12/2020 22:04

@TaccyToo

Send him back never mind the gifts.

DH 'doesnt do cards'. We actually have a tradition on birthdays that we get each other a card that's for anything but birthdays because the one time he tried, he ended up getting me an anniversary card for my birthday and having to scribble out anniversary 🤦‍♀️

But he'd always get me a gift or just something. It's about making the effort for the other person and just showing you care.

Ha ha, it was our wedding anniversary last week. Dh's glasses were steamed up so he took them off and managed to buy me a Christmas card instead of an anniversary card 😂

Op, I personally couldn't be with someone who did 'do' Christmas. If you are both on the same page of not celebrating in the same way then I can't see how the relationship would work long term.,

Original poster
LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 22:06

If he eats a dinner he won’t be able to drink as well, he likes a good drink but as he self employed he cant do it that often.
Christmas was planned as a meal ect and he would do some decorations as his family would come to his house but him and his dad fell out a few weeks ago so everything changed. I did get a lovely gift from his mum at least!
@elsieloise13 We actually said no big gifts, it wasn't until other Christmas cards arrived that it was clear he actually meant absolutely nothing not even a card.

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 20/12/2020 22:08

I think if your DP is going to make you want to cry on your 1st Christmas together that is a big issue.

The problem is you say you agreed no presents. So why did you get him presents or had you already got them? You can't be upset if he doesn't get you a present if you agreed to it. You say he doesn't want to swap cards, have decorations or have Christmas dinner. Did you agree to that to? Or did you state you would like those things and he ignored your wishes? What was his reaction when you said you were going to go to your mum's instead?

All in all it seems you are at best not very compatible or at worst that he ignores your wishes and needs. Either way I would consider your relationship. Hope you manage to enjoy your Christmas.

CrispySeaweedIsReallyCabbage · 20/12/2020 22:13

Hold on...he will refuse to eat, so that he can fit more drink in his belly? Sorry if I'm missing something, but is that what you mean by "if he has dinner he won't be able to drink as well"?

Original poster
LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 22:16

@UndertheCedartree We said no big presents a while ago, this is fair enough there's nothing id want but on Friday he decided it was no presents at all. He only said everything else on Friday, none of this was agreed.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 20/12/2020 22:17

Drinking all day? God, how thoroughly fucking boring. Why are you with him?

Original poster
LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 22:20

@Cherrysoup its not how I want to spend Christmas, starting to ask my self the same thing :(

OP posts:
ToniTheDonkey · 20/12/2020 22:20

[quote LondonMiss]@UndertheCedartree We said no big presents a while ago, this is fair enough there's nothing id want but on Friday he decided it was no presents at all. He only said everything else on Friday, none of this was agreed.[/quote]
Return the presents you bought him and keep the money to spend on yourself in the sales. Giving him the presents when you know he won’t give you anything will just make you more upset.

Smallsteps88 · 20/12/2020 22:22

So he falls out with his family, doesn’t buy the person he’s supposed to be infatuated with a card or present at Xmas, refuses to eat so he can spend all Xmas day drinking,

Anything else this prince brings to the table?

NovemberR · 20/12/2020 22:22

He sounds hideous and a real joy sucker.

Give yourself the best Christmas gift by dumping him.

Original poster
LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 22:24

Sad It so hard trying to play it down to my mum, I know she would worry if she thought I was upset.

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 20/12/2020 22:25

@LondonMiss

Sad It so hard trying to play it down to my mum, I know she would worry if she thought I was upset.
She’d worry more if she knew you were upset but wouldn’t tell her why.
Leaannb · 20/12/2020 22:27

@LondonMiss

We did say no gifts as we generally buy what we need but I would love a little something. Right his gifts are going back!
If you said no gifts why did you buy gifts in the first place?
notangelinajolie · 20/12/2020 22:27

Return presents. Get rid. Go to your mums. In that order.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2020 22:28

Just go to your mum’s.

Neverbeme · 20/12/2020 22:28

Do you live together?

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/12/2020 22:29

He's said no presents, so yes, return the ones you've bought and go to your mum's if you can. Giving them to him will make you feel even worse and spending the day with someone who just wants to drink all day doesn't sound like your kind of Christmas.

I would say it sounds like he "Doesn't do Christmas" which is a reasonable take. It's a religious and cultural holiday that not everyone is into. But it sounds like he does do Christmas because he's going to be drinking all day, which I presume isn't an everyday thing. So really he does "Selfish-Christmas" where he doesn't have to think about anyone else and can just indulge himself. As a cultural festival the point of Christmas is connecting with and thinking of others because our day to day lives can make that hard. If he can't be arsed doing this one day a year is he actually any good at this at all or is all the emotional labour really down to you the rest of the time too?

Original poster
LondonMiss · 20/12/2020 22:32

@Neverbeme No we don't, I have lived at his house for most of lockdown but I have my own house as well.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 20/12/2020 22:33

You don’t sound very compatible to me.

Honeyroar · 20/12/2020 22:34

Wrap him a sponge up. Tell him it’s in case there’s any Xmas cheer about that he missed. Then go to your mums and enjoy yourself. And have a think what changes you could make in the new year to improve your life!!

Jangle33 · 20/12/2020 22:43

Go and have a lovely Christmas without him in your own house. What exactly is he bringing you on the joy/happiness front?

SonjaMorgan · 20/12/2020 22:43

Well you agreed to no gifts, what did you expect? If you wanted to exchange gifts you should have said so, I doubt he is a mind reader.

Janus · 20/12/2020 22:46

So he doesn’t eat dinner so he can fit more booze in, did I read that right??
If so, my god you need to run for the hills right now. His entire day seems to revolve around how much he can drink rather than trying to make anyone else happy doesn’t it?? I know you said no presents but if he made an effort such as cooking a wonderful meal or doing anything vaguely romantic I’m sure you’d think it was worth it. Go back to your own house after Christmas.

Neverbeme · 20/12/2020 22:48

Does he generally drink too much?

Feedingthebirds1 · 20/12/2020 22:51

If the OP doesn't sack him off before the 25th I'm looking forward to hearing about him wailing 'where are my presents??????'