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Original poster

Family saying no to cancelling Christmas

73 replies

1womanarmy · 19/12/2020 19:23

I know this is thread 100 about the new restrictions, but I'm really not sure what to do. We were supposed to visit DH's family (parents and BIL, SIL) from Christmas Eve until the 27th.

Now that new restrictions have been announced nobody wants to cancel, including DH. If I stay home I'll be all alone, and I'll be the miserable Grinch who wants to ruin the holidays.

Even if I stay home, DH will still "bring back" whatever from whomever he has mixed with, so staying home to prove a point also doesn't seem worth it.

I have no family of my own and I'm feeling a lot of pressure. What do I do? We're all in the same county in England. I don't think I can convince DH to stay here.

OP posts:
CatVsChristmasTree · 19/12/2020 19:25

That must be really difficult, if they won't be careful then you're right, you're only choice is stay and be alone and DH still mixes, or go along and feel bad about it.

breakingthebank · 19/12/2020 19:26

What do you want to do? Could you just go for Christmas day, let him do whatever he wants?

SnackSizeRaisin · 19/12/2020 19:26

Unless you are tier 4, just go for the day.
If you are tier 4, don't go.
I think you are at high risk of being reported if 3 households stay over for the entire period, regardless of which tier you are in

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 19/12/2020 19:27

It’s not a question of not wanting to cancel. You don’t have a choice. None of us do. We are all going to have to sacrifice Christmas this year, to a greater or lesser degree. We can’t pick and choose which bits to accept.

Tell him he will have to isolate himself for a fortnight if he goes.

An0n0n0n · 19/12/2020 19:27

Shit situation. All I cam say is that you are only responsible for your choices.

HotSince63 · 19/12/2020 19:29

If you told your DH you're not going - what would he do? Would he actually go without you?

Hazelnutlatteplease · 19/12/2020 19:29

Tell him he can move out permenantly if he's not willing to put your welfare (and the law) above his immediate needs.

It would finish it for me.

bluebeck · 19/12/2020 19:30

I would tell him if he goes not to bother coming back, but I am getting really fed up of the selfish behaviour of so many people who think they are a special case.

Original poster
1womanarmy · 19/12/2020 19:31

Not in tier 4 no. In theory I would everyone to just stay home, or meet on the day. In practice I know none of them will agree. Christmas is holier than thou and they've had enough of playing by the rules I feel.

OP posts:
ladyvimes · 19/12/2020 19:31

Surely you have no choice. You can go for the day or not at all. We were planning on travelling to see my husband’s family in Wales. Now we can’t. Absolutely gutted but we all really have to pull together now and stop being so bloody selfish!

Original poster
1womanarmy · 19/12/2020 19:32

@HotSince63 yes he would go without me.

OP posts:
Leaannb · 19/12/2020 19:33

[quote 1womanarmy]@HotSince63 yes he would go without me.[/quote]
Would you be there when he came back? I know I wouldn't

Hotpinkangel19 · 19/12/2020 19:33

From what I've read on here, hardly anyone is cancelling Christmas.

helpfulperson · 19/12/2020 19:41

Another one here who be changing the locks while he was gone. I wish they had said if you are on your own you can join someone, if you are with another adult you cant go anywhere.

WhereamI88 · 19/12/2020 19:43

He would actually leave you alone for Christmas? LTB

What a fucking arsehole he is

Runmybathforme · 19/12/2020 19:43

[quote 1womanarmy]@HotSince63 yes he would go without me.[/quote]
Then I would tell him he’d better find somewhere else to stay when he gets back.

SunnyCoco · 19/12/2020 19:43

Fucks sake

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 19/12/2020 19:44

@ladyvimes

Surely you have no choice. You can go for the day or not at all. We were planning on travelling to see my husband’s family in Wales. Now we can’t. Absolutely gutted but we all really have to pull together now and stop being so bloody selfish!
Wales is still on for Christmas day only. If it's not to far to travel, you can go for the day.
ohwhatamiserableyear · 19/12/2020 19:44

Of course you shouldn't go for more than Christmas day. And even then, I think people should just stop and think about why the rule changes are necessary in the first place!

HotSince63 · 19/12/2020 19:45

If you really think he'd leave you alone from Christmas Eve to 27th then you've got some serious thinking to do because your relationship is utter shit.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/12/2020 19:46

I don't blame people for not wanting to cancel. The powers that be have left it a,bit late to start changing the rules 6 days before haven't they. I'd say for 1 day just go.

C0NNIE · 19/12/2020 19:48

If you are not in tier 4 then just go for the day. And be glad you are not in tier 4.

Chloemol · 19/12/2020 19:50

I would go for the day but that’s it. If my dh wanted to flout the rules he would be advised to find somewhere to isolate for after

rottiemum88 · 19/12/2020 19:51

Difficult situation for you OP. In an ideal world, you'd be able to convince your DH that neither of you should go, but it doesn't sound like that's going to happen. FWIW I think it's very unfair he's put you in this position.

That said, logically speaking, even if you stayed within the rules and went for just Christmas Day then you'd be mixing with exactly the same people that you would be if you went for the full 5 days, so I can't see what practical difference it's going to make from an infection control perspective.

In your shoes, I'd make my frustrations clear to DH, but I'd also suck it up and go, with a plan to address the wider issues in your relationship once Christmas is over. There's clearly something amiss if you say he'd happily go and leave you alone on Christmas if he had to choose 🤷🏼‍♀️

Christmasbeach · 19/12/2020 19:58

We’re in a similar boat but we’re in tier 4 and his family in T3.

We’ve been super careful the last week - no mixing of other households, did present shopping weeks ago etc etc. His parents have spent a bloody fortune on food/drink and he’s the one who cooks every year.

He half lives here and half with his parents - according to his mail he lives at both places.

It’s been a bloody shit year for both. We don’t even have a Christmas tree up let alone any food. He says he’s going to spend half the day there and half here - but surely I might as well go as if he’s a carrier so am I and if he catches it so will I. But out of principle I’m not going as it’s just irresponsible/against the rules.