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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you'd do if you were alone at Xmas?

62 replies

Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 10:53

I'll start by saying I know I'm lucky to have this dilemma and to not be spending very much time alone, but I'm feeling pretty down about it so please, I'm not starting a I have it worse competition...

First Christmas since breaking up with DH, after 17 years. Plan was for him to come round Xmas day, have dinner with us then take the kids home with him. My mum and dad were going to come and then from mid afternoon I'd see my boyfriend, who is my support bubble... Clearly that's not allowed now, even though it's ridiculous because if the kids are going between us it's the same risk, but whatever. Boyfriend isn't now coming because his flatmate will be left alone if he does. I'm not even getting into how pissed off I am that he's chosen flatmate over me but hey ho
So now probably I'll have to drop the kids off at midday after presents. I've got a massive fucking turkey in the freezer plus all the Xmas Dinner prepped that we were going to have..

It's OK, could be worse. So I'm thinking cook the bloody turkey, send him and the kids home with their dinner, I'll have mine... Apart from drinking solidly until I get them back on the 27th, any ideas won't be seeing bf, the twat

What would you do with lots of lovely sad lonely drinking time peace and quiet on Christmas day?

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2020 10:56

Oh that's so rubbish that your boyfriend has chosen his flatmate over you!
I'd spend the time drinking and watching TV and wondering why I was with my rubbish boyfriend

TheRubyRedshoes · 20/12/2020 10:59

Op you are able to bubble with someone. You don't have to be alone.

However I'd line up some good TV viewing! I love TV Grin, delicious snacks and drinks.. Maybe even excersise and even though its Xmas day I'd do any small jobs I couldn't do with dc in tow.

Phoenix21 · 20/12/2020 11:00

I would:

Leave the Turkey where it is to have whenever

Once the kids have gone my day would be luxury bath, new PJs, fancy ready meal, wine TV, book.

I’d be off social media.

I hope you have a great Christmas regardless.

Phoenix21 · 20/12/2020 11:01

Ohhh and a smoked salmon breakfast for the next morning

SomelikeitHoth · 20/12/2020 11:02

Wake up when I want to, Lovely m+s meal, films and relax

Original poster
Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 11:03

Yes I am wondering that right now... 😕 He feels responsible for him I guess, knows he can't see his family at all, whereas I at least can go and stand in my parents drive and say hello, plus I have the kids, he doesn't have anyone and lost his nan earlier this year, his grandad who he was going to see has dementia... He knows I'm angry and upset, but he's just trying to be a good friend, they've lived together for 15 years and known each other for 30.

Guess I'm trying to be the bigger person but it's hard not to be really fucking sad.

As he's my support bubble sort of (flatmate isn't happy for me to be in the house though, as we are both teachers and he feels it's too risky, but he stays here... Although hasn't for over a month because I've not had any child free time) then he will still come here, he's said he wants to see me boxing day. I'd love to see him but right now I'm considering telling him to go fuck himself 😂

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 20/12/2020 11:03

The longest bath ever. Tablet held up by taps. A selection of drinks and nibbles to the side. The kind of lush bathbomb that makes your eyes bleed. Phone cradled in hand and a silent prayer that it won't fall in.

Original poster
Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 11:05

@fourteafallout that sounds amazing, and yes, I do that a lot! Love a long bath.

Thinking dinner, nice walk (I'd say run but I intend on eating lots.. ) afternoon nap, TV, film no one else would want to watch and then a bath, lovely.

OP posts:
TodgerStrunk · 20/12/2020 11:06

If you're not in a bubble with your (ex-)boyfriend, could you be in a bubble with your parents?

Otherwise- embrace it. Hand the turkey over with the kids, and then eat all the food you and only you like, drink lots but not so much you phone loserboy, take some long baths and long walks, watch schmaltzy telly. Feed your soul.

TheCattleGrid · 20/12/2020 11:07

I've had 7 Christmases on my own. It's actually very nice. Just make sure as others have said that you are well stocked with treats of all kind. Turn your phone off for at least parts of the day. Forget routine and timing (have trifle for breakfast and Chrustmas Dinner at 9pm if you want). A walk can be lovely. And don't put meanings on it that are judgments (like...my life is so bad as I have no one with me). Buy candles. Radio is great to feel a bit connected to the world rather than playlists. Embrace it, anticipate it, enjoy it!

ineedaholidaynow · 20/12/2020 11:09

Is he a recent boyfriend if this is your first Christmas since breaking up with DH?

