To ask what you'd do if you were alone at Xmas?

[Theghostofchristmasarse]

I'll start by saying I know I'm lucky to have this dilemma and to not be spending very much time alone, but I'm feeling pretty down about it so please, I'm not starting a I have it worse competition...

First Christmas since breaking up with DH, after 17 years. Plan was for him to come round Xmas day, have dinner with us then take the kids home with him. My mum and dad were going to come and then from mid afternoon I'd see my boyfriend, who is my support bubble... Clearly that's not allowed now, even though it's ridiculous because if the kids are going between us it's the same risk, but whatever. Boyfriend isn't now coming because his flatmate will be left alone if he does. I'm not even getting into how pissed off I am that he's chosen flatmate over me but hey ho
So now probably I'll have to drop the kids off at midday after presents. I've got a massive fucking turkey in the freezer plus all the Xmas Dinner prepped that we were going to have..

It's OK, could be worse. So I'm thinking cook the bloody turkey, send him and the kids home with their dinner, I'll have mine... Apart from drinking solidly until I get them back on the 27th, any ideas won't be seeing bf, the twat

What would you do with lots of lovely sad lonely drinking time peace and quiet on Christmas day?

Out of the last 12 Christmases, I've had 9 on my own. My partner works most Christmases (health worker). I've learnt not to make such a big deal out of it - it's one day. I treat it like a enhanced Sunday, sometimes I make myself the traditional meal, sometimes I just have some of the Christmas party foods. Sometimes I get drunk, sometimes I have one glass of cava...it all depends how I feel on the day.

This year I've not seen my partner since February - he lives/works 200 miles away and is now in Tier 4. I'm quite prepared not to see him until either he or I have the vaccine. So it may be a full year...another thing I'm not going to throw a fit about, surviving to see Christmas 2021 is more important.

What music do you like that your kids, bf, ex all hate?

Play it REALLY LOUDLY and have a dance.

I am doing it alone for the first time
Having some nice pastries delivered on Xmas Eve from a local bakery so that is breakfast Xmas Eve and Xmas day.
Considering getting a takeaway from a fantastic local restaurant.
Chocolate mousse for dessert. I hate Xmas pudding, Xmas cake, brandy butter etc. I get the dessert of my dreams now instead of the requirements of tradition!
Have some fancy bath salts so planning a nice long bath and have saved a magazine for this purpose
Will watch Home Alone.
Go for a walk and see a friend outside in the park (who will also be alone) and have some mulled wine from a thermos

OP your BF doesn't sound like a keeper, I'd be hatching to get rid

Other than that, like the other have said- long bubble baths, nice food that you don't have to share or compromise on because no-one else likes it, all the films you wants to see that the kids don't want to (or can't if age restricted). Sod the turkey, who actually likes turkey anyway? Get some nice food in for yourself.

I would embrace the opportunity. Long soak in the bath with a couple of podcasts on. Pjs for rest of day. Choose some films or whatever now, to watch on the day/Netflix documentaries, if you have it. Eat whatever you like in peace, have a nap in clean bedding that you change on xmas eve..it actually sounds like bliss to me

At some point your boyfriend is going to have to decide whether he's in a relationship with you or his flatmate!
It's nice to be a good friend, but he really shouldn't be prioritising him to the extent that you are isolating for two weeks to fit in with flatmate's plans or not seeing your own dp on Christmas day when you will be alone otherwise.
Seems like the flat mate is more in charge of your life than you are!
I think your bf should come over later on Christmas Day and stay overnight and spend the whole of boxing day with you.
If he doesn't want to do this, there's a problem.

Watch all the musicals on TV that none of my family like. Get in lots of nibbles so I don't have to cook and chill.

Thanks all... Makes me tear up a bit still. Still reeling a bit from the news yesterday and the fact that it can't be a good Christmas for anyone really. Just adjusting to the separation is enough on its own.

Yeah, the relationship is amazing in so many ways but I'm doubting it now. He's had long relationships before but they've never lasted. If we didn't feel so right together I don't think I'd entertain it... I think because I know deep down he's doing it because he doesn't want to upset anyone, and knows I'm almost stronger in a way, that I'd go and drive to my friends and stand in the front garden drinking wine with her if I had to 😂 he knows I like time on my own and let's face it, I chose this, I knew they'd be difficult things about separation but so far my life hasn't been harder dunce, I've been happier, the kids appear to be unaffected and love having time with their dad, they've flourished actually now they don't live with us both being passive aggressive and resentful. Relationship with exDH is good, amicable... I'm OK for money and we haven't had to sell the house yet. So I guess if this is the worst thing to happen then I'm not doing too badly.

Sorry but I would have chosen to be there to support my flatmate who had no other support around over a new partner who had half the day with their kids and has parents within walking distance. I would consider their need to be greater.

Honestly if you're sharing kids and the kids are under say 13 you're basically doing the equivalent of licking your exs face every time the kids come back. I'd tell him to ce over, have lunch, then send them away and do whatever you want. Long walk, bath, alcohol session. Box set. Sext your bf.

