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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Virtue Signalling gone into overdrive tonight!

99 replies

Backtoblack1 · 19/12/2020 22:49

I live in Wales and since the announcement that we will go into total lockdown I cannot believe the amount of ‘good Samaritan’ posts I’ve seen tonight. This one has been copied and pasted on hundreds of profiles:

‘Any of my parent friends, that were waiting until next week to get paid, to do their Christmas shopping for their kids. Give me an inbox and I will do my best .It will be kept private and confidential but please reach out if you need help.

#ifyoucanhelphelp

No parent should have to explain why Santa has not come.’

💙❤💙❤

It’s turning my stomach as some people who post it seem to be itching for some kind of recognition of how saintly they are. Anyone else noticing the same or am I just being mean?

YABU - this is wonderful and we should all adopt the same status

YANBU - this is disingenuous and insincere. They are just glory hunting

OP posts:
Kendodd · 20/12/2020 00:21

Yanbu

But I wonder if the world would be a better place if competive niceness was a thing? If people were proud and shouted about how much tax they paid for example or doing voluntary work or donating money to the developing world.

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 20/12/2020 00:24

Hi Trixie. They aren’t my friends - they are on a village thread.

Oh, and it takes one to know one sweetheart 😘

OP posts:
TheWichitaWineOne · 20/12/2020 00:25

Jesus. I fucking hate the phrase 'virtue signalling' and I hate people being so bloody callous and shitty about people trying to do something kind. There has been so many threads about this just lately and I find the majority so mean-spirited and yet another bloody call-to-action for equally mean spirits.

Don't judge other people by your own standards. Be kind. Stop judging the fuck out of people trying to do a nice thing.

earthyfire · 20/12/2020 00:28

The #bekind is so overdone now. Makes me cringe.

BloggersBlog · 20/12/2020 00:29

@Backtoblack1 Why were people being nasty to the pregnant lady?? That is shocking! Was there really no-one offering to help her Shock?

TheWichitaWineOne · 20/12/2020 00:30

The #bekind is so overdone now. Makes me cringe

I don't use hashtags. Being kind is still a reasonably thing for people, I believe.

frosted232 · 20/12/2020 00:32

YANBU I'm also in Wales and have noticed this a lot this evening on my Facebook. Actions speak louder than words so instead of fishing for Facebook likes go out and do something, in my area the local MPs are running drop off points for people to donate things, it's not difficult to find something similar..

BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 20/12/2020 00:36

*I don’t know. Are you friends with people who are disingenuous and insincere? Why?

I’m not, so I know if people on FB or wherever offer something, they’re not ‘virtue signalling’ (a term used almost exclusively by arseholes, surely), they’re trying to be nice.*

Same here the people I have seen doing this are people I know and I believe they would truly follow through on the offer.

TheWichitaWineOne · 20/12/2020 00:38

I'm also in Wales and have noticed this a lot this evening on my Facebook

Pretty obvious why though?

Actions speak louder than words so instead of fishing for Facebook likes go out and do something, in my area the local MPs are running drop off points for people to donate things, it's not difficult to find something similar

How do you know what people are doing? How do you know they're not doing exactly this, or something different?

And if actions speak louder than words, starting a MN thread inviting people to slate anyone doing something and daring to mention it on FB because it 'turns their stomach' speaks volumes.

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 20/12/2020 00:42

Didn’t invite them to slate anyone. Asked AIBU!

And let’s be honest, they are not actually doing ANYTHING helpful in reality because when the pregnant lady posted on the same FB she was largely ridiculed or ignored by the same people. But there, how would I know? They’ve probably inundated her with offers to help.

But I doubt it.

OP posts:
Covidbegone · 20/12/2020 00:48

I actually have seen some pretty kind posts so I think you’re being quite unreasonable to be honest. I spoke to a family member earlier today who was quite low about not being able to pick up their partners gift on Monday, and a close friend who was panicking that she had only just been paid and hadn’t done all her kids shopping yet. If you’re all set up, lucky you.

parmavioletsarelush · 20/12/2020 00:50

I've posted similar on my business page tonight. Only for clients, many of whom have small children. I didn't copy and paste, put it in my own words but being careful how I worded it because I know people can be deceitful and will take advantage. But I 100% would help anyone struggling. My partner has worked for employers where he might not have been paid until the 23rd of December, so I know how hard it is for some families.

