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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull up DH on his attitude?

71 replies

ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 20:12

I woke him at 6pm (after a night shift) to a lovely roast dinner, he was underwhelmed and complained there was too much mash on the plate.

After eating half of his food he sits watching the football on his phone ignoring me and our 2 DC.

I ask him to change one of our DC's nappy whilst I did the other.

A few minutes later he complains that his back is hurting so I suggested I run him a bath and put some epsam salts in it. He replies "nah, when do i ever get to relax?"

I ask what he's insinuating and he quickly backtracked saying he meant that the kids will be at the bathroom door disturbing him (much like is the case whenever I get a bath myself!)

He then decides to go and do the dishes in stony silence. He never does the dishes of an evening so he's clearly playing the martyr.

Would you say anything to him or not?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2020 20:13

He’s stropping. I’d ignore him.

katy1213 · 20/12/2020 20:16

He put his back out changing a nappy? That must have been one almighty poo!

Nottherealslimshady · 20/12/2020 20:20

Let him have his cleaning strop.
He's tried to moan and quickly realised he's not done too bad actually and realised it's better not to bring the division of down time up as he'll lose some.

ElizaLaLa · 20/12/2020 20:24

I'd ignore him, but then I wouldn't put mash on a roast dinner either Confused

Original poster
ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 20:25

I get the impression he feels he should be exempt from general duties at home on account of it being his time "off"

What he fails to remember is that I don't have any such luxury, I'm "on" duty at home (with the children, cooking, housework) non stop and I work part time myself.

OP posts:
BendyLikeBeckham · 20/12/2020 20:25

YABU. Mash on a roast dinner is an abomination. Grin

But seriously, he sounds like a selfish man child, who if he weren't there would probably make your life easier and your load lighter.

Original poster
ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 20:25

@ElizaLaLa

I'd ignore him, but then I wouldn't put mash on a roast dinner either Confused
That's his preference, always has been. He doesn't like roast potatoes.
OP posts:
Freddiefox · 20/12/2020 20:33

I’d just ignore him, carry on with what you are doing/behave planned, carry on asking him to do things though, don’t let him being Mardy stop that, that’s what he wants.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 20/12/2020 20:35

You woke him up to a full dinner? Is this the usual schedule in your house? How long had he slept? Maybe he was grumpy because he was still tired? I know I would not appreciate being woken up and called to the table for a full dinner with kids and conversation and nappy changing. Maybe next time a hot bath and tea and toast first ...then roast dinner.

GhostPenguin · 20/12/2020 20:36

I think it depends whether this is typical or not.

The other day I was really tired cos I didn't sleep well. DH made me a nice lunch without asking me if I wanted it at 12pm. I was irritated cos I wasn't hungry and it wasn't the sort of thing you could heat up so I didn't eat it and just had some toast later. I was tired and feeling a bit grumpy and could have been more grateful but DH let it go and I apologised for being grumpy and all's well. If he'd "pulled me up on my attitude" I'd have likely snapped and ruined our day.

However, if he's always this grumpy then I'd be a bit sick of it tbh

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/12/2020 20:37

Leave him to it. Hopefully he'll be annoyed enough to get the hoover out.

Dee1975 · 20/12/2020 20:41

You lost me at mash with a roast ... ????!!
(But I’d let him have his strop if it’s a one off. He might be v tired, had a hard shift etc ... Depends if this is regular or not).

Original poster
ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 20:43

Sorry to clarify, the food wasn't on the table waiting for him it was sat in the oven to be had when he was ready to eat.

That is the usual procedure in our house.

He went to bed at 11am so had a good 7 hours, he always asks me to wake him between 6-7pm otherwise he just wouldn't get up.

The nappy change was over an hour after he got up and had his food.

OP posts:
WhereverIGoddamnLike · 20/12/2020 20:45

What is wrong with mashed potato with a roast? Mashed potato with gravy is the best. All the better with a roast alongside!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/12/2020 20:47

”He doesn't like roast potatoes”

Shock

LTB.

Original poster
ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 20:47

With respect to him, life at home doesn't stop when I'm tired/achy or whatever else.

I offered to run him a bath and he turned his nose up at it because he preferred to bask in his moodiness.

I'm confused about people being aghast wrt mash on a roast. Each to their own and all that Grin

OP posts:
wishfull888 · 20/12/2020 20:49

@GeorgiaGirl52 yep Most mums get the luxury of a hot shower AND made-for-me tea and toast before dealing with their kids every.single morning.without.fail..... alone.
What the heck ?!
YABVU

Maskedcrusader · 20/12/2020 20:51

I'd leave it. Have you ever worked nights?. I'm usually a pleasant person but after a run of nights I'm like a bear with a sore head. My family know to give me a wide berth to re humanize slowly & quietly.

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 20:54

@ElizaLaLa

I'd ignore him, but then I wouldn't put mash on a roast dinner either Confused
OPs dinner wouldn’t be wasted here! I’m all for mash & roasts!
madmumofteens · 20/12/2020 20:54

Having been a shift worker I have to say on waking I couldn't face a cooked dinner preferred breakfast tbh OP! Shift work messes with your eating pattern it really does x

madmumofteens · 20/12/2020 20:56

Oh and I was a grumpy git as well 😱

Jackabobbo · 20/12/2020 20:59

It depends if this his usual behaviour or if it's a one off. If he's not usually like this then he was probably just tired from his shift and feeling a bit grumpy or perhaps is coming down with something. I wouldn't say anything if this is unusual for him. If it's something that happens often then that's different.

Original poster
ItsBgin · 20/12/2020 21:00

I have worked nights but only very short term (one week) so I appreciate that it's gruelling and does mess with your body clock.

It's not unusual for him to want a hearty meal like a roast or a casserole so it didn't occur that it wouldn't be well received.

Food aside his attitude has been piss poor and I'd much rather he spoke his mind if there was something bothering him instead of making thinly veiled digs about how he never gets time to relax which is total BS as he finds plenty of time to play on his computer during the night when he's home.

I don't remember the last time I've been able to spend a solid chunk of 3-4 hours reading a book uninterrupted.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 20/12/2020 21:00

I think you need to talk, he sounds like he's feeling a bit meh, which is fine but he's taking it out on you. Too much mash - really? Why not just leave some if there's too much? I don't think this is about mash or his back, there's more too it (quite possibly that he wrongly feels that he does too much because as you say he sees this as his time off).

I'd talk about it though, ignoring him won't resolve or change anything - certainly not his stroppy behaviour. You need to work out between you what is 'fair', find a way for you both to get a bit of time to yourself, a bit of time to relax, to do something fun and a bit of time to do something as a couple (even if it's at home doing something simple).

Dominicwestsscooter · 20/12/2020 21:01

Have you ever worked nights. It’s horrendous. It made me feel nauseous all the time. The sleep you do have is usually shit quality. No one wants to eat a roast dinner for breakfast. I don’t blame him for being grumpy.

And mash on a roast dinner is all kinds of wrong 😲