I would be out buying all my fave treats. Then on Christmas once the kids had gone, I’d have a lovely bubble bath with wine and music. I’d put my cosiest pjs on, duvet on the sofa with all my treats and more wine. Put on my fave films/box sets and get well and truly drunk. I’d forget about the Turkey, will be a nice Sunday dinner another day when you have more people around. Order a Chinese and enjoy your alone time. FaceTime the family. Pretend your bf doesn’t exist for the day 😂

I hope whatever you do, you have a lovely day 💕

Buy a book and snuggle down on the sofa with chocolates!
Or if your mad like me I was in a similar position to you one year I decided to decorate! I had loads of fun with no one under my feet and did a few jobs I had been meaning to do just to pass the time.
Do you drive? I know I shouldnt say this but jump in the car and make a flask and go for a walk to see the sea pretty sure it will be mostly empty and you can have the place to yourself to blow the cobwebs away. Either way time will pass and it wont be long til the kids are back ...I hope you have a nice day what ever you do OP.Embrace the peace if your house is anything like mine it doesnt happen very often!

Of I had the money, massive takeaway abs I would spend the day ordering myself gifts online.

I’m likely to be in this position due to combination of unfortunate things.
If so I am planning a long early morning walk - currently choosing and including things I’ve wanted to walk to for ages. Then eat and drink as I wish.
A long bath.
As much tv as I can stand.
Lots of zoom and phone calls.
Early to a freshly made bed.
Support all.

I know this wasn't the point of the thread but I actually respect your boyfriend for staying with his friend. They've known each other a long time and are clearly close so I don't think that should automatically come before a partner.

I'm sorry you're on your own though, it's not nice.
I think I'd buy some Waitrose or M&S party food and pudding and just eat and get drunk.

Sorry I meant a partner shouldn't automatically come before that friendship.

Two alternatives from me: For the time you are alone just get yourself a ton of nice food, choose some Christmas films, a nice bath bomb, great book, magazines or whatever you like and do nothing but chill out and eat chocs, cheese, whatever you like.

Or set yourself a task like completely clean the kitchen, or do an entire room, or do the garden or do your wardrobes/clothes - whatever you feel will make NY better and sort it. In the evening have a wonderful picky style meal on the sofa watching trashy TV.

Hot bath, nice drinks a candle, luxurious bubble bath and phone or tablet in a clear zip lock bag, propped up on clean bathroom bin and a great film. Nice walk in fresh air, home for coffee and some nice baking, then heat up christmas dinner time already made for kids, new pj's on and chill with a film or too. Sounds like my perfect day actually!

Thanks all. Yes, I do respect him for supporting his friend. Still hurts though.
I'm actually looking forward to it now! Just hoping my neighbours don't cause a stink if exdh comes here. I think it would be best for the kids all round, keep it short, let them open presents together and at least then it makes up a bit for a shitty year for them.

I would do the exact same things I'd do on any day at home on my own. There's nothing but society's expectations and commercialism that pressures people to be or do different.

I will be alone for Christmas. I live alone and although I've had invitations from friends to join them, I declined.

I've ordered my favourite food and alcohol and will happily consume large quantities of both. Will no doubt speak to family and friends, Skype a couple of people and then, although I'm in my 70s I enjoy playing a couple of online games and I may hack and slash my way through the mobs in a dungeon if the mood takes me.

It's also likely that I'll collapse on the sofa after lunch and watch dross on tv.

@crankley that sounds bliss!

I've just had Exdh ask if he can stay Xmas eve.... My face probably said it all... I do not want that! I had visions of a lovely quiet evening once the kids were in bed, then once they're gone Christmas day, I'm making a list of everything suggested here and choosing stuff from it... I spent last night and this morning wrapping all the presents, I've picked out a few little things for myself from the shops to unwrap, I'll get in the mother of all cheeseboards and ill be in heaven 😂

Oh and the bf has been told in no uncertain terms that I'll be perfectly fine without him thanks very much and I'll try to make time in my busy schedule to see him by new year if I can fit him in 😂

Ooh I miss Christmas alone! It was sleep in, wake up slooowly, have a nap, eat cake and chocolate, open presents, have some more cake & chocolate, watch whatever I wanted and eat whatever I wanted. No expectations or demands.

Bath in the middle of the day. Muddy walks without the little whingers in tow. Netflix binge. Lovely food just for you. Make the most of it.

I would change into a freshly laundered dressing gown and pyjamas.

Order Indian takeaway.

Start watching new Netflix series and aim to watch whole season in one! If you have a friend or family member also on their own then call them between each episode.

I dont know what MN is like at christmas but I reckon there will be a lot of people in your situation and if you started a christmas day watchathon you'd get shit loads of people on board.

As for your partner- I dont think much of him tbh. I dont really care how long he has known his flatmate, that's his flatmates problem. You should really come first in this situation and I dont see it as him being a generous person or whatever, I see it as hes simply putting this guy first. They probably plan on getting stoned all day or something.