TheWichitaWineOne · 20/12/2020 00:50

OP< you literally invited the whole of MN to vote on whether they were being "disingenuous and insincere. They are just glory hunting" Like you have a single fucking clue what their motives are.

You sound spiteful and shallow. Of course, I'm really certain, like all of the other 'Virtue Signalling' thread starters, that you do LOADS for charity but literally never tell a soul about it, ever. Because, why?

I'm hiding your horrible little thread so you can stay and play with the people who agree with you.

housemdwaswrong · 20/12/2020 00:54

Gutted. I think it's lovely. I know people who were waiting to get paid next week to buy presents, so so far their kids have nothing. All of the posts I've seen are from genuine people, many of which have been there themselves.

When I was shielding people messaged me offering to do entire shops. I think it's lovely...and if you suspect you suspect your friends are doing it for glory maybe your friends list needs an edit;)

NiceGerbil · 20/12/2020 00:54

YANBU

It doesn't say what they are actually offering to do? A genuine offer would be clearer surely?

Anyone know what they are actually offering to do and if there is something tangible why not say it?

parmavioletsarelush · 20/12/2020 00:54

@TheWichitaWineOne I've seen plenty of people posting the same message tonight. Many of them I know for a fact couldn't give a toss about people struggling. They are the Rees Moggs of commoners. They are true virtue signallers.

Thewiseoneincognito · 20/12/2020 01:01

It’s vile isn’t it OP. Doing it for their own charity and look at how able I am.

Very Hun 🤮

I wouldn’t be surprised if the offer of help via inboxing is actually a scammy MLM business opportunity they’re ‘offering’ too.

Some Aloe Poonique Shakes kinda help. 😆

Backtoblack1 · 20/12/2020 01:10

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

BorderlineHappy · 20/12/2020 01:11

I think unless you have been on the bones of your fucking arse you havent a clue.

Even if it is Virtue Signalling if that post helps just 1 person, then its done its job. And many people live paycheck to paycheck not everyone has savings or family. You should be so fucking ashamed of this post, at least the person has offered. Which is more than you have.

fullofhope100 · 20/12/2020 01:21

This is the most unpleasant thread I've ever seen on MN.

Things are shit enough without this Sad

Lineofconcepcion · 20/12/2020 01:28

Horrible thread . . .

Italiangreyhound · 20/12/2020 01:30

It's a totally kind thing to offer and if you don't need it, great. If you did need help you would be very grateful.

I also think you don't really understand the meaning of virtue signalling.

"the action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one's good character or the moral correctness of one's position on a particular issue."

This is not expressing opinions it is offering to help people.

Italiangreyhound · 20/12/2020 01:31

If they are just saying it, not intending it, then yes, they are lying and you'd be right it is virtue signalling of a kind. But I'd like to think it is genuine care. I am an optimist!!

NiceGerbil · 20/12/2020 01:32

The post run won't help anyone.

What are they actually offering?

What's the point of a public Facebook post? Say I posted it and a friend in I dunno Wales or Greece or USA said great my mum could do with a hot dinner taken round...???

Why is it an unpleasant thread? It is bullshit. Without saying what they are offering it's just random bollocks.

Going and helping at a fucking food bank or something would be actually useful. Or asking neighbours if they need anything. Are they ok. Actual tangible stuff.

What are they actually offering???

HMSBeagle · 20/12/2020 01:36

It's like with the mental health stuff people post. Most of the "you can call me anytime" brigade are some of the most self centred univested humans I know.

Cousins mum does this type of thing all the time but has zero interest in her own son or his kids. It's all for show. I wouldnt call her to piss on me if I was on fire on her doorstep.

Makes her feel warm and fuzzy I guess