Original poster
Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 11:11

@therubyredshoes yes, I am bubbled with bf... However he's decided he doesn't feel able to leave flatmate/friend alone to come to me. I'll see him maybe the next day, he wants to. I'm not sure right now that I won't still be angry with him to be honest, even though I know the reasons why it still makes me rage. The flatmate has been an issue throughout. We got together in April and troughput lockdown we saw each other, but his flatmate is incredibly anxious about covid, he's basically a hermit and is panicked about getting it and sees bf seeing me as reckless. We haven't been near each other for a fortnight because flatmate was going to see his grandad so we thought it best to make sure he was safe doing that... Now all this, it's beyond shit. My patience is wearing thin to be honest.

OP posts:
CoronaIsWatching · 20/12/2020 11:12

Buy presents for myself beforehand, wrap them and open them on xmas day (which I do to a lesser extent every year anyway) . Get loads of nice food and booze in and gorge.

user1471530109 · 20/12/2020 11:13

OP, I'm in the same situation and have been for about 6 years. But, I always have the DC Christmas day and xh boxing day (and then for a few days after). I'm also a teacher so don't want to risk seeing other family (they live an hour away and in a different tier too).
I usually have loads of turkey left overs (turkey, brie, bacon and cranberry sandwiches etc) and lots of wine. I'm planning on watching box sets that I've missed. I've never watched west wing or game of thrones! I have the cats for company Grin.

I would be saying the xh that is it possible for you to have Xmas dinner with the DC. Does he have a partner that means he won't be alone? I suppose I'd not ask that if he was also completely alone.

Squirrelblanket · 20/12/2020 11:13

I'd get loads of nice food and drink in. I'd watch whatever I fancied on telly all day and have myself a kitchen disco in the evening.

Basically the same as what I'll actually be doing with my husband, except there will be negotiations on what to watch on telly.

Original poster
Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 11:14

Yes, but we've known each other 10 years. Worked together, very good friends. It was quick but it's been wonderful. Friends and family don't know we are together, we've kept it quiet and he's met the kids loads of times but never with us being together. We've basically put most of this on hold and knew we would have to until next summer at least, but are still happier seeing each other when we can I guess. Just taking it as it comes 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
user1471530109 · 20/12/2020 11:15

Oh, and I don't have a bf so I'm kind of used to my own company now. I'm not saying I like it, but it's got easier.

Be kind to yourself. I was also with xh for 17 years and the first few years are really tough after separation. Don't rush into a relationship (did that. Disaster) and spend the time making plans for you and the DC. Wine

Original poster
Theghostofchristmasarse · 20/12/2020 11:16

He would be alone yes, with the kids there of course. I did think it's no extra risk to let him come in and open presents with them, eat dinner etc. I mean the kids are there now, all weekend. If he's got anything then so have they and me 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
user1471530109 · 20/12/2020 11:18

He might change his mind. I agree, your households are connected via the DC and in fact I'd class that as a bubble anyway.

I would imagine not seeing them open presents will away him.

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/12/2020 11:18

Christmas on your own can be great. Do what you want, eat and drink what you want, no pressure. I would go a walk (with the dog, in my case), nice bath, some lovely M&S food and drink, early cosy night with my iPad and a film or two. Bliss actually. Ps I too am questioning the purpose of your bf...

SonjaMorgan · 20/12/2020 11:19

Takeaway, expensive wine, nice long bath, fresh sheets and PJs, and a new book.

FrankskinnerscRoc · 20/12/2020 11:21

Just forget it’s Christmas, & do exactly as you like.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 20/12/2020 11:21

This is a man who has lived with his friend for 15 years, so presumably at least mid-thirties; having a long-term relationship and a future with you, or anyone else, is not his priority.

taskmasterfan · 20/12/2020 11:21

I think the build up to christmas with
Children is very intense so i would do as others suggest and treat it as the ultimate treat day. Really indulge yourself. Eat all the things that noone else likes, enjoy the silence/dance in the kitchen, watch the things noone else will tolerate or you dont normally get to do. Personally i just find sitting down in the day a pure indulgence ha.

Or if you find it hard to be still, long walk or indulge a hobby, say hi to parents when convenient. Get a few nice things sorted for when kids come back.

I really admire your attitude. There has been so much self pity about (understandably) that your positive ok how can i make this great approach is refreshing.

Also, you sound as if you are in a three way relationship you never signed up for!

AdoptedBumpkin · 20/12/2020 11:23

I'd probably read, listen to the radio, eat chocolate, drink tea. Probably more time on Mumsnet also.