To pull up DH on his attitude?

[ItsBgin]

I woke him at 6pm (after a night shift) to a lovely roast dinner, he was underwhelmed and complained there was too much mash on the plate.

After eating half of his food he sits watching the football on his phone ignoring me and our 2 DC.

I ask him to change one of our DC's nappy whilst I did the other.

A few minutes later he complains that his back is hurting so I suggested I run him a bath and put some epsam salts in it. He replies "nah, when do i ever get to relax?"

I ask what he's insinuating and he quickly backtracked saying he meant that the kids will be at the bathroom door disturbing him (much like is the case whenever I get a bath myself!)

He then decides to go and do the dishes in stony silence. He never does the dishes of an evening so he's clearly playing the martyr.

Would you say anything to him or not?

So this prize has 5 children?

OP, sort out your contraception.

He sounds like a twat who does very little other than his shift.

Mind yourself

OP, I wish I could suggest something in your power that could fix this. But the only thing that will work is if he changes. And he has to want to, to do it. He has it too comfy right now to even consider he might need to change his attitude towards parenting and accept the equal value of both of your time, and your equal right to downtime, and equal responsibility for house and DC.

He needs a fucking monumental wake up call, like an ultimatum that you mean and follow through on. And even then it might not work, or only for a short time before he goes back to his last selfish ways.

In case you didn't guess, I was married to one of these men. He didn't change. We divorced. I've never been happier.

OP, best of luck to you.

The only things I ever ask of him where housework/kids are concerned is that he changes the bin and does one child's bum whilst i do the other. If I'm particularly busy I might ask him to make the kids a drink / grab them a snack from the cupboard.

He will cook occasionally but it's me who does %90 of the time.

Oh, actually tell a lie, I've asked him to put the ceiling decorations up (but that's only because I suffer from vertigo and can't do ladders)

Doesn't like roast pots? Ltb. Clearly can't be trusted

Op raise the bar ffs.

I take back what I said.

Next time you have sex please ffs say at the en did it "is that it"

Next time he cooks "what are we having with this?" Etc etc.

Cheeky bastard. You have let him get too comfortable.

Thank you for the replies.

He has 5 kids in total yes.

I even end up doing extra parenting when the oldest 3 are here. I usually everybodies tea whilst he goes to collect them so food is on the table when they arrive.

I was feeling like crap last week (I suffer with PMS to the extent I question whether it's PMDD) and instead of being able to put my feet up in the bedroom for a couple of hours as we'd agreed, I had to help him prepare the meal and look after the kids as he was getting overwhelmed.

God help him if he ever ends up a single parent.

I'm on contraception, not that I can be bothered with much sex lately.

That’s reason enough to LTB right there!

That was meant to show the quote where you stated that DH doesn’t like roast potatoes, so that was treason to LTB doh

@GeorgiaGirl52

You woke him up to a full dinner? Is this the usual schedule in your house? How long had he slept? Maybe he was grumpy because he was still tired? I know I would not appreciate being woken up and called to the table for a full dinner with kids and conversation and nappy changing. Maybe next time a hot bath and tea and toast first ...then roast dinner.

Yes, OP, ease him in with a tea 'n' toast amuse-bouche before the roast dinner entree. And the bath! Don't forget the bath! But don't attempt conversation. Or, er, have the kids around. Because you definitely have time for all that lunatic shit.

FFS. Some people.

Next time don't martyr yourself offering to run him a bath with Epsom salts. Just ignore his grumpy mood.

He's being ridiculous and ungrateful and I say that as someone who worked nights for 10 years. If someone had cooked for me I would be over the bloody moon rather than making every single meal live alone
I did nights and days so after my last night shift would sleep from 8am - 1pm then get up to reset my body clock, eat, exercise, cook, clean etc
Yes, sometimes you feel horrific but usually a hot shower, food and some fresh air really does help

What hours does he work? What time does he start and finish work?

He gets "overwhelmed" with a childcare task you do without complaint or fuss?

My ex used to do this whenever I had begged for a rare lie in, having been up all night with the baby. He'd take the DC downstairs, make as much noise as he could crashing about in the kitchen, let them cry a lot, shout at them, so much that I lay in bed wide awake listening to him 'not cope' and worry he would lose his temper with them and get up to look after them. Then he'd sulk and go to bed, because whats the point of us both being up? Shithead.

He works from 10pm until 8am four nights per week but rarely leaves work at 8, he ends up staying on for at least 90 minutes extra every morning (which as far as my experience goes, isn't the norm)

He gets alot more sleep since working this job than he did his last.

He gets overwhelmed when all of the kids are here yes, which doesn't bode well in the event that we split up one day. I would have no confidence in him managing all 5 on his own.

Surprise surprise, he hasn't bothered putting the decorations up or doing any of the Christmas wrapping which he was supposed to do once the kids went to bed.

Then he'll moan later on that the kids are preventing him getting anything done or he'll shut himself in the bedroom for a couple of hours mid afternoon wrapping everything whilst leaving the childcare to me as usual.

To answer his question of when he ever gets to relax is well...as a parent NEVER! Especially with young kids. Possibly a little bit of rest when they are sleeping but even then theres usually housework etc to be done. If do get a rest neither should he!

I'd ignore him, but then I wouldn't put mash on a roast dinner either  That's his preference, always has been. He doesn't like roast potatoes

LTB, for this alone.

He's shown you exactly who he is.

A waster with 5 children, who has zero interest in parenting.

He stays on at work for 90 minutes to avoid you, the children and contributing to the home.

He has made a huge mug out of you.

Why are you looking after 5 children.

Protect yourself from this waster.

It’s quite common to have to leave work late. That might get more to do with the work then you

Can he get to bed earlier and get more sleep?

@billy1966

He's shown you exactly who he is.

A waster with 5 children, who has zero interest in parenting.

He stays on at work for 90 minutes to avoid you, the children and contributing to the home.

He has made a huge mug out of you.

Why are you looking after 5 children.

Protect yourself from this waster.

Yes, this.

I bet he goes for McDonald's breakfast on the way home every day, and never brings you any. Thereby avoiding the morning routine/school or nursery run etc with the kids.

Does he do as little as possible at work too?

What a fucking failure of a human. Why does he keep producing child after child since he has zero interest and palms them off onto his latest wife? He must think you’re really stupid, OP, taking on his parenting fails. Do you not want a